Why can't they look like me?!?!?

Why is it that they always look like someone on her side of the family? It just irritates the heck out of me when she makes comments about the twins (and my oldest DS because he doesn't look like me either you know) and how they look like FIL, or Uncle X or DH when he was little. What about me?? When they actually look like my baby pictures and my Dad's baby pictures. And then she will say Lee looks just like FIL. Hello?!?!? They are identical!! I need to start saying 'well I kind of think Lee looks like Lee' or something like that. They all have a mixture of both of our familes, so who really cares who they look like!!

 

Happens here too. Actually my son is a clone of his daddy and my MIL so I really can't argue! When they pulled Ben out, one of the first things I said was, "He looks just like Danny," my DH's brother. Note to self, men don't like to hear their wives say their child looks like their brother in the delivery room.

 

My MIL makes very similar comments. I don't see her that often so I kind of let them slide but it is definitely annoying to say the least.

 

Ya know what, I find that whole thing a little silly because they change SO MUCH!. Sure there are babies that REALLY favor a family member. My Nephew was one of them. He was a little Mini Me to his dad. Now as he grows he's changing all the time and continuously looks like a different family member. I am SURE my SIL and her DH were SICK fo hearing how much he looked like him (although it was pretty amazing how totally alike he looked).

But after a period of time they keep changing and growing. I would say something a wee bit sarcastic like "well, I think he looks like the cat in the hat or I definitely see a bit of Goofy or Donald Duck in him - but his identical twin brother looks more like Woody from the Toy Story." Something nonsensical to maybe get the point across.

If that doesn't work, then I would just say - "I know, they look like your family, I wish they looked more like me but they don't - no need to continue rubbing it in my face". That should do the trick!

 

Wow!! That is amazing!

 

dd looks like my GREAT GRANDMOTHER and my mother..
but their is definetly a blood line resemblance


They almost look like the same person in that first set of photos!

 

My MIL does that all the time too. I always supposed it was because she knew my DH, his brothers and various members of her family, but she didn't know me or my family when we all were babies. (Was that even clear?)

After Dave was born she kept commenting how much like Mike Dave looked. He's my male clone, he does not look like his dad at all.... he does act like his father though. She thinks Emma looks exactly like me, no she's pretty much half and half but slightly favors her daddy and his side of the family. Now when the boys were born she stopped commenting on Dave's resemblance to Mike because James is Mike's clone. (Sean is another male clone of myself).

Try not to let it bother you. I think it's one of those obnoxious things that MILs do (which means we'll do it someday too! )

 

I remembered there was a study a while back done, and googled this article...

QUOTE
http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article...addy/article.do

Why all mums say baby looks just like daddy

It is a much-favoured pastime for parents, spotting the parental likenesses in their new arrival.

But there may be more to mummy's assessment than meets the eye (or the nose, mouth or dimpled chin).

A new mother, research suggests, is most likely to find paternal similarities in her baby, even when there aren't any.

Her motives, according to the experts, are self-serving and built firmly into her evolutionary psyche.

Seemingly innocent comments such as 'He's got his father's eyes' or 'She's got her daddy's hair' are in fact a concerted, if subconscious, effort by a mother to convince their partner that he really is the father.

Scientists who conducted the research believe the female strategy has evolved over time to allay male anxiety about paternity. If a father is reassured that the child looks just like him, it makes him fatherly and more prepared to look after both infant and mother, they conclude.

There are many high-profile instances in which such devious tactics would not appear to be necessary, of course. Mick Jagger insisted on a DNA test to prove

Scientists who conducted the research believe the female strategy has evolved over time to allay male anxiety about paternity. If a paternity of his son Lucas by model Luciana Morad, despite facial traits which have since developed into a quite dramatic likeness.

Although Jagger disputed paternity until it was proved he was the father, he is now close to his son and contributes to his upkeep.

Boris Becker, who also disputed parenthood following a fleeting affair - in his case a fumble in a restaurant broom cupboard - need hardly have bothered with the DNA test, as the unmistakable features of red-haired Anna, now six, began to emerge.

Jamie Oliver (daughter Poppy Honey), David Jason (Sophie May), Rod Stewart (Alastair) and Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff (Holly), are other examples of nature taking care of paternal confirmation.

Those who took part in the survey, however, appear to have had no such assistance. Sixty-nine families with a total of 83 children up to the age of six were studied by scientists from Sheffield University and Montpellier University in France. The parents-were asked who their babies and children most resembled.

Pictures of the children were then shown to 209 independent judges who were asked to study them for similarities to their parents, and the two sets of results were then compared.

All the mothers said boys looked liked their father, and 77 per cent said girls looked like him too. More than eight out of ten men also thought the child took after them.

Yet the judges decided half the babies looked like mum, with only one in three looking like dad.

The report says: 'We found that mothers claim a paternal resemblance at birth that does not correspond to the actual resemblance, suggesting possible manipulation of the perception of facial resemblance to increase confidence of paternity.'

The research, to be published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour, found that for newborns, boys and girls actually resemble their mothers more.

Girls continue to resemble their mothers as they grow older, while boys begin to resemble their fathers more between the ages of two and three.


Maybe part of it is your MIL subconciously wanting to reinforce feelings in your Husband so that he will be a more faithful father/husband?

FWIW, I've got My Oldest Son and one of the twins that looks exactly like my pictures, while the other twin looks exactly like my wife's baby pictures. By the time they get into their teens/twenties, everyone will think the first two are the twins, because the actual twins look so different from one another.

 

OMG! My MIL is the same way. This summer it was that my Nolan looked just like "her Jay" (that's what she calls him). Someone even gave us a picture of Doug at 3 years old and he looks just like Nolan, but no......he looks like "her Jay" (that's my bil). She showed me a picture of Jay at that age, yes he has the same coloring, but that's about it. Oh, and Meghan looks like her granddaughter Mikayla (I don't think so) and who does Liam look like, maybe my uncle so and so or this one or that one. UMMMMMM, I had a little bit to do with it too, Lady!

Thanks for posting this! It let me get my frustrations out!

 

My mom drives me crazy w/this...but in the opposite direction. She doesn't care much for dh or his family (she makes this pretty well known) and constantly tells me that all 3 of mine look just like his side of the family. I always feel like she's insulting my children because I KNOW that she doesn't like any of them (not the kids, his family).

 

OMG!!!that absolutly drives me crazy , ALL my IL's do it, "oh she looks like blah blah blah, or he looks like blah blah blah<<<<" WHO THE HECK CARES!!!" i finally came out & said, "I THINK THEY LOOK LIKE THEMSELVES".needless to say they got they point...i rarely hear it anymore, i think i would rip there heads off if they said it again.. :icon_eek:

(4 out of 5 look like me :blbl: )

 

QUOTE(****mws**** @ Oct 24 2007, 02:58 PM) [snapback]465046[/snapback]
http://www.kodakgallery.com/BrowsePhotos.j...;upload_count=3

[email protected]
111111

She is your mini twin! Cute pics!

 

I don't have this problem with my MIL, she'll flat out say that both girls look just like me, but my SIL insists they look just like my DH. It's really frustrating, she acts like they are all my DH's children and I didn't have anything to do with it. I even got my baby pictures out, and she still wanted to argue with me. I've finally just gave up, I know the girls look like me and thats all that matters. Its funny Josh and I are always teasing about how the girls got this butt chin, high forehead, and most of the red hair from him and I did the rest.

 

Everyone has said from the beginning that the boys look EXACTLY like their daddy and after reading the PPs article, it makes more sense to me now. I've thought from the beginning that they got their daddy's hair (lucky boys, he's mid 40's and still has his hair...) but pretty much everything else is me or my side of the family.

It's never bothered me, though, that people want to speculate on which traits belong to whom. I don't think it's meant to be hurtful. Clearly it bothers you so I'd suggest telling them in the nicest way you can think of and then ask them to be considerate of your feelings and stop the comparisons. Do this before it upsets you enough that you explode and say something you later regret.

 

QUOTE(dawnmj @ Oct 24 2007, 09:44 AM) [snapback]465012[/snapback]
My MIL makes very similar comments. I don't see her that often so I kind of let them slide but it is definitely annoying to say the least.



Same Here! My MIL insists that the red hair Ben has came from her father's sisters. Even though my hair has red highlights and my grandfather's hair was auburn. I am sure most likely it came from both sides, but still! It gets annoying! Also, like Dawn said, my inlaws live pretty far away so I don't see them as often, so I don't have to put up with it all the time.

 

I have to admit I do this all the time. I can't help it. My "cousin" and his G/f just had a baby about a month ago, and the baby looks just LIKE him, and his mother. I got picutes of the baby w/ grandma and you can easliy see the similarties.

 

Ok, ladies. I'm a little confused. I have people tell me all the time that the babies look like so-and-so relative. Everyone has a different opinion based on a characteristic and who they are most familiar with. This doesn't bother me. I join in the game. My confusion is about why this is a negative thing? Someone is admiring your babies and just comparing them to someone whose features they know. Why is this making people angry? I really am just confused, not trying to upset anyone.

 

I think the reason is pisses people off so badly is sometimes when its done (at least with my mil) its like she is "laying claim on them"...if that makes sense. One time I told my mil that I thought one of the kids was starting to favor me finally (I feel like none of mine even look like me) and she was like "oh no, not at all". It crushed me...why I am not sure.. Maybe bc when you have kids, you would like to at least see a little of yourself/your family in your kids and to think that they all look like his side of the family just pisses me off!!

 

QUOTE(4jsinPA @ Oct 26 2007, 06:55 PM) [snapback]468886[/snapback]
I think the reason is pisses people off so badly is sometimes when its done (at least with my mil) its like she is "laying claim on them"...if that makes sense. One time I told my mil that I thought one of the kids was starting to favor me finally (I feel like none of mine even look like me) and she was like "oh no, not at all". It crushed me...why I am not sure.. Maybe bc when you have kids, you would like to at least see a little of yourself/your family in your kids and to think that they all look like his side of the family just pisses me off!!


Then, do you only tend to feel this way with people you don't get along with? My MIL get along fine and it never bothers me when she says stuff like that. But, I can see where it might if I didn't get along with her.

 

My MIL occasionally tries to find something in The Boy that looks like DH, but other than the eye color, it's pretty tough. He looks just like me.

Our first born was DH's clone. If I hadn't birthed him, I wouldn't know he was mine at all.

 

QUOTE
Then, do you only tend to feel this way with people you don't get along with? My MIL get along fine and it never bothers me when she says stuff like that. But, I can see where it might if I didn't get along with her.


Nope we get along fine usually. I mean I won't say thats not the reason, but deep down she is a really great person, I just can't stand when she says that!