Will you be a stay at home mom?

Ok, I need to ask this and give my story....first the story.

I just graduated from college in August. Needless to say, I have to pay back over $40,000 in loans. I am a certified teacher, but jobs are super scarce here, so I sub at our school district. I enjoy doing it, and really want to get in full time here. Subbing here helps a lot. I was really hoping to get a job for the next school year, but when I found out I was pg (even if it was a singleton), and saw my due date, I knew that it wouldn't be happening, and I would sub again. When I found out that it was twins, I didn't know what to do. I knew I couldn't do the daycare DD was in b/c they do not do part-time, and I am not sending the babies when I am not working. However, I knew we couldn't afford for me to be off completely, and plus, I don't want to give up my career that worked hard for in college. DH does not want me to give it up either. So then we knew we need to find something that would be open to the day-to-day situation that I am in.

My mother then offered to come watch the babies here at our home when I worked. We will pay her to watch them, and I have made it clear that we would pay her per hour and only for the days I work. She agreed to this, and I have asked her several times if this is what she wants to do. So as of now, that is the plan (and I have also told her I need a definete answer b/c I don't want Sept. to roll around and her back out).

I bring this up b/c on another forum I am on, I kind of got critized by a couple of moms. Do you think this is a bad idea? We feel comfortable with it, and our only real concern is her being late in the mornings (so I tell her a time that is a little earlier). I don't plan on just jumping back in to an everyday status anyways b/c I know it is going to be hard.

What are your plans for when the babies are born? Will you work or stay at home?

We just cannot afford for myself to be off. If I worked full-time then they would most likely go to daycare, but since daycares are not flexible with my type of schedule we cannot do it. Plus it is soooo expensive just for one let alone two babies.

April

 

The idea you have in general sounds great, your children will love to bond with Grandma I am sure!! That would be terrific for them and Grandma. I feel like I am reading some insecurities or something (can't find the right word) about your mom though. Is there something you aren't sharing? Is there a reason you have to spell things out like paying her per hour only when she works and worrying about her being late? Again, I just feel something there that maybe doesn't sit right and I would not do it if I was not 100% comfortable with the decision.

I went back to work when K&K were 6 weeks old!

 

I'm not sure why you were getting criticized. Because you are going to be working or because they thought it was a bad idea for your mom to watch your babies? Either way, I wouldn't worry. If you are comfortable with the plan, then that's all that matters. I worked full time prior to having the babies and didn't know what I was going to do after they were born pretty much the whole pregnancy. I really didn't want to go back to work full time, but knew we couldn't afford for me to stay home either. About 2-3 weeks before my maternity leave was up a friend offered me a part time position at her company, which has worked out great. We put an add in the paper for an in-home child care provider since none of the daycare's offer part time rates. We got many calls on the ad and I met with the ones that I thought had the most potential. Our current (and wonderful!!) babysitter called while I was on the interview with my current job. She watches a couple other kids part time also, so we take the twins to her house, but I couldn't be happier with our situation.

Bottom line, you have to do what makes the most sense for your family. I wouldn't worry too much what everyone else thinks. I like working part time because I get a break from the girls, but am still with them more than I'm not.

Good Luck!!!

 

QUOTE(Dianne @ May 15 2007, 02:19 AM) [snapback]255286[/snapback]
The idea you have in general sounds great, your children will love to bond with Grandma I am sure!! That would be terrific for them and Grandma. I feel like I am reading some insecurities or something (can't find the right word) about your mom though. Is there something you aren't sharing? Is there a reason you have to spell things out like paying her per hour only when she works and worrying about her being late? Again, I just feel something there that maybe doesn't sit right and I would not do it if I was not 100% comfortable with the decision.

I went back to work when K&K were 6 weeks old!



I just wanted to make it clear with her how the pay was going to go early on that way there would be no question when it comes time. I wanted to let her know what we were willing to do pay wise and make sure she was ok with it. I say per hour b/c some days are only half days for me and I only get paid for that. Luckily, the hours will be stable. I have to be there at 8 (earliest I would have to leave the house is 7:45. A majority of the schools are about 5 minutes from my house literally), and I would be home by 3:30-4 (unless they extend the school day again).

My mom tends to be late at things. However, if I tell her to be at the house at 7:45, she will be there by 8 when DH leaves. Nothing too major, just a slight worry. Besides that I don't worry about too much else. She has been watching my 5mth old niece pretty much since she was a couple of weeks old, and enjoys it (except the squirt doesn't take naps ). So she is in the swing of things with babies. If it gets to be too much for her, then we may have to look for something else, and trust me, I am keeping that in the back of my brain.

April

 

I think it's a great idea but probably just because I'm doing the exact same thing! I too am a certified teacher. Next year would have been my 3rd year, but when I found out it was twins, I couldn't imagine leaving both of them with my mom. I decided not to sign my contract and just sub a few days a week or on an as needed basis (i.e. when we run out of my husand's savings. He's a teacher as well). I know that either way will be difficult but we're just going to take it a month at a time. I plan on paying my mom, but she won't accept much. I have some reservations about the situation because she kept my niece from 6 weeks to 2 and a half years old and I remember her making comments implying that she wanted to do some other things with her life besides watch babies. I know she loves my niece to death and she was sad when she went to day care, but my mom is only 50 and very active. The way I see it, unless you married rich, there are going to be some struggles one way or the other. Just do what feels best to you. Good luck. Feel free to PM me and congratulations on your degree and twins!

 

It is certainly hard to give up all that you have worked for! I am lucky in that I was already teaching when I got pregnant. When I delivered, I took the the rest of the year off (from March to June) and then started back to work when the babies were 6 mos old. I teach part time, sharing a contract with my friend.

I love my schedule and it sounds like you will be able to keep yours fairly flexible as well.

 

Forget the critics. You are doing what you can, and being able to arrange for family to take care of the kids when you cannot do it yourself is still MILES better than random strangers who they may never bond with.

Staying at home full time is a huge sacrifice and not everyone can afford to do it. The fact that you're looking to stay home when you can, and ensuring that they're getting good care outside of that is doing plenty as a soon-to-be-parent.

And to answer your question - I was the one who stayed at home after the kids were born, but I had a lot of help from my parents, who now watch them during the hours when I'm out now that I've gone back to work part time.

Hope that helps!

--> Andy

 

Two years ago I made career change - partly because I wanted job flexibility so I could have time with the family we were planning and partly because I was unhappy in my current career.

I think your plan sounds great! My sister works full-time and my nephew spends 3 days in day care and 2 days staying with his Grandma. She is trying to find a different job so she can get him out of day care - he likes it, it's just expensive and the kid is always sick!

I was working part-time before I had complications, and I plan on going back at some point. I was only going to take 6-8 weeks off after the babies arrive, but I need to see how it goes. I will be able to work an evening or two a week and a few hours a couple of weekends a month around my husband's 8-5 weekeday schedule because we don't have any family at all here.

Best of luck to you....I can't imagine why anyone would criticize your choice!

 

I am sorry you got critized on another board. I think too often us moms think our way is the best way and that way should be a blanket cover across the board. Not only are we all different, but our situations are different as well. This just makes for endless possibilities of what can be right for you family. It sounds like you put alot of thought into this and like it will be a good plan IF your mother works out.

There are some women who were meant to be SAHMs. They love it and live for it! There are other women who would just go nuts if they didn't have a career. They thrive this way and are truely happier producing a happier home in the process. Both types of moms are normal and both can and do raise wonderful families.

I think most of us are where you are at. We want to still feel validated outside the home, but we do not want to NOT be their for our families, especially our babies. Those of us in this catagory can get stuck in having to go to work full time because we have to financially. Others are stuck in staying home full time, because no matter their job, they couldn't afford childcare. Some of us lucky ones, have a job or job option that lets us continue to work part time with easier childcare options or flexible job hours which go around our SO's job schedule.

It is hard not to doubt yourself as a new mom to be. But try to listen to your own heart rather then other's critizing words, no one but you and your DH can know what is best for your family.

 

After the twins were born, I struggled with this decision as well. I went back to work on a reduced schedule and they went to daycare 3 days a week. (Most of the daycares around here have pricing for 2, 3 or 5 day weeks). They did so well in the daycare and I got to keep things going in my career. I am an older mom and thought that the twins would be too much for my mother (69 at the time).

I have recently become a SAHM, with the birth of our 3rd child. Daycare costs would've been covered by my salary, but it wouldn't have given me much left over. So the decision (a very difficult one) was made.

It sounds like you have a great arrangement worked out. Ignore your critics and do what you think is best for your family.

 

I am lucky enough to work from home with a little travel included here and there. I have been researching part-time daycare in my area. I think I can pull off having them at daycare maybe 3 days a week and maybe even half days. Still, it will cost us total of $1,000 a month to have both babies go to daycare for 4 hours a day 3 days a week - WOW!!! I am also interviewing a couple of girls who will come into the house and watch them which would be preferable as I will be here.

The thing is, we have no family here and if I had a mother who was willing to help out I would definitely at least give it a shot. I say go for it and be glad you have found an answer to one of the most challanging situations - working, being a mom, and finding trusted care for your children.

Amy

 

I work full time in sales and my mom keeps my children. We pay her and this is what she want to do. It is working great for us. When the twins come we will be hiring another lady to come for about a year; until the twins are over a year old and my DS goes to K4.

People don't always "get this"; but no one knows what is best for you and your family but you and DH.

Jen

 

Like others have said...you need to do what YOU are comfortable with. It sounds like you've got a great plan in place--my only advice would be to stay flexible. Plans change, and that's ok too! My sister is a teacher too, and wanted to stay home for the first year of her babies life, so she did private tutoring out of her house. People pay a pretty penny for that...any chance you might be able to do that as well? I think it's great you have family around to help. Good luck to you!

Reyna

 

I have to agree -- sounds like a great plan. I'm lucky enough that my work alows 6 months (unpaid grant you) off after the babies are born... and we're looking into a plan where i could go back part time for 6 more months (with DH's mom taking care of the babies half days). We simply cannot afford for me to quit work totally -- and to be honest (though i say this now knowing i could change my mind) i'm not sure i'm cut out to be a SAHM. I love my job - i'm good at it, and it makes me feel good. Again, just like everyone else, I don't think anyone should critize a very personal desision like this - no one but you knows what works for you and your family.

 

I plan on going back to work full time a couple months after our twins are born. I have been on short term disability since Feb so I will have almost been out of work for 6 months this year, but luckily my company pays disability. I get the "look" and the sometimes almost rude comments when I say I am going back to work. But the bottom line is I love what I do (I am pharmaceutical sales rep) my hours are somewhat flexible (I work from home but go out to see 10-12 drs a day) I will have the help of my husband (he works at a TV station so he works 2:30 to midnight) and like you my Mom will be watching them when either my DH or I are not home. Plus, we can't afford to go without my paycheck especially with two more mouths to feed You need to do what is best for you and your family. I have a couple friends that our SAHMs and some love it, but some want to go back to work. Each person and family is different. Hope that helps!

 

i PLAN to go back to work after the babies are born, but i'll be working only 3 days a week (cuz that's what i work now... i work at a hospital and am lowest on the hours totem pole). my mom offered to watch the babies, and is excited to do it. i got some heat for it, but mostly from the older generations; they don't really understand. who cares what others think/say... they don't know your situation. my husband is doing the math of how much it'll cost a month just for diapers, and it's astonishing! not to mention we're getting a new car, AND looking for a house before the end of this year! so yeah, you do what's best for you!

 

I think that sounds like a great arrangement. You won't really know how it will work for you until you're there and plans can always change. With my first, my husband got laid off right before I had him so I had to go back to work when he was 6 weeks. Then when he was 8 months old, I got so sick I had to go on disability and didn't go back to work full-time. Since then I stayed a part-time contractor, now working 10 hrs/wk from home.

With the twins coming I'm once again re-thinking everything. I had planned to hire a part-time babysitter to come watch them but it's been hard to find someone. I'm now thinking about using an au pair even though I'll actually be going in debt to do that for the first year - hard choices. If I can get my employer to give me 5 more hours/week I'll break even. It's hard to balance and childcare is difficult.

I'm sorry you got criticized - we all have these tough decisions to work out and should be supporting one another! Good luck!

--Krista