working moms

So I recently returned to work as a teacher and our boys are 16 months old. I was home for about a year and have since returned to work which is exactly what I need for myself. We have a cleaning lady who comes every other week (she is not the best but at least every other week my floors are mopped spotless, although that lasts 2 minutes, counter tops are scrubbed and bathrooms are clean.) My husband and I just had a little argument about me "not doing anything." He says I never cook, clean or do laundry. And he is right! But its not like I am sitting home all day. When I satyed at home more laundry was done and I was able to prepare more meals. So I am wondering how you working moms divide the fun chores since both of you are working and if any of you have had a similar argument.

Thanks!

 

I went back to work when the girls were 8 weeks old, so this has been an ongoing issue for us. We don't have a cleaning person, although we've talked about it. DH is home with the girls in the morning and he makes sure the dining room is cleaned after breakfast (he vacuums a couple times a week). Other than that, I come home from work pick up the girls, start dinner, empty the dishwasher, and clean up the breakfast dishes that DH leaves in the sink. I usually run a load of laundy once a day or every other day too. After the girls go to bed, I clean up the kitchen, fold laundry, and straighten up the house (since DH stays home with them in the morning and drops them at the sitter, he works late at night).

On the weekends, I dust/vacuum around the house and scrub the bathrooms. Its not like my DH does nothing though... he is responsible for all outside maintenance, and we are remodeling our house so on the weekends he is doing construction stuff.

As for dinner, I keep it simple during the week. I usually make stuff over the weekend so I can heat up leftovers, or I will do simple pasta/sauce/veggies. If it takes more than an hour to prep and cook, I don't make that during the week. GL finding your own routine that works for all of you!

 

Hi...never really had that argument but we split things since we both work. We have a cleaning service in every week (and well worth the sacrifice for us). For laundry, I try to wash a load or two every day. I generally throw one in on the way out the door and switch when I come back in. My husband cannot seem to find the washer and dryer so I have given up on that. He has on occasion found it when he "miraculously" runs out of underwear. As for cooking, I cook on Sundays, he does Monday and Tuesday, I generally cook on Wednesdays, leftover on Thursday, Friday and Saturday are quick dinners or restaurants. This split works for us. Good luck to you!

 

I used to have a cleaning lady until my dog needed her ACL repaired. I let her go so we could pay for that surgery (really so I could justify it with DH because he didn't want it done). I haven't hired her back yet and don't think I will because I tend to do a better job and it doesn't take too long. . As for cleaning, I pick up every night before bed. I deep clean the house every Friday evening (or Saturday morning if we have something on Friday night). This includes bathrooms, dusting, vacuuming, and mopping. I also vacuum on Mondays and Wednesdays after work. We have 5 animals and I can't not vacuum every other day. The girls just follow me around when I do this. They get their vacuums out sometimes too.

For laundry, I start doing it on Thursday usually. And I just let it pile up in baskets and then fold it all on one day, normally Saturday or Sunday. DH hangs all the things that need to be hung and I do the rest. I loathe laundry. I don't iron. We iron as needed. DH works in a shop so nothing he wears needs to be ironed anyway. I work in the schools and tend to get clothes that don't need much ironing.

For cooking, I do quick things during the week most of the time. Plus, we are gone 2 nights a week at soccer practice for my oldest. So if the twins are with me on those nights, we do PBJ or McDonalds. If they aren't with me, they are with my parents because DH works until 7 most nights. I have within the last year started ordering for Schwanns. The stuff is really good. My girls love it. Most of what I buy is healthy and very easy to fix. Like last night they had chicken alfredo with peas, carrots, and broccoli. Then grapes and cheese to go with it. On the weekends, I will cook more.

Working full time and having 3 kids isn't easy. But I make it work most of the time. I just wish I had more help from DH. But his work hours suck and I just have to deal with it. He also works every other Saturday. That's what I really hate. The weekends are full with my DD's soccer and I often feel like I don't have any time to relax! One of these days we will have to divide our time between the twins' activities and DD's soccer (if she keeps with this select stuff).

 

Another WOHM here! :wavey:

I agree, I find it ridiculously tough to keep the household in order when both DH and I work (more than) full time and have rugrats underfoot. I also have a cleaning lady come twice a week, and she is also not the best (maybe we have the same cleaning lady! ), but it's better than nothing.

The way we make it work is a combination of "picking your battles" and "divide and conquer".

The first point means that I have to accept that I'm not going to have a spotless house and make dinner from scratch every night. I pick what's important (getting dog hair off the floor, a clean toilet, etc.) and clean these things when the boys are in bed, or on weekends. I let laundry pile up on weekends, then do 4-5 loads on Saturday or Sunday. We clean the kitchen and play area after the boys go to bed. We also try to plan out several quick easy meals for the week that the boys can eat so we can do family meals (hamburgers, home made pizza, spaghetti, etc.) and give ourselves permission to get takeout or a rotisserie chicken from the store twice a week when dinner is just too much.

The second point is that when both parents work, they both need to do equal housework/child care. These don't have to be the SAME things (DH will vacuum while I clean toilets, he mows the lawn while I do laundry), but there has to be an equitable division of labor to make this family work. I leave later in the mornings, so I'm responsible for cleaning up after breakfast and getting the boys ready; DH gets home earlier in the evening, so he starts dinner. We both trade "time off" to shower, change clothes, go to the bathroom, or do chores while the other is with the boys.

This system is not perfect and we do have our spats, but it mostly works for us. It really helps to talk honestly about expectations and division of responsibility so there are no misunderstandings. I really believe that marriage is a partnership, and it takes work to make a go of it.

Good luck! :hug:

 

I work on a schedule and do just a little bit every day. If you do a little every day, you never get too much built up. Some things I do every day, without fail:

Every morning, I unload the dishwasher. That way, dishes are loaded as we move through the day. There are NEVER dirty dishes in the sink.
Every evening, I make sure the kitchen is clean -- the sink is empty, the counters wiped down etc., floor sweeped/vacuumed
Most days, I do at least one load of laundry.
Every other day, I vacuum the family room area.
Every evening, as part of our pre-bedtime routine, the girls and I clean up their toyroom and go around the house to make sure all their toys are properly put away.
Mail is sorted every day.
At the end of the day, I make sure no knick knacks are about.

Every Tuesday I clean the bathrooms. I also clean on my hands and knees the kitchen tile floor, and the front entry.
Every Friday, I wash the bed linens.
Every Saturday, I vacuum the lower traffic rooms.

Then,other deep cleaning stuff is scattered through when I have time.

My house is far from perfectly clean, but at any given time, I wouldn't be embarassed to have someone drop by. I find that I only spend an hour on my work days cleaning, on my off days, perhaps two. It's not bad at all. I think having a schedule and sticking to it, and doing maintenance regularly really, really makes things easier!

As for dinner, on work nights, it's easy stuff. Rice and chicken. Spaghetti. Sandwiches.
On days home, I still usually opt for an easy meal, but might make a crockpot meal instead.
I always bake in large batches one weekend day -- muffins and then freeze them, quick breads and freeze etc. That way, we can just reach into the freezer on a daily basis to get a quick breakfast.

 

I am glad you posted this! We still dont have some sort of good routine down. I often feel like I carry a majority of the burden and it stresses me out a lot. My DH does help and has a longer commute, but we are often scrambling and I hate that. We are not organized about grocery shopping or menu planning and the house is a constant chore. Hoping to get some good ideas from others that post.

 

I am a major planner...I have a weekly menu that we stick to about 99% of the time. I write it out every week before I go grocery shopping (always during the kiddos naptime). Most of the time, I do meals that can be made in 45 minutes (I make a point of hanging out with the kiddos for 30 minutes as soon as we get home, before I jump into making dinner). If I choose something that takes longer, then I make that the night before so it can be re-heated or save it for Sunday night when I have more time to spend on dinner. We also eat leftovers often...I make a big batch of something that we will eat for two nights. Very helpful, if you don't mind having it again the next night!

DH mostly does the clean-up and dishes after dinner while I spend time with the twins...he gets his one-on-one time while I am cooking. I sometimes do the clean-up when the kiddos are cranky and I can't handle the whinning! DH is also in charge of vacuuming (he does it on the weekend when the kids are having their snack or after they are in bed...otherwise he would have two overly-eager helpers) and our laundry (we have a nanny who takes care of the kiddos laundry a few times a week).

I try and tackle the bathrooms at least once a week...I have found that keeping them clean on a day-to-day basis helps so I only have to scrub the toilet, clean the kiddos tub and maybe tackle the shower.

In our house, there is definitely a 50/50 share of the chores...but, I still feel burnt out pretty often I have thought about getting a housecleaner, but with our kiddos home during the day, I am not sure how well that would work for us?

It is HARD to have a family with both parents working...you both have to chip in and also realize that sometimes "done" is good enough, KWIM?

 

Thanks so much for all of your advice! DH is actually cooking dinner now while I type. I guess I should go in there and help him...

Thanks again for all of your input!

 

Ok, I"m a teacher and know how much work you need to do outside of school after the kids go to bed. I've been back to work since the kids were 5.5 months old and last year it was actually a lot easier to keep the house clean because they weren't tearing things apart as soon as I pick up. Now however...it's just ridiculous. About once a week I get fed up however and go on a pick up spree. Every other night, I honestly have let it go. Our house is definitely not dirty, but it is messy and I have just come to accept it. I should now get back to grading the three inch stack of papers...ha, ha, ha. ;P

Good luck finding your groove. I know I often live just for Fridays when I can crash out on the couch after the kids go to bed!

 

I went back to work when my girls were barely 10 weeks old. Its VERY difficult when both parents work. My husband leaves early in the morning, so I get up early and take care of the animals, get dressed and ready for work then get the girls up at 7:30. I change them and give them their sippy cups and sit with them until 8:00 when the nanny arrives. Me leaving is usually difficult for them, so I take about 15 minutes to "ease" out the door by 8:20 am. I get home about 5:30 and sit with the girls, feed them around 6:00 ( easy meals- usually steamfresh microwave meals) get them changed, bathed, ready for bed, we play and read books. DH usually comes home around this time ( 7:30 or so) and we both put the girls to bed between 8-8:30. After the girls are asleep is when I start cleaning. I clean the kitchen ( never a dirty dish in the sink), load and run the dishwasher, wipe counters, pick up all toys, make the meals for the girls for the next day, take care of the animals and get to bed about 11:00. If there was launder in the dryer, I will put it away now. I usually try to do a load a day in the morning before the girls wake up. I put it in early enough, so I can get it in the dryer before I leave for work, so after work ( when the girls are sleeping) I can put it away. DH usually folds and will put his clothes away. We have a yard guy so we don't have to worry about that. DH will help on the weekends when the girls are asleep. They will usually take a 2-3 hour nap on saturday and sunday and during this time is when we do the REAL scrubbing and cleaning. Its a very hectic schedule and I wish I could just sleep and take a nap when the girls do, but there is always something to be done.

My DH understands there is no way for me to make a meal from scratch every night ( he's never home for dinner anyway) and that the deep cleaning and scrubbing must wait until the weekend. But its true if you do a little every day, it doesn't pile up so much

 

I went back to work when the twins were 3 months old. And our house was a disaster. We finally hired a cleaning lady who comes in every other week & that really helps. We usually do massive amounts of laundry on the weekend, but sometimes it'll sit around for a few days before anyone puts it away. And cooking.....we've been doing a lot of crockpot stuff lately. Or we just fix something quick & easy for the kids and then we eat something else after they've gone to bed.

 

he's working, you're working. that means both of you are equally responsible for the home. i hope you just left out the part where he's doing lots of housework and complaining that you're not pitching in, rather than complaining at you for not working and cleaning.

both DH and i work full time and we fairly allocate tasks around the home. some things are assigned tasks, like i never clean the floors because i assume he'll do it. he cleans the kitchen, too. we both do laundry, i do bathrooms, i do cooking, he does the yard, etc. and you know what? the place isn't sparkling. we had to let some things go and recognize that life is hectic now. we clean when we can, in the evenings and on weekends and for the most part it's pretty buttoned up around here. but if i go an extra week... or two.... or four without scrubbing the toilets, no big deal. you want healthy clean, not magazine photoshoot clean.

 

I just changed my standards on how clean things get. My dh rarely helps out with cleaning, but he cooks. I have a nanny that comes and she does laundry and a little cleaning. I vacuum once a week, mop, clean bathrooms and other general cleaning as needed on the weekends. I think if you're going to invest money in a housekeeper find someone who does a better job. I'm sure it won't be too hard.