Where has my little angel gone?

Ella used to be so easy going and it seems that this week, EVERYTHING is an issue! She has refused to sit in her highchair, has been refusing naps, and has melt downs over the littliest things. I can't take it! Maybe she could be getting her 2 year molars, but she never had an issue with teething in the past. Is she just asserting her independence? Whatever it is, I want my little angel back! At least Jack has been rather easy going instead of double teaming me!

 

Sounds like the terrible 2's! Sorry!

 

I was afraid it might be! EVERYTHING is NO, NO, NO!!!!

 

Don't know if this helps, but I found a little trick that worked for my daughter when she went through the terrible twos.

Whenever she was bossy, I would just stand back and say, "Wow! That sounds like a bossy little girl! Where did my girl go? Who are you, little bossy girl? My girl says please and thank you." She would laugh and correct her attitude. If she didn't, I'd say "I don't like listening to bossy talk. I'm going to ignore this until you can say please." This helped alot.

If she had tantrums, I'd look really bored and say, "Let me know, when you're done, ok? I really don't like tantrums." I'd leave the room or go to the other side of the room. You can even ask her to go to her room until she was done.

The main thing that worked for me was not to give the behavior attention, and it went away. It also helped to depersonalize it a bit. For instance, I'd pretend that she must have caught the crankies or the naughties - like a disease - and I'd say in a silly voice "Oh no, the naughties have got you agian! Quick, shake them out, shake them out!"

I found that silliness changed the focus and made her laugh and forget the bad behavior. Silliness and distraction are great tools. Ignoring the behavior was the next step and worked well if this didn't. In psychology this is called extinction - ignoring bad behavior so it goes away.

Not trying to tell you what to do - this just helped me a lot. Good luck!

 

She' ll come back when she turns 4 or 5.

 

If this reassures you at all, we get this type of thing for a couple of days at a time (usually from Amy). When she's in one of these phases, it seems like our sweet Amy is gone forever, but so far at least, she has always come back.

It's especially bad when she's sick or getting sick (which sometimes is not obvious until a day or two later).

Also, neither of mine have had issues with teething till now, but the canines do seem to bother them more than the other teeth have.

The strategy that has worked best for me so far is to put as much in her control as possible. For instance, if she won't let me put her in the high chair, I ask her to climb up by herself. If she doesn't want to get dressed, I ask her to pick what she wants to wear. If she wants to take a toy to bed (which we don't allow), I ask her where she wants to put it down for night-night. If I can catch her before the tantrum really takes hold, this often works.

Once the tantrum does take hold, I usually just let her go for ~10 minutes or so -- not totally ignoring her, but checking in every once in a while with something like "You're really mad, aren't you." or "I understand that you want your milk, and I will give it to you when you stop screaming." After a while, I get the sense that she really does want to calm down but can't quite figure out how, and that's when I move in with distraction. (Taking her outside to see what's happening on the street often works.) If she's totally resistant to distraction, I let her scream another few minutes and try again.

I don't know how much any of this will work when she's more like 2.5 or 3, but for almost-2, it seems to help. For my own sanity, what helps is to remind myself that not every day will be like this. Good luck!

 

It does help to not get angry or frustrated yourself, which I have to keep in mind as it is hard not to get frustrated. It must be the age, as we have days where it seems like every little step of the day is a struggle. Getting dressed, getting in their seats, going down the stairs, etc. Usually some of the above things that Alden and TamSam posted help, like seeming bored by the tantrum, letting them exercise a little independence by climbing into their chair, or just distracting them. Lately Bea really likes to do things herself, so if I let her buckle her high chair, she's happy. Ainsley has been bit by the dress bug and getting dressed is usually her issue, so I let her wear or a dress (or a swing top and tell her it's a dress, shhhh) or pick out a shirt with a cute animal on it makes her happy.

 

She's back! Thanks for all of your advice! I'm sure I'll need it for tomorrow!

 

Yay, I'm glad sweet Ella decided to visit your house again.

 

Personally I think the terrible 2s are overrated ... closer to 3 it gets really funny ... and it's not over yet ...