Why am I feeling so overwhelmed when they are 15 months?

I'm really struggling the past 2 or so weeks, and I feel like such a loser for it! We're out of the 1st year, so why do things still seem so hard for me? I love my boys, all 3, SO SO much and I am so thankful for each day that I am home with them and that I have them in my life, but.....

The boys are very clingy, want to be held all of the time, and are really doing strange napping - so it seems like there is always one baby awake at all times (except night time, thank goodness!). Like this morning, Finley woke up at 5:40, Sullivan woke up at 8:15. Finley went down for a nap at 8:15 and slept til 11:15!! We just finished lunch, I'm going to give them a bath and then Sullivan will go down for a nap. It just feels exhausting sometimes. My older DS is amazing and wonderful - but he talks my ear off all day long! I have to ask him for 5-10 minutes of no talking sometimes just so I can hear myself think. Maybe he's the next Thomas Edison, I just read yesterday that Thomas Edison asked so many questions he was kicked out of school! :lol:

Anyway, I've cried more, felt more overwhelmed, and more frustrated lately than I remember feeling in a long time. They cry more, they seem grumpier and get irritated at each other and they've started throwing tantrums when they don't get their way. Life is just like Groundhog Day right now. And family seems less likely to help or volunteer to watch the kids so my DH and I can go out - so maybe that contributes. It seems like while the rest of the world is thinking our life should be so much easier now that the babies are past the first year - my DH and I are still overwhelmed, exhausted, and still need a break sometimes.

And then I feel guilty, like I'm not able to enjoy them as much as I did my older DS because there is always so much to do. Sometimes it feels like there is never the time to just sit and watch them play, hang on their every new skill, etc. And that makes me so sad b/c it is so much fun just "being", you know? But with 3 or maybe just b/c there are twins - that chilled out time where you just sit and play and watch them seems so much more difficult to attain. Someone always needs something, a meal always needs to be prepared, etc.

Maybe I had unrealistic expectations about how "much easier" it would be at this age - or maybe I'm just pathetic and everyone else is coasting through these months relieved to out of the first 12 months? I don't know.

Can anyone relate? Any advice? We try to get out of the house 4 or more times/week and I find that very helpful. But they aren't walking yet, so we're limited on where we can go and they don't stay too happy in their stroller for too long any more, they would rather be out exploring.

I'm sorry to whine. Just had to get this out to people who I know will understand. I tried to tell my mom today (who is usually very understanding, and she compared it to not getting a break with the half-day kindergarteners that she is currently doing a long-term sub position for after retiring from teaching K last year ).

Thanks for reading! I feel better just writing it out!

 

Hi Jori,

I want to say that I really didn't struggle with my twins until they started walking. Yes I was tired but that was about it. I think the hardest time (so far) with having twins has been about 13 months to 3 y/o. I really had about 1.5 years of not being very happy and totally overwhelmed. The amount of times I enjoyed them was few and far between. They got into everything. Nothing ever stayed clean or in it's place. THey ate and fought constantly. The simpliest errand became a nightmare of embarrasment as I had to reprimand them contantly, chill out time? huh!, I said "no" about 235,235,869 times a day which made me feel so awful. I could go on and on.

Yes, my singletons were much more enjoyable. Yes, I'm terrbile for saying this but I enjoyed my singltons much more in their first 3 years than my twins. The 1 on 1 time was heaven. It's so much easier to control 1 child than 2 and the child gets ally our attention so they don't want to get into things they shouldn't as much.
Your not a bad person, just normal. :hug:
I am finding that once they hit about 3 y/o they are playing more indepentently, more nicely with each other and are just nicer to be around.

 

Jori - Sorry you’re having such a rough time of it lately… just know that you’re doing the best you can and can feel proud for surviving :hug:

I hope things get better for you soon. Take care of yourself as much as you take care of the LO’s and it will all work out.

 

You are NOT being pathetic!!! You are stressed out and need a break. I know exactly how you feel! Being a mom is hard, it's even harder being a mom of twins and even harder than that being a mom of more than 2! Hats off to you!! I only have 2 and don't stay home and I complain about how hard this stage is.

My twins are 18 months and into everything...they are sick all the time (from daycare) which makes them grumpy, whiny and clingy. Not a good combination. I had a mommy meltdown yesterday about it. I realized that I desparetly need a break, a night out with my hubbie. I think I'm going to ask for help from family. I think many people don't expect moms to need help anymore but we do. So, my advice...ask for what you need and don't feel guilty about it. It will make you a better mom to get out alone and get a break! You'll come back refreshed and ready to deal with the drama!

 

Jori :hug: you are not alone!
I feel like I spend most of my days being a referee then being a mother (as I just yelled at both of them to "STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" because one as hitting the other on the head). I give kudos to you moms with other children besides twins because I don't know how you all do it. I get so frustrated when they don't nap or nap at different times because I feel like, I just need a break...I need time to think for crying out loud. I'm not one of those people who can think on her feet, so I need that kid free time to just think. I know the first year was challenging and I think this second year has it's own challenges and there are days when I miss docile, easy to please babies and do not miss one year olds who have their own opinions about everything!

I think I could tape record myself because these the things I feel like I say all the time:
"Stop it!"
"Be nice!"
"Don't do that to your brother/sister"
"That's hurts...fill in the blank of the name of the person who is getting hurt at the moment"
"Don't touch that."
"Great job!" When they are being nice or doing something new.

I am definitely not coasting through this second year, that is for sure! Our time is strained and so is our family's so DH and I have not had time to go out on our own or had a night kid free. Time out together is not running errands...that seems to be the only time we get out together child free.

 

What about taking them to the mall to play in the play area? That is our go-to place to play.

 

QUOTE(mama23boys @ Apr 10 2009, 12:38 PM) [snapback]1267507[/snapback]
Life is just like Groundhog Day right now.

Oh you said it perfectly right there!! I am so sorry you are having such a hard time right now. I hope they become less clingy for you. Think that would make a huge difference and get on the same nap schedule. Lots of hugs!!!!


Dianna

 

:hug: Jori. For me the hardest time was around 15-18 months. They were into everything had no concept of danger and just a handful. The worst 'vacation' of my life was taking them to DH's families lake cabin at 15 months old. Seriously I was a basketcase by the end of 10 days there and went to my doctor for PPA (anxiety). I started meds and things were much better. I'm not saying thats the case for you, but this is a very trying age.

Once they start to communicate more (and that does NOT include grunting/pointing/whining/and then screaming!) and have a sense of cause-and-effect (hmmm maybe jumping off the couch onto the tile floor isn't a good idea), like got better and more enjoyable again.

There are fun things about toddlers too, but I actually missed when I could lay them on the floor and breathe for a moment. Twinfants are hard, but that doesn't mean twin toddlers are easier, its just different. :hug:

 

Thank you guys so very much! I knew that I would feel better just by posting here. I think sometimes I just feel so guilty! I felt like I was such a good mom to my older DS. I spent so much one on one time with him, so much time playing, reading, talking, singing, etc. - and I still had my "me" time and just felt all around great about everything! Now I feel like I'm trying so hard to be a good mom to all 3 of them - and it is so much more challenging when there is more than one child; then when you factor twins into, the challenge is just multiplied.

Thanks for all of your support, suggestions, and :hug: !!

 

oh hon, i wish i had more time! for now, i'll just send you a bunch of hugs!! and tell you i am in exactly the same boat! my dad was ill so i was worried about him, and while in the hosp my mom couldn't help me at all (which meant mil would not come over cuz she can't do it alone). dh and i had stuff to do over the weekend (we are remodelling a house we just bought) so i have not had a minute away in about two weeks! on top of that we are in total nap hell and they are "taking turns" which means no break for me during the day of cousre..... ok, so i just totally took over and instead of giving you sympathy gave you my sad story--sorry! but, i guess my point is that i am also having a very hard time so you are not alone!!

what will we do to make it better and get relief? and for you it's even tougher cuz you have 3.... does your older one every go to dc or classes or anything? is there anyone else that can give you a break? can you ask all those family members (that think it shoudl be fine now) for some help?

like i said, i'm sending you lots of hugs and sympanthy. i know the hard time will pass but it sucks when you're in the middle of it.

gl!

 

You aren't alone at all!! I was so happy to be done with the first year, but they are no picnic now either. I was actually wondering if anyone else was having trouble with their 15-16 month olds. I don't remember my older DS being such a handful...but the twins are horrible. The are into EVERYTHING, and they feed off of each other. This time is rough, I know how you feel. I have actually told my DH I think I am in the movie "Groundhog Day".....it's the same thing over and over. I know that things will eventually get easier, but I am definitely not there yet! Hugs to you..I can totally relate to everything you said!

 

15-18 months was really, REALLY, R.E.A.L.L.Y trying. We were into the temper tantrum stage, the into everything stage, and they couldnt communicate really at all. There was lots of crying and whining. But about 18 months things started to slowly get better. They started talking more and the temper tantrums became less and less. Hang in there. This is a hard stage. :youcandoit:

 

You are definitely not alone. I want to write something pithy, but I am just too tired from dealing with my own toddlers.

There is never enough time to do everything I want with the kids, and find time for myself, too. And yeah, I am constantly guilty -- my older one is such a bright kid, and I can't help but think some of it is because I spent so much time reading to her and playing with her, etc. My little ones just don't get that attention, and I hate it.

Are your guys still on two naps? One thing that is a HUGE improvement is when they switch to one very consistent, long afternoon nap. That is at least two hours of peace for me....provided I can persuade Nadia to stop talking for awhile!

 

that whole second year was the hardest for me (and I only had 2 kids!). 15 months was my lowest point -- the point where I confided to my husband, in panicky tears, that I didn't think I could do this parenting thing! By 2 years, things had improved a whole lot, and after that, things started moving towards easier and easier (and funner and funner). Hang in there!

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Apr 10 2009, 01:08 PM) [snapback]1267661[/snapback]
15-18 months was really, REALLY, R.E.A.L.L.Y trying. We were into the temper tantrum stage, the into everything stage, and they couldnt communicate really at all. There was lots of crying and whining. But about 18 months things started to slowly get better. They started talking more and the temper tantrums became less and less. Hang in there. This is a hard stage. :youcandoit:


Thanks, Rachel! I seriously cannot believe how much crying, whining, and fit-throwing we're having right now. It makes me want to pull my hair out. And cry.

QUOTE(Becca34 @ Apr 10 2009, 01:33 PM) [snapback]1267706[/snapback]
You are definitely not alone. I want to write something pithy, but I am just too tired from dealing with my own toddlers.

There is never enough time to do everything I want with the kids, and find time for myself, too. And yeah, I am constantly guilty -- my older one is such a bright kid, and I can't help but think some of it is because I spent so much time reading to her and playing with her, etc. My little ones just don't get that attention, and I hate it.

Are your guys still on two naps? One thing that is a HUGE improvement is when they switch to one very consistent, long afternoon nap. That is at least two hours of peace for me....provided I can persuade Nadia to stop talking for awhile!


Thanks, Becca. We are in this strange 2 naps some days, 1 nap other days - it is horribly frustrating and makes every day different - but not in a good way! I'll be anxiously awaiting those long afternoon naps. The guilt is horrible, I wish I wasn't a person that felt guilty all of the time - but I do. I try not to, but it doesn't work! :lol:

QUOTE(Ellen Barr @ Apr 10 2009, 01:40 PM) [snapback]1267725[/snapback]
that whole second year was the hardest for me (and I only had 2 kids!). 15 months was my lowest point -- the point where I confided to my husband, in panicky tears, that I didn't think I could do this parenting thing! By 2 years, things had improved a whole lot, and after that, things started moving towards easier and easier (and funner and funner). Hang in there!



Ellen, thanks for sharing that. This has been the first time since I've been a mom that I've found myself thinking, wow, I don't know if I can do this or not. Everything seems so hard. And I'm such a patient person - and I even find my patience wearing thin, off and on all day long - and it bothers me so much! I don't like feeling like that!!

 

There are always ups and downs, at any age. It seems we go through a realy rough patch to come out on top of our best moments ever. It's so hard when not to feel bad. My advice is to just get down on the floor with all three of them and play. Play with them and ignore the thousands of other things you need to do. Yor house will be messier, but you and your kids will be happier. It's so easy to feel overwhelemed because there is so much to do.

My twins are now 5 and the baby is 16 months. Life is nutty. But, what I try to do is as much meal prep, chores and house cleaning at night after they go to bed. I NEED this time to think, get organized and prepared for the next day. It helps SO much to be ready! And then I don't feel like I have to spend time during the day doing things.

SInce your family isn't helping out much, woul you consider hiring a babysitter? You can also set up "date night" for you andDH at home, after the kids go to bed. Not the same as going out and getting away, I know. But, plan something fun, no tv, no computer...just time alone together. Maybe a bottle of wine, some candles, cheese and crackers.

They are at such a hard age righ now. They want to be independent, but aren't ready. They have no fear. The go in opposit directions. They tantrum. They're crazy little peopel! Their emotions are to the extreme...screaming one minute, crazy laughing the next second!

Of course, this time will pass and you will be giving advice to other twin moms (and you will havea hard time believeing that you actually MISS this age!).

Oh, one more thing. Have you ever considered getting up an 1/2 hour earlier than everyone. Not that less sleep is what you need! But, just having some quiet time, ALONE, is great!

Give yourself a pat on the back, you ARE doing a great job!

 

I was just thinking that I think this age is just as difficult as the newborn stage, but in a different way. The newborn stage was more demanding b/c I didn't know what I was doing and was dealing with sleep deprivation. This stage is so difficult but in a different way - it's mentally difficult b/c they are doing things that are annoying all day long. (WHINING, fighting, and tantrum throwing 12 hours a day) I know that's not very nice to say, but it's true! They are constantly getting into everything and testing the limits, and it is just very emotionally exhausting.

I have also been dealing with one baby awake at all times during the day and that adds to it. I was thinking that maybe it's b/c their personalities are coming out more and more and Amelia takes after me and is a morning person - which means she is up for the day by 6:30 am. Lily takes after DH's side of the family and she'll sleep til 7:30 or 8. It's nice to have that time alone in the morning with Amelia, but then it means that Amelia is ready for a nap by 9:30 am and Lily has only been up for 2 hours at that point. It is enough to drive me crazy. :crazy: Having someone awake all day means no break for us moms!

Anyway, I don't have advice since we're in the same place you are. I have needed more breaks b/c of feeling stressed this last week than I have needed since they were newborns.

 

15-20 months was the hardest period thus far. They were horrible... climbing on the counters, flushing things down the toilet, pooping/peeing in their cribs and all over the house, and they were a nonstop mess-making/house-wrecking machine leaving a trail of debris wherever they went. They didn't respond to discipline or have any concept of danger. They didn't learn -- doing things again 30 seconds after being injured doing that exact thing. So very frustrating and there were days I wished I had a box I could put them in to get a 10-minute break (we'd go outside instead leaving the house looking however it looked).

I survived by getting out of the house with them just about every day. The good news is that something clicked for them at 20 months and I could really start enjoying them again. That's not to say there weren't good days in among the bad or bad days after 20 months but the shift was very noticeable. They started responding to discipline and remembering past the current minute. I could at least get them to sit for a moment and watch me clean up their messes rather than running off to make another while I was busy.

FWIW, I think that was the "terrible twos" because I haven't seen anything like it since.

 

QUOTE(debid @ Apr 10 2009, 05:12 PM) [snapback]1267936[/snapback]
15-20 months was the hardest period thus far. They were horrible... climbing on the counters, flushing things down the toilet, pooping/peeing in their cribs and all over the house, and they were a nonstop mess-making/house-wrecking machine leaving a trail of debris wherever they went. They didn't respond to discipline or have any concept of danger. They didn't learn -- doing things again 30 seconds after being injured doing that exact thing. So very frustrating and there were days I wished I had a box I could put them in to get a 10-minute break (we'd go outside instead leaving the house looking however it looked).

FWIW, I think that was the "terrible twos" because I haven't seen anything like it since.


That first paragraph is exactly how I would describe mine - minus the pooping/peeing on stuff. I hope this is the "terrible twos" maybe that means the 2nd year, not the age of 2. I hope!

 

QUOTE(Mel G @ Apr 10 2009, 02:08 PM) [snapback]1267754[/snapback]
Of course, this time will pass and you will be giving advice to other twin moms (and you will havea hard time believeing that you actually MISS this age!).

Oh, one more thing. Have you ever considered getting up an 1/2 hour earlier than everyone. Not that less sleep is what you need! But, just having some quiet time, ALONE, is great!

Give yourself a pat on the back, you ARE doing a great job!


Thank you! I think that is what makes me feel so bad, I know that I will miss this age. These are my last babies - and as much fun as we have throughout the day, some days just feel like they go on forever b/c of the difficult minutes, hours, etc. I felt like I lived in a "mommy dream world" with my older DS throughout every stage, so I guess reality has been a bi*** for me this time around! :lol:

I do get up every day at 5:30 while the house is still quiet - and I do cardio for 25-30 minutes on the elliptical machine in our basement while reading a book. I LOVE this time. I actually wish I could spend 60 minutes on that darn thing, I enjoy it so much!!

I think what is frustrating is that I do spend a lot of the day on the floor when I really break the day down (if they aren't eating, taking a bath, sleeping, etc. - all 4 of us are usually on the floor- but it never feels like the quality play time I had with my older DS - and I think I just need to stop comparing it to that. This is different. That was 1 child; now there are 3. I feel like I end up breaking up hitting, pushing, toy-throwing, etc. instead of sitting down playing with legos, reading, building block towers, etc.

Thanks so much for your response!

 

Okay, I wish I could quote all of you and respond individually, but I'm realizing that would make this post forever long! You have all shared something that I can totally relate to, use as an idea, or just laugh about and know that you are going through the same thing!! Thank you to everyone who has responded with your kind words, support, and commisseration. This is why I love TS so much - where else can you tell people how crazy you are feeling and you get all of these kind, supportive replies!! Thank you!! :grouphug:

 

QUOTE(mama23boys @ Apr 10 2009, 06:46 PM) [snapback]1267956[/snapback]
I do get up every day at 5:30 while the house is still quiet - and I do cardio for 25-30 minutes on the elliptical machine in our basement while reading a book. I LOVE this time. I actually wish I could spend 60 minutes on that darn thing, I enjoy it so much!!


You are my hero! I badly need to get up before the kids and get on the treadmill -- we have a nice one set up in front of a TV, all set to go, and I don't do it.

We also had the loooong transition to one nap around the same age -- it's no fun. But there is an end in sight, and one day it will all click. Probably soon, if their naps have been all over the place for awhile. I might just force the issue in another few weeks, and get them both up at the same time one day (split the difference, if they really wake up three hours apart), and then do whatever you can to keep them up until a reasonable nap time. Repeat. Eventually it will work!

Of course, a good nap isn't the full answer -- this age just tends to wear you down no matter what you do. :hug:

I know what you mean about comparing to the older kiddo, though -- perhaps I have mommy amnesia, but I swear Nadia didn't do 75% of the antics that K&K do! I was totally that smug mom, whose kid was no trouble at all, and now it's all coming back to bite me. :lol:

 

I just wanted to add that I had the twins first and my baby (Carys) is the singleton. I actually feel bad for her that she doesn't have a twin! :lol:
I guess we can't win, huh!

Maybe because they were my first and that's all I know. But, I feel like things were easier witht the twins at this age than with her. Maybe because I didn't have a third one to chase around, but it just didn't feel as hectic as it does now.

 

QUOTE(Becca34 @ Apr 10 2009, 06:02 PM) [snapback]1267969[/snapback]
You are my hero! I badly need to get up before the kids and get on the treadmill -- we have a nice one set up in front of a TV, all set to go, and I don't do it.

We also had the loooong transition to one nap around the same age -- it's no fun. But there is an end in sight, and one day it will all click. Probably soon, if their naps have been all over the place for awhile. I might just force the issue in another few weeks, and get them both up at the same time one day (split the difference, if they really wake up three hours apart), and then do whatever you can to keep them up until a reasonable nap time. Repeat. Eventually it will work!

Of course, a good nap isn't the full answer -- this age just tends to wear you down no matter what you do. :hug:

I know what you mean about comparing to the older kiddo, though -- perhaps I have mommy amnesia, but I swear Nadia didn't do 75% of the antics that K&K do! I was totally that smug mom, whose kid was no trouble at all, and now it's all coming back to bite me. :lol:


I have a motivator - I'd like to fit in my work clothes before I go back to teaching in August. I hate the idea of buying an entirely new work wardrobe!! But I have to admit, once I started I've become a bit addicted to it. I actually look forward to going down and working out! Thanks for the tips on the 1-nap thing. I do think we are headed that way. And I too swear that Lennon didn't pull all of the stuff that Sullivan and Finley do. Maybe it was because I was with him, and only him, all of the time! Reading, playing, singing, etc. - maybe he never had a chance to cause trouble!

QUOTE(Mel G @ Apr 10 2009, 07:29 PM) [snapback]1268044[/snapback]
I just wanted to add that I had the twins first and my baby (Carys) is the singleton. I actually feel bad for her that she doesn't have a twin! :lol:
I guess we can't win, huh!

Maybe because they were my first and that's all I know. But, I feel like things were easier witht the twins at this age than with her. Maybe because I didn't have a third one to chase around, but it just didn't feel as hectic as it does now.


Maybe there's just something hectic about having more kids than you have hands! :lol: That's funny that you feel the opposite, I guess maybe that first experience is just what we compare any subsequent babies to.

 

Just adding my support...(and you don't need to thank me because I know you've been so kind to point everyone out and thank them individually...so I'll take theirs and I'll thank you!). I'm in the same darn boat. I think I've had more mental/emotional/crying style breakdowns in the past month than I have since they were born. When mine were in their first 3 months, I'd read in the 2-5 year forum and think all those women were crazy because nothing could be harder than the newborn colic stage....well, I was wrong. This is so much harder (in a different way). I really feel like I'm doing everything in my life to about 15% of my ability. So, I'm not really "good" at anything. The girls, one in particular, are just crazy. I can't even believe she has the stamina to keep up her antics everyday all day. They are both clingy and want to be held all day. I think it's teething, jealousy, screwed up sleeping because of teething and the beginning of terrible twos. All I can say is that I hope it doesn't get worse because this is about all I can take.

I told Dh in one of my crying fits yesterday that I am for sure I am living out Groundhogs Day. So funny you should say that. Well, I could go on and on, but I won't. I appreciate everyone's replies in this thread too.

Hang in there.

 

wow! It is really nice to feel like there are others out there in the same boat! I have always been surprised at how easy my girls have been. They always slept well, were never really fussy, and were just really easy babies. I feel like I have totally jinxed myself, because they have turned into little monsters that climb, throw, scream, bite, etc. My house is a total disaster and my patience is worn thin.

I love my little girls, but HOLY COW!!

thanks for all the stories everyone!!! You guys are awesome

 

ack! :escape: now i want to just reverse and stop their first birthday from coming :lol:

 

QUOTE(girls! @ Apr 10 2009, 10:42 PM) [snapback]1268266[/snapback]
This is so much harder (in a different way). I really feel like I'm doing everything in my life to about 15% of my ability. So, I'm not really "good" at anything. I told Dh in one of my crying fits yesterday that I am for sure I am living out Groundhogs Day. So funny you should say that. Well, I could go on and on, but I won't. I appreciate everyone's replies in this thread too.


Had to say thanks, Liesel! I feel the SAME way. I feel, too, like I'm not really good at anything. Like I'm just getting by. It is definitely Groundhog Day. That move should have been about a twin mom!! :lol: