Why does everyone keep asking?

Lately the number one question....no make that the number two question (the first one is "Are they related?") is if I have help. I tell people how old they are before this question (most times) but need to explain that I have it on my own and do just fine. Is it really that critical to have help. I mean there are millions of mothers with more than one child (same age or not) so what makes me different? It makes me feel like as a mother I can't raise to kids without assistance. Weird.

 

Diddo! I have an 18 mo. old and 3 mo. old twins and I do just fine (most of the time). Don't get me wrong it is hard but I manage.

 

I understand you being annoyed with this question/comment. I also get this all the time when I'm out shopping with the girls and it's just me. Why wouldn't I be out shopping and doing things? Just because I have twins I can't lead a normal life? Okay, it comes with it's own set of chellenges, but we manage pretty well!

 

i'v gotten this question a lot also. the thing that bothers me is when I say "no" people look at me like they feel sorry for me? would they ask a mother with children of different ages if she has help? I don't think they would!
I was out shopping with both of them BY MYSELF one day (this is when they were maybe a month old, and someone asked if I was shopping alone with the babies? I said "yes", and they said "well aren't you brave"! well first of all they slept the whole time b/c they were so little, and again they wouldn't say that to a mother with 5 kids by her side if they were different ages!

 

Yeah I get that look too....like awwww....it doesn't really annoy me being asked but I just don't understand it. Then I have to say, it is just me and DH and been that way since they were 2 weeks old and I am a "pro" ( I actually do the quotation marks) at it now. I only do that because no one has all the answers and I don't want to seem self righteous. Then they ask if I have family nearby and I say yes and they say well at least you have help. Again...with what?? Maybe people just have a thought that twins are so difficult. While I admit there are plenty of challenges, it is not impossible.

 

I get this all the time too... and "I hope you have family close by!" I always answer that we do not, and people give such pitying looks and comments!

Truth is, I wish that we did have some family closer... Not for help with the day to day stuff, but for an occasional hand with the difficult stuff - like dragging all the kids to the OB with me, or having to take the boys to DD's preschool parent day, or looking at real estate, etc. Sometimes it WOULD be nice to have another reliable set of hands close by! :FIFblush:

 

Grrrr! I am a single mother and I sometimes get the 'pity looks' when I answer that question! DONT pity me, I chose to be single and I am doing a great job if I do say so myself!

And you are doing a fabulous job with those beautiful babies! Ignore their comments, people are dumb.

 

QUOTE(jdio33 @ May 24 2008, 10:27 PM) [snapback]791797[/snapback]
i'v gotten this question a lot also. the thing that bothers me is when I say "no" people look at me like they feel sorry for me? would they ask a mother with children of different ages if she has help? I don't think they would!
I was out shopping with both of them BY MYSELF one day (this is when they were maybe a month old, and someone asked if I was shopping alone with the babies? I said "yes", and they said "well aren't you brave"! well first of all they slept the whole time b/c they were so little, and again they wouldn't say that to a mother with 5 kids by her side if they were different ages!


i am getting the same questions now--its not hard they sleep so much im use to being out with my kids alone, i have been since DS1

 

Do you sometimes wish conversations were about something other than the babies ? I miss when people would just talk about the weather.... I usually just look at people with a strange look and say that I don't know what it is like to have one. Our brains just think in twos. Only "good" help is helpful anyway.

 

I've been asked about the help question since I was pg, which made me really nervous as a first-time mom without lots of help (other than DH's huge help!). We do just fine. Truly, most people don't have much help....so the question is silly to me!! Any help someone were to get does not usually most of the childcare routine or day to day stuff.

 

Yeah, people are just naturally curious and I think they feel compelled to make comments and just dont know what to say so they just pick some random question.

 

No, not critical. I do it on my own

 

I get this alot too!!! I tell them it can be hard, but I dont know what it is like otherwise, I have adapted to twins and I do just fine! Sometime I get "wow you are a super mom" or "you are my hero". Those comments really make my day! And I do smile and nod and agree with them

 

I get that question alot to even though they see I have their father with me. I'm thinking that most who ask this are mothers who had one baby and was hard to handle and can't imagine anyone taking on two newborns at the same time. When they don't know that it is possible for twins to be good babies and can be handled by one person.

 

I get it too. I say no and most are amazed. It would bother me if they looked at me w/ pity, but I haven't gotten that yet!

 

Ugh! I hate this question. I started getting it when people first found out I was having twins, it actually made me nervous- Will you have help? Will you have help? I thought oh no maybe I can't do this on my own.

Now I get it all the time and yeah get pity looks to when I say I do it on my own...........did I say I hate this question!


Oh and not to hijack the thread but about a month ago this Wal-Mart worker looks at the boys and basically says something like oh that must be horrible. Totally floored me I was like no it isn't and she say " Oh you must have a lot of help then" and I said "no I don't I have great boys!" What a B****h

Sorry had to get that off my chest I just can't seem to get over it.

Erica

 

You know Adia, you should really go shopping with me. I must scare people off, or I just look so confident that no one has asked me if I had help since they were about 12 weeks old.

 

I think people are so overwhelmed just by having a singleton (especially if it's their first), they just can't fathom how anyone can take care of two babies.

And having kids one at a time (even if you wind up having several) is still more common than multiples. Anything that's different seems harder. Plus, I think people assume that if you have 5 kids, you must have chosen to have 5 kids -- whereas if you have multiples, it was unintentional and therefore you must be overwhelmed.

I had tons of help when they were tiny, and my babies went to daycare at 8 weeks old and I was hardly ever on my own with them -- but people still say "I don't know how you do it!" Geez, when they're two years old, it's just not that hard.

 

don't be bothered by it, be flattered! The truth is it's IS hard parenting even one sometimes.
People know that 2 isn't cake, they know it's demanding and are probably hoping you say "yes" because they know it'd be difficult for them!