when only one twin has developmental delays

Hi, my DSs are 7 months old and one has been diagnosed with gross and fine motor delays. Both may be due to his position in utero, which caused torticollis, but there may also be a larger issue going on. Only time will tell. He's in PT/OT and is doing well; but it's so hard to watch his twin brother "get" stuff so much easier. Ryan picks up new skills in days, where it takes Michael weeks (or more) to figure stuff out.

I guess my concern is if this isn't just a phase, but something I need to learn to cope with long term. Anyone else dealing with a similar issue?

 

I am dealing with a similar situation. I have found it hard not to compare the boys but it is getting better. I also compared them to my first sons progress which didn't help me either. I have read some books and chatted with people about it and it has made me feel better that my feelings are okay and normal and I did get past the major ones. My little guy is alot further behind his brother and we are looking at the possibility of long term disabilities. feel free to PM me anytime I would be happy to share my experience

 

I don't have any personal experience, but :hug: . I'm sure it's difficult to watch one get things so easily & the other struggle to develop the same skills. Hopefully the therapy will help him catch up & there won't be any long term issues.

 

One of my twins has a lot of delays, while his sister is pretty much on track. We've gotten used to it, but yeah, it can be tough. Most of our issue now is coordinating therapy for one while figuring out what to do with the other one!

Hugs to you as you figure it all out. One good thing is that child who has challenges will learn a lot from observing and trying to copy his brother -- he has a built-in role model.

 

Hello, i also went through the scare that you're going through.

My girls are a yr already, and one of them is slightly delayed. She was diagnosed with torticollis at 4mos and we had to put her in PT. Just 3 days ago they had her revaluated and she passed! she doesnt walk yet, but she stands up and holds onto things to walk and this is perfectly normal for a 1yr old. Also, when she started standing up, the torticollis went away.

She still has a swolling problem, she gags easily on chucks of food and takes forever to swallow, theres a medical condition for it, but we're not sure if she has it yet. We're taking her into oral/speech therapy to see if it helps.

Dont worry, some of them just take a bit to catch up I really have hope that she's gonna pull through her delays and be ok. I know is hard not to compare, but even if they're identical their personalities are not the same.

Keep taking to him to PT and do the exercises at home! HTH!

 

Thankyou for this post! It's good to hear your girl is doing so well :clapping:

 

I already replied to you on the thread i started but yes we are in the same boat - all the waiting and wondering has really got to me lately but knowing that others are dealing with simliar issues really helps, not that i wouldn't wish this on anyone as all the waiting and worrying is hellish!! You must find Addy fern's post very reassuring. It's hard to watch your lo's struggle but hopefully he will pull through and be ok. I am really going to try to hope for the best and deal with the hear and now as i cannot change the future as much as i would like to sometimes. I usually like to look on the bleak side so i am not dissappointed but that way has been ruining the last couple of months with my daughter for me so i'm changing tactics and hoping and praying for the veyr best for my little girl.

 

It is very hard not to compare twins especially when one is delayed but with therapy they will usually catch up. Connor had PT/OT/Speech (for feeding) from when he was 4 months old until he turned 3. At 3 he didn't need OT or Speech anymore and still gets PT through school. He had severe torticollis from being on a vent for so long, positioning, etc. and didn't walk until he was 25 months old but looking at him now you'd never be able to tell.

 

My one son has more delays than the other. Josh was the smaller of the two and is getting pt, speech, dt and was just approved for ot.

Jake is getting speech and dt but is much further along. At 21 months Josh still does not point or wave.

At first they were doing the therapy seperate but I had to switch because Jake would throw a fit for the entire time Josh was getting therapy. I just spoke to his speech and dt and I'm hoping to have them come on the same day and time so they'll each get individual therapy.

I am noticing Josh doing things that Jake did 2-3 months ago. Although he's delayed, it's comforting to see him do those things because I know he's catching up.

 

One of my twins is legally blind. She's also much smaller than her sister. Between her eyesight and her size, she's behind her sister in almost everything physical. She qualified for EI for awhile, and had weekly therapy. For me, the hardest things are to not treat her like the baby of the family, and to not treat Sydney like her "big sister." I don't want her to grow up feeling helpless or that she's incapable of caring for herself and others. I have to make an effort to ask her to do things (that she's able to) to help her sister, when the opportunity arises. And I work very hard not to make comparisons between how and what they do. But it's hard. I guess it's just a daily process.

 

This is so true. I have mild Cerebral Palsy and having Alisha around (my twin sis) has been a blessing in so many ways, I mean im not bad bad but it hasnt been easy growing up. And i agree with this.. Growing up - everything that I saw Alisha do I wanted to do to. i mean realistically (sports) not much. but everything else yes. it makes you so much more determind... knowing that you can get there too. KWIM?

I hope all goes well for you.. I know its hard, and I know how much my parents have had to go through not just with having really premmie twins but having to deal with my CP as well... sometimes i feel like ive made it harder for them. Hang in there. if you want to talk or have any questions... feel free to talk to me. :hug: :hug: :hug:

 

I have two year old twins and one is behind physically (walking but still unsteady on her feet) and speech (can say less than 10 words). From the time that the one was crawling around her sister it broke my heart. I think what I hate is when I know my one twin wants to be able to do the same things but can't.

Not having the same level of speech makes it hard for conversations. she doesn't respond the same as her sister so it is hard to continue a conversation with her sometimes. "a Ba ?" is all I get most times in response.

Heather

 

It's hard. Jack has Autism, and Ally's totally normal. It's still hard not to compare them and not get sad about the things Ally does that Jack doesn't do, and I've been dealing with it for 7 years.

I guess you just need to focus on what each child can do, and not what they can't do. Ally could talk the ear off an elephant, but Jack can draw really well.

 

My boys have been in EI since they were six months old. They got PT early on and were d/c from that when they started walking. Now they are in a classroom a couple of days a week. Truman received ST but was recently discharged since he has caught up to age level! He still attends the school program, of course, as it is beneficial to him and his brother, plus I have to be there. I really consider him to be typically developing now. His brother Spencer gets ST and OT, and appears to have some mild sensory issues and motor planning issues in addition to delayed speech. Right before Thanksgiving, he started saying tons of words, and is now saying close to 100 if not more. He isn't putting two words together yet, but I think he will be soon.

My dilemma is what to do when they graduate from EI at age 3. Truman will probably not qualify for continued services, but Spencer probably will. I am thinking about an integrated preschool with developmentally delayed and typically developing kids. This would be free or close to it. But I can't help thinking that Spencer is going to have a big developmental spurt before age 3, and would be fine to go to a regular (probably Montessori) preschool in Fall 2010. There is just so much up in the air right now. The uncertainty is the hardest part.

 

:hug:'s for you Heather! Do they know what is exactly the problem? I know how you feel about your twin wanting to do the same things as her sister but cant. I feel the same way and did growing up as well. I have Cerebral Palsy and my identical twin sis doesnt.. and it makes it hard when you cant do certain things the same as your sister. although mine CP is mild it is very frustrating. If you need to talk im here for you.

 

My one DD has the development delays and we have always watched her sister do everything first-and its hard to see her struggle with everything we have OT, Resource Teacher, Speech therapy the works! its a long road to get to where we want to go and i get so frustrated when i see how easy it is for other's with the same age and i have to explain her special needs I just want to bury my head in the sand at times and not think about any of it.

 

I am in that boat too. My DS was born with torticollis and had pt from the age of 3 months for it not to mention the excema and reflux diagnosed at that age too. After PT came OT for sensory integration disorder and then speech for the delay at age 2 when he still wasn't talking. Now they want to put him in the autism preschool class (EI). My DD on the other hand came out holding up her head, walked, talked, and does everything early. My DS's speech teacher says DD talks like a 3 year old at only age 2. It's hard to watch, I hate to see my DS struggle and I hate to see DD not understand why he doesn't understand or talk like her or why he pushes her so much.
It's tough and it will be hardest this coming fall when he goes to preschool and I can't send her cuz his is free and we can't afford to pay for her to go and they won't take typicals as the district can't afford to fund extra staff to do it.
Ugh

 

I am also in that boat; one of my boys qualified for PT, OT, and feeding therapy through EI and then services through the school system as well, while his twin has no delays. I felt bad for Alex going to multiple therapy appts every week while Will was free to do whatever, and caught on to things so much easier. I'm hoping it doesn't cause issues between them long-term.