Where did all the help go?

Ok, I had a huge list of all the people who wanted to help when the twins were born.

Where did they all go? It's been me and dh since day one.

Don't get me wrong, I'm just venting...it's all for good reasons, I'm just having a pity party.

Everyone is either sick, or kids are sick, or busy!

MIL who lives on the same property will come up a couple of times a week to hold a baby, and we are grateful for that!! But she's elderly and has a hard time.

My sister who lives down the street keeps telling me how much she misses the boys (seen them once since they were born) and can't wait to see them. I told her to come up ANYTIME! She's afraid all I'm going to do is ask her to clean...I don't mind others holding babies so I can clean (very relaxing for me!)

My mom lives 15min away, but is also elderly and has a hard time walking, so she will watch them at her house, but has severe arthritis and can't do too much, so it's more of a visit than anything...I know it gets me out of the house...blah blah blah...

I have one of my friends who's kid is always sick, as is she, and she doesn't understand why I won't visit with her...???????????????

Anyway not sure of the purpose of this post...just needed to rant!
Thanks!
reb

 

:hug: Isn't it funny how that works? I had so many people who said they wanted to help and then once the babies came home most of them were no where to be found. I think people just get busy, especially this time of year. Having twins is super overwhelming, and its understandable to feel so inundated with everything! Good Luck!

 

Um, yep same boat here. Funny how they "say" they will help then vanish.

 

I hear ya. :hug:
Managing twins by yourself is tough.

When we came home it was really just me. My parents and inlaws are also elderly so any 'help' they can offer is minimal.

My mom has arthritis and neurapathy and cannot sit or stand without assistance, uses a walker. Can hold a baby for a short period of time.

My MIL lived out of town and came to help, but it seemed like more work for me. She couldn't get up from a chair or walk up/down stairs while holding a newborn (more arthritis) so I'd have to put one baby down to get the other from her, etc.

She'd cook for us but didn't know where anything was, and she is a messy cooker so I'd end up cleaning up and washing floors afterward anyway. I was kind of glad when the "help" went home. :winking:

Anyway, I hope things get better soon. It is tough in the beginning but you will survive!!

 

QUOTE(Specky @ Dec 18 2008, 12:41 PM) [snapback]1115327[/snapback]
Ok, I had a huge list of all the people who wanted to help when the twins were born.

Where did they all go? It's been me and dh since day one.

sane here. i had a number of relatives promise promise promise that they would come help, then suddenly when they were born it was all, "i can't wait to meet them, when are you coming to visit?"

and my thought is, i don't mind if people don't feel like they can make the trip and help out. but don't make false promises. just don't promise in the first place and i won't be disappointed. it's actually worse to offer and then not follow through than to not offer in the first place.

 

The same thing happened here. And for some reason all the people that offer to watch them and babysit expect me to pack them up and bring them to their house. That wasn't so bad when they were 4 months and not moving, but now that's just insane.

Needless to say, it's been about 6 months since the last time DH and I got out just the two of us. (Not joking.) And there's only been three times total since they were born. None of those outings were more than 3 hours.

 

I found that people were great when I had very specific things for them to do. I didn't ask for any help the first month the girls were home, but then DH had to go away for a week for his dad's funeral and I needed help badly. I emailed all my friends and family and asked them to sign up for time slots and come help. They were GREAT! They washed bottles, held babies, let me sleep, brought me food. Maybe if you can ask for some specific things that people can do for you (run errands maybe) that would actually be helpful to you, these people might come around a bit... except for the sickies...keep them away from your lil ones. :hug:

 

OHHHHHHH ME ME ME!

My whole family lives close. NOT ONE helped during the crazy first couple of months. Just DH and I. My grandma helps as she can but since she is elderly she cannot really "hold" them. I just posted a vent about how family come in and make tons of noise while the girls are sleeping. I want to yell "COME ON PEOPLE, HELP ME OUT HERE!! (We are also going on day 6 of not leaving hte house due to sickness/rain).

I also noticed when I was first put on bed rest that everyone said they were going to come and visit. I didn't have many visitors so that was a little hard. Granted most of my friends live far away and have young kids it was still hard.

 

People are still offering to help on occasion, but I do not think they understand what "helping" entails. While I love to have those adults I'm most comfy with to come and help, I don't want just anyone coming in here. The only adults I'm comfy with are my mother and two of my adult sisters. Otherwise, it's another chore to have people come in because I would have to direct them how to do what/when etc. Just as tiring if not more so than being alone with the twins and other kidlets.

I think people sometimes say, "Give me a call, I'll help you," because they want to be nice but they aren't really sincere. They don't mean to be insincere, but it's just human nature or so it seems.