Why can't other people understand that we have to stick to our schedule?

I get grief all the time from other people about not bringing the babies to this or that event...which would keep them up way past their 6:30 bedtime or make them miss one or both naps, not to mention my pumping schedule. Why do other people not understand that I'm doing what's best for the babies? I went to my grandmother's 95th birthday party the other night. It was 45min away & started right at the girls bedtime. I had my husband put them to bed by himself for the first time ever (he was very nervous, but did fine!) & I went to the party. As soon as I arrive, she asks "where are the babies?" "They're in bed. They get very grumpy if I keep them up past their bedtime" I say. Her response was "Well I had 4 kids. I'm used to crying babies." What??? So she wanted me to keep two tired upset babies up for hours past their bedtime just for her? I get these type of responses everywhere I go without the babies. Does this happen to everyone else? Just wanted to rant about for a minute. How can other people be so selfish?

 

I got that also but honestly, you do what you gotta do that is easiest on you! It is frustrating but they aren't the ones dealing with two crying and fussing at the same time. It is even harder when you know they wouldn't be like that if they were home and could be in bed. That is how I look at it!

 

Argh! That's just insane. I would never mess up my babies' sleep just to go to an event. I hate it enough if they miss a nap because of a doctor appointment or something.

 

Yeah I hear ya! My mom always wants to come visit the twins after work ... but she doesn't get to my house until like 6pm ... and i always tell her it's fine, but she's going to experience bath time and then give them a 630pm bottle and off to bed ... and she makes comments like "well, can't they stay up late for grandma?" and i'm like "no, they can't. Because mommy and daddy will pay for it later" ...

we do try to take them out and do things with them ... but bed time is pretty strict. I mean, we went out to a fair one night with them and stayed until 7pm ... but we stopped to feed them when it was bottle time ... and they fell asleep in the stroller and when we got home, they were already asleep and went right into their cribs ... so that didn't screw up their schedule and they still slept through the night ...

i think it's hard to get people to understand how hard it is ... especially when you have two of them ... it's one thing to deal with one cranky baby ... but two is a lot harder ... stick to your guns. Do what you have to do, and don't feel like you have to apologize for putting the babies first.

 

I am very unflexible when it comes to bedtime! I need that schedule as much as they do! Now, when they are older, 2 or 3, I will certainly give a little!! :hug99:

 

Right there with you! People don't understand. When someone will give me grief like that - I just say "If you'd like to come back to my house and put them to bed / get up with them - deal with them being cranky - OK let's go get em!" That usually shuts them up. I say it nicley of course I've had good friends say - "Oh don't put them down right now for a nap - so and so is coming over and will be bummed if she doesn't see the babies" :angry: - yep that's the look they get. It's funny - I have teenage nieces that LOVE the girls - help me out from time to time. I call it "birth control weekend at Kim's" as once they see all the work that goes into taking care of babies - they think twice about the sex thing - or atleast think about protection :huh:

 

I hear ya! I get grief all the time!! The girls naps/feedings and my pumping is set in stone and if we miss something, then tough!

I got a bunch of crap just recently that I'm so "inflexible" an I need to make compromises, blah blah blah. this coming from my BIL/SIL who have no kids. They have no clue!

 

The people giving the grief are either selfish or clueless...or a little of both! Do what you have to do for the little ones....and for yourselves...then everyone else can get in line!


Missy

 

Get used to it! I have to deal with it from MIL as well as friends that only have one baby. Also most of our friends don't have kids so they really don't get it. I also tell them that if they want to come over and spend the morning dealing with 2 cranky babies we would be happy to stay! People don't get that if you miss a nap or have a late bedtime THE KIDS DON'T SLEEP LATER IN THE MORNING!

Yes there are instances that we will skip a nap or be a bit late on bedtime, but it sure isn't going to be when MIL can't bother to show up on time for her visit! Just because she is always at least 45 minutes late doesn't mean that my day is going to be thrown off.

 

This just happened to me! DH and I dropped the kiddos off at my parent's house before going to a BBQ. Everyone at the party wanted to know where the boys were and were astonished when I told them we didn't want to keep them out past their bedtime. I got a lot of, "There are lots of women here who can hold the babies!"

Yeah...but where are those women in the middle of the night when I've got two unhappy kiddos whose schedule is thrown off!

Our bedtime schedule is sacred. Singleton mamas just have a different perspective, I guess.

 

I hear ya! Yesterday my parents wanted to come by and visit. I told them "well the babies will be napping and I have work to do." Their response "We don't mind." How about I mind?!?!? I should have put my foot down because the girls woke up shortly after my parents arrived (my dad swears he didn't wake Ana but somehow she woke up just as he was going to peek in their room). Then they wanted to play with the babies.. well as you all know babies who only sleep 30 minutes when they usually sleep an hour and a half aren't very happy. My dad's response "Oh it looks like we've come at a bad time and you have your hands full so we'll leave." WTF?!?!? You come over here, wake up my kids, and then when they start to scream, you leave because *I* have my hands full!!? Sorry I don't mean to hijack your post with my rant. I seriously don't understand why people don't get it. Guess its some baby amnesia. -Leighann

 

People think I am nuts too, but I live by my schedule, it keeps me sane and I do what's best for my children and my family. They're simply not enjoyable when they stay up to late and I have to pay the price in the end ...

 

I'm right there with you too!!! DH and I were just talking about "breaking" it to his family that we will be getting a hotel room again this Thanksgiving and not staying in one of his cousin's houses. They all have little ones and don't seem to mind if they're up until 10, 11 o'clock at night. I need my babies to SLEEP! I cannot deal with being away from home with cranky toddlers times 2 :icon_eek:

 

I get the same grief all the time. I stick to my guns...our night time routine is nonnegotiable at this time. When they're older, I'll reconsider but not now!

 

i haven't even had my babies yet, and i'm getting this grief. my in-laws do thanksgiving at their house every year, will the whole family, and with both my SIL's kids combined, there are 9 screaming, running, wild kids that have no bed times or rules! i told DH (who doesn't get it yet, but will very soon! ) and my MIL that i will probably only stop by for a short time with the babies for thanksgiving (i'm just thinking ahead of the feedings and the naps), and they both said, "oh, you'll probably feel fine by then..." ok. i'm not talking about ME! i'm talking about my little babies, who dont need all the noise and germy hands, and people walking in when i'm trying to privately feed them!

 

I think the short answer to your question is: THEY DON'T HAVE TWINS!!!!!

Although I don't think I'd be much different with one baby, nobody except twin (or more!) mommies understand how freaking hard it is to master getting TWO babies to nap at the same time and to go to bed at the same time! Once a twin mommy has "mastered" this feat, nobody, but nobody, is going to mess it up!!!!

 

I'm guessing they didn't have twins

 

I just had to add that my mom used to tease me about how "rigid" about the girls' schedule when they were very little. I'll tell you that by the time they were 4 months old and sleeping through the night and taking regular naps...she changed her tune. She said that she now knows that it's that schedule that saved us and helped our babies develop good sleep habits.

Don't worry, do what's good for you and your babies!

 

I am right there with ya! I agree with PP...these people didn't have TWINS! Schedule is my sanity. We are somewhat flexible, but bedtime is bedtime. We get so much grief and the next person who says, "it's good for them to get out of their routine" I might just punch (kidding! Sort of...). Good for who? Me the next day when they are grumpy? Good for them when they are so overtired that they can't sleep and then are still crabby the next day? I can see when they get a little older that we will be flexible but right now, it's MY way!

 

We always get the "your leaving already?" question. Their schedule does have a lot more wiggle room right now since they're getting older, but definately at the stage you're at, we were very rigid on their schedule. We still have a firm bedtime for the most part, but they can better handle being up an hour or so later now if we're out somewhere. Its usually mommy that REALLY wants to keep their bedtime as much as possible because I need the downtime in the evening as much as they need their sleep!!

 

I get the same thing. My Mum can't understand why I don't want to drive to her place, 2 hours out of town, for every occasion. It is NOT fun doing that kind of stuff with my babies. They're little creatures of habit - routine is everything to us.

 

For family events, we've always been pretty flexible because family really wants to see the babies. Plus they try to accomodate an earlier start since we have little ones.

For other events, we generally try to stick with our schedule so if it falls after bedtime we don't go. Or we get a sitter.

I think a little flexibility in their schedule teaches them some flexibility. I have a MIL who goes haywire whenever something is different, and I don't want the kids to end up like that.

 

We were never on a tight schedule, except for bedtime. There was no way I'd let anyone mess with my babies' bedtime when they were that young. Even now, it's got to be a really special event and something *I* really want to do for that to happen. We let them stay up for a NY Philharmonic concert in the park this summer and I think that might have been it for that sort of thing in the past bunch of months. Just let them say whatever stupid things they say, and know that you are doing the right thing!

 

I guess I am going to pipe in with an unpopular comment.

I am a believer of schedules, dont get me wrong, but I think little ones can be a little flexible, or at least be exposed to some flexibility because when circumstances require you to be more flexible...they may be able to handle it.

But ultimatley they are your children and you know what is best for them.

 

Yeah MIL the other day said i want to come see them but our schdules dont fit. WHAT!!!!! COme on your day off you old lazy bat! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I can not thelp that they rae in bed at 8 PM when you are on your way home from work. GET OVER IT,t hey have meltdowns after that and want in bed. It is how they work and i am not kepping them up to make it easy or at your service to see them. Get over to our house (10 mins) on your day off and quit sleeping all day. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ok i totally took this post and vented now. LOL... sorry... i am so over this with her...

 

I get grief for my kids early bedtime. They go to bed at 7pm. They WANT to be in bed by then, they set their bedtime. But I still get crap from people when I go out alone, or say I can't go out because the kids have to be in bed in an hour. But know you, all you can do is ignore them. You are doing what is best for you and your family. If they really want to see your babies, can can take leave from work and come when the kiddos are awake during the DAY.

 

I know how you feel. I was dubbed "the sleep nazi" by my family when I had my son. Now I'm going through it again, but not at the same level (maybe because I have 2?)......