When you've BTDT,

I made a rare child-less outing today, and one of my stops was Babies-r-us (oh, the irony!). While there, I saw a woman pushing a double infant stroller (she was there with her parents, hubby, and almost-4-yr-old son). So, I asked how old her twins were (5 week old boys), and shared that I had 4.5 month old twin boys. So, one of her first questions was, "does it get better?" or something like that - and I reassured her that it did for me around 3 months, and just keeps getter better! We also discussed breastfeeding, and she asked me a few questions about keeping up with supply. Our situations are very similar - both have a preschooler and twin boys, both of our twinsets were born about 5 weeks early, both of us SAH, both of us breastfeed, she also has one twin much bigger than the other twin... and so on.

Anyhow, I have BEEN THERE. I could see it in her eyes... probably most of us could have looked in the mirror when our twins were 5 weeks or 10 weeks, and seen that same look... a mix of desperation, panic, sadness, and hope... I left feeling like I should have given her MORE - more advice, more support, something!

So, all of you who have made it through those rocky early weeks, what 'nuggets' or 'pearls' do you share when a new (or expectant) twin mom is asking you for input? What things do you say to them so that the see a light at the end of the tunnel?

 

"Just relax" thats all the advise I ever gave.

 

I tell them to be open minded....as hard as it may be sometimes that is the best advice I got. Also, I try to give them my name and number and tell them to call if they just need to vent to someone who has btdt!

 

I think the best advice I ever read was "be flexible or die" hahahaha! So true!

 

Like most of us, I was terrified before I actually brought them home. I wondered if I was going to be capable of "doing this". I agree with pp in saying relax. The babies can feel your stress and I'm a stickler for the 'schedule'. I didn't breast feed, so that too has to be flexible if you are.
I also like to add, it doesn't get 'better' you just trade one challenge for the next. Life ceases to exist as you've known it, with children make it better and different. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't trade it for anything!

 

The only advice I give (when asked!) is to take pictures and try to live in the moment. Those tiny babies grow up so quickly. I regret not taking more pictures in those first few months. We've more than made up for it since then, but I wish I had some pictures of tiny feet and hands.

 

I just tell them to make sure that they take time for themselves. And to get a night out every once in a while if they can.

 

Relax... it gets easier to handle. But there WILL come a time when you'll look back and think "wow if only I could get those EASY days back" those days when they slept a lot and made little NOISE. :laughing:

They grow up way too fast.... enjoy every minute... forget the housework (this coming from someone who was/is OCD), take some time off for yourself, and most important... asking someone for help does NOT mean you're not capable... just human.

Enjoy your precious babies... all of you new twin mommies!!

 

I give them www.TwinStuff.com

I tell them to come here for any questions!!!

 

QUOTE(MissyEby @ Jun 2 2008, 11:28 AM) [snapback]805245[/snapback]
I give them www.TwinStuff.com

I tell them to come here for any questions!!!



:clapping: Me too!

I also tell them to do whatever works for them! Don't worry about what everyone else did, as many of them do not have twins!

 

Usually I say the same thing you said: "Hang in there, it gets better!" And "If I can do it, you can do it."

ETA: I also tell them what my mom told me: If anyone gives you advice and they don't have twins, you don't have to listen to it. Sometimes it might still be helpful, but most of the time they don't have a CLUE what you're dealing with.

Once I ran into a couple in the hospital parking lot with 4-week-old twins. I told them mine starting sleeping through the night around 3 months (thinking this was good news), and the dad said, "Three months? Not until three months?" I tried to tell him that it would seem, in retrospect, like it went pretty quickly. But I understand how hard it is to hear that when you're in the thick of it.

 

I seriously had no idea what I was about to face when I brought them home. However, when I was pregnant another twin mommy said, "the first 6 months are h** and after that its great". So, I walked away thinking, "okay...now what!"

I think if I were to go back I wish she would have said something more like, "the first couple of months just need to do whatever you can to get to the next day. Don't worry where your babies sleep or how, get out a couple of times a week by yourself (if that is possible) and feed them when they are hungry (instead of trying to get them to eat when you think they should be hungry".

 

QUOTE(Minette @ Jun 2 2008, 08:38 AM) [snapback]805267[/snapback]
Usually I say the same thing you said: "Hang in there, it gets better!" And "If I can do it, you can do it."

ETA: I also tell them what my mom told me: If anyone gives you advice and they don't have twins, you don't have to listen to it. Sometimes it might still be helpful, but most of the time they don't have a CLUE what you're dealing with.

Once I ran into a couple in the hospital parking lot with 4-week-old twins. I told them mine starting sleeping through the night around 3 months (thinking this was good news), and the dad said, "Three months? Not until three months?" I tried to tell him that it would seem, in retrospect, like it went pretty quickly. But I understand how hard it is to hear that when you're in the thick of it.


HAHA. I remember a friend telling me her baby STTN at 6 weeks so right when the girls were born I kept thinking, "6 more weeks...6 more weeks". Then I read HSHHC and I realized I had to add their adjusted age (5 weeks) so when it got close to their 6 week adjusted I remember posting on my blog and even a question here where the answer was something like 14 adjusted is when you start to see a change. I was so sad!!!

 

Basically, the same as you about it getting a little better after 3 months. Then I talk about how at 18 months they started playing together and I think it may even have been easier than having a singleton because they didn't need me all the time since they had each other to entertain.

 

Try not to get use to anything, as it will change. I try to remember that with the good stuff (like when my twins were sttn at 3mnths), and with the bad/hard stuff (like now when my twins are no longer sttn). It will always change, so when things are not going well, it won't last, it will change. For me things didn't get more enjoyable until I got help and until around 4mnths!

 

If you are feeling stressed or have an overwhelming emotion coming over you. Go in the other room or outside and breath. Never let your baby sense you are stressed out or frustrated.

 

"It gets better" "They are a lot of fun"

That is what I usually tell others who have twins younger than me...I get the same advice from those who have twins older than mine.

April