Won't stay with a sitter - seperation anxiety, just stubborness? WWYD?

All three of them! DH & I have only been out three times since the babies were born, each time my mom has come up. SHe lives an hour away though and comes once or twice during the week so I really want someone local that we can use on weekends/evenings. (Also, mom needs to know exactly what we are doing...but that's another post ) I've had a college student (K.) come 5:30-6:30 for the last three weeks. The idea was partly for me to straighen up/cook dinner/have 2 mins to myself & partly just to get them used to someone that we can use for weekends/evenings. DD1 has never had a sitter other than my mom. H & N had someone as newborns but not since they were 4 mos...H & N cry when I first leave the room but K is pretty good about calming them down - I've even heard some laughs , but there are a few more short crying spells in the hour she is here - usually lasting just a min or two. DD1 WILL NOT stay in the room w/ K w/o me - needless to say she is the one I'm most worried about leaving with K for DH & I to go somewhere. But it's unfair that H & N don't want to either but just don't have the choice - KWIM? SO - my question is - would you keep it up with H & N & hope that it gets better (it has somewhat, but I hate for them to be miserable when it's not necessary) What about DD1? I think the only way she is going to spend time with K w/o me is if I just leave the house - I know she will be sobbing when I leave - but she enjoys preschool 2 mornings a week so I know she just doesn't want to & is being difficult. Would it be horrible to leave? I think a 3 yr old should be able to stay with a sitter for an hour without it being tramatic. She knows I'm in the house & she can stay with me so she does. Also, she is very high maintenace, so I'm really not getting done the things I want to even though H&N are with K - so it is a waste of money. Would you cancel K for now? Just leave & force DD1 to get to know K? Continue on the same way giving DD1 more time to get used to the idea (she keeps saying she will play with K today, until the time comes & then she wants to do it tomorrow ) I would try someone else but I think they would be the same way with anyone else - HELP ME TIA!

 

I would start out by leaving for short periods. Kids are different when mom is there, and it is probably awkward for the babysitter having you there--I know it was for me when the parents were there when I was sitting. I think, once you "force" Rachel to spend time with the sitter, she will probably find it fun. Sometimes at that age, it is the fear of difference that makes them cling. Jon especially was like that, and I had to train him to leave me.

 

I agree with the pp. Like anything else they need time to adjust and they will. If you are comfortable and trust K then you have nothing to worry about. I doubt any child experienced everlasting trauma b/c Mom and Dad went out for an evening. You guys need to have some away time too. Once they get used to the idea that you will keep coming home again at the end of the evening they will probably have a great time. When we stared leaving our 3 with a babysitter other than Mom and Dad I was really worried about DD #2 as she would have great screaming fits when I left her for an hour at the community centre child care while I did a class, but she was fine. She had her brother and her big sister with her and our babysitter is great. Don't give up!

 

I also want to add that at 3, they can be huge drama queens--that is, scream for mom and dad, and then less than 5 min after they left, they are fine and playing. Leaving the parents with guilt for leaving them...

 

I think they would be fine after you left. Some people may not like this, but it was the only thing that worked for us. For a few times we left while the kids were sleeping. That way the sitter was the only one there when they woke up. There was no crying & whining to mommy since I wasn't there. It wasn't long till they started asking us for the sitter to come over. Kids act different when the parents are around. If you trust K than let her watch them. Enjoy a night out.

 

I would keep doing it, but when she comes YOU run to the grocery or another errand. I'm betting she'll be FINE after 5-10 min. max!! You'll never know till you try!

I'm going to have to break in a new babysitter too, unfortunately we need one for Sunday and it won't happen that fast! I feel your pain!

 

QUOTE(sharongl @ Oct 17 2007, 07:23 AM) [snapback]454182[/snapback]
I also want to add that at 3, they can be huge drama queens--that is, scream for mom and dad, and then less than 5 min after they left, they are fine and playing. Leaving the parents with guilt for leaving them...

:laughing: Drama Queen fits Rachel to a T! I'm glad were not the only ones, I've been wondering what I did wrong to get such clingy kids! Thanks for the support - I might even try it today :winking0009:

 

:hug99: I totally feel your pain. My kids all had to be well into the 3's before I could leave without too much fussing. My ds (who is 3 now) still does fuss, but generally stops after a bit. However, my youngest baby doesn't stop crying until I come home again. Fortunately for me, my MIL is close and I leave them with her to run errands and such, and if I ever need a sitter, I get one after they go to bed for the night (which is 6:30). If Alex wakes up I always get called home. Everyone else is usually OK at this point.

So, anyway, I say leave for a short while. And if it's hard for you to leave, it's OK to listen from outside until she stops crying. Eventually you'll both realize it's a doable situation.