why don't they understand?

i have a co-worker (who is also a friend) who i've known for 10 years, and when we were both younger and single, we used to hang out a lot. anyway, she is now married and has a son who is almost 4, and i've got my 19 month old twins. she's been saying that we need to get together for a playdate soon, and i agree, but i keep putting it off because i'm scared! i took them on their first playdate with a 2 year old this week, and it wasn't bad, but i did have my hands full. so i think she's starting to get annoyed that we haven't gotten our kids together yet, and she said to me this week "why are you so scared to get out with your girls??" gosh, it's not easy! plus they are not to a point where they listen to me much yet. am i being unreasonable to be hesitant?

 

I totally feel ya, it's not easy getting out solo with two babies! Especially toddlers. I have my DS who is almost 6. My nephew is 4 and not too interested in playing with the "babies" If you feel uncomfortable or if you are afraid of how your friends 4 year old will react to them maybe tell her that you want to wait until your girls are older so they will be able to play more with her son.

Do you have a MOPS group in your area? If you join, it may help ease your mind and your girls will get used to playing with other children. Just a thought. I love my local MOPS group!

 

That is SO irritating! Have you had her over to your home with her child? Maybe that way she could see just how challenging it can be trying to keep up with 2 kids usually going in 2 different directions.

 

Playdates with different age groups are hard. A lot of times playdates are for the adults but when you are trying to keep up with your two, it makes it hard. :hug: Have you told her what you are worried about?

 

I agree, its a hard age difference... but what I would do is to find a place to go that is gated. we have several fully gated parks in our area, and those are ideal. the kids can play and you can watch and talk. though I will still say that this week a bunch of twin moms and us got together... there were over 8 in our age group, and it was fun, but still.. you're running after your kids and playing with them and they are running after their kids...

if she can come to your environment it might be a nice solution... good luck.

 

I was generally pretty brave about taking my kids out alone (much braver than I was about staying home with them!), but that age (say, 15-20 months) was the hardest. They are so active but they have zero common sense and no listening skills!

I also agree that moms of singletons have NO idea.

That said, it can actually be easier for two adults to watch three kids than for one adult to watch two kids -- assuming both adults are really watching. I would make it clear to her that you will be spending most of your time following the toddlers around, but if that's OK with her, give it a try. And definitely find someplace gated, and ideally without too many other kids around.

Almost 4 actually may not be that bad an age (depending on the boy's temperament) for having a shared playdate. He is old enough to understand how to treat the little ones, and is also fairly likely to just ignore them. I think it would be harder to have three toddlers together (as you did on your last playdate effort) than to have two toddlers and an older preschooler.

Also remember that everything gets easier with practice, so give it a shot! Good luck!

 

hugs it is a hard thing!! I think picking a place that you're comfortable with is the key. Whether it be your house or a park that is enclosed and that you know. Maybe a walking play date, you can walk the mall and the kids will stay in the stroller and the 4 year old can run around. Just a thought. :grouphug:

 

I totally see where you're coming from... I'd invite her over or find an enclosed place to meet!

 

I totally can see where you are coming from...I do playdates with my friend who has an 8 year old, 6 year old and 18 month old and we started off with playdates in the home and then ventured out. I say start off with what you are comfortable with :hug:

 

i was going to say the same thing. i think PPs have given lots of good ideas for ways to make a playdate work. just be prepared to not have much time for visiting - i always go to these things looking forward to hanging out with the other mothers only to leave and realize i didn't say a word to anyone. :laughing: still, it's nice to get out of the house & i know the girls enjoy themselves. GL!

 

[quote name='Shelly's twins' date='14 January 2010 - 09:21 AM' timestamp='1263489663' post='1554814']
That is SO irritating! Have you had her over to your home with her child? Maybe that way she could see just how challenging it can be trying to keep up with 2 kids usually going in 2 different directions.
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I was going to say the same thing. I went to an enclosed toddler park this weekend and it was still hard and I had my DH there to help! So many people said, "I don't know how you do it" I don't think they would've understood otherwise. And my girls aren't super crazy either; it's just that one wants to be exclusively on the swings and the other wants to climb up the slide. Two different activities…one parent!

Sometimes they need to experience it with you...

 

Yep even an enclosed park is hard for me with my two because they aren't careful around those awful "drop off" areas that all playgrounds seem to have. And if there's more than one you run back and forth like a crazy person to make sure no one falls off the cliff. As they get more coordinated, park dates will become easier. Today was the first time I had the guts to take them to a gymnasium for a gymnastics session. I couldn't control them but have become more "ok" with the fact that one might run off into the gym and I can always hold one and chase after the other if there's a safety problem. But it is scary, I'm always on edge and definitely no ability to talk to the other moms. Story time is where we started out a couple months ago b/c at least it's an enclosed room with no dangers, so if they run around and don't listen it's not going to hurt them! I prefer house playdates personally where you can shut doors. Except houses with stairs, forget it

 

I don't blame you one bit. I had gone out when my boys were a bit younger with a woman who had a son close to my boys' age. It was a disaster! We went to one of those bouncy house places and they were all over the place getting into plugs and cables. They hated the bouncers and to be honest with you, there was nothing for them! They got sick from there too...Kiefer with an ear infection!!! yuck! I need someone to help me watch them. They go in multiple directions at the same time and there's only one of me. So now if I go to a place like that, I will not go as a solo parent. I cannot assume that anyone else will watch them. Now, they are a little better at listening, but I still can't trust that they'll not get in to somethign when my eyes are not focused on them.

 

Going out is such a pain. Currently we only go to the gym, mother's morning out program and an enclosed park. The enclosed park is still scary. This week, I was helping DD off of the slide and DS fell off the open section of the climber. I felt horrible, like I was really a neglectful Mom. He was okay. Fortunately the ground cover is soft sand. We have weekly play dates at the park, and it's exhausting. We never get to talk to anyone. Just run, run, run (good exercise ??).
The last time we went out to eat was several months ago. Even with 2 people, it just wasn't enjoyable. My DD wanted to get up and run through the restaurant. I'd rather stay home and feed them here.
We go out once a day, but sometimes I dread it. At times, it will be better than I expected. Other times, a bit worse. Oh, well.

 

It's hard but I get together with other moms for classes or playgroups or museums at least 3x a week. The way I feel about it is that it's not their fault they are twins and since these are my only kids I don't want to miss out on all the fun of being a mommy in my city. I'm tired but it all keeps me I'm shape. Overall everyone has more fun than at home.

 

not sure how well 18 monthers and a 4 y/o will play together.

That said, I don't get the scared thing. yes, it's a lot of work but work doesn't scare me. I am wondering if you don't really mean scared as much as don't feel up to all the work. That I get! I do think it would be easier if she came to your house and maybe doing it that way it wouldn't feel so overwhelming.
I also agree that it gets easier with practice, you just have to do it.
I do think that as parents we can let things like this interfere with our lives and it's important to realize that you deserve to see your friends too. I can see where your friend is coming from. I'd be upset too if my friend was too overwhelmed to make time for our friendship too.

Good luck!