When is it okay to say 'no'?

My twins - Johnny and Vicki - are great kids, however I feel like they're always asking me for things. I never have a spare moment. I want to give them as much of me as I can, but I just don't always have the time or the patience. If I say 'no' to them, which is rare, they drop to the floor and cry. The old me use to give in, but the new me let's them cry until they get over it. Is that terrible of me? By the end of the day, I've lost my patience and more and more often, I end up raising my voice...so much that it scares me. ANy advise would be greatly appreciated. I feel like I'm going crazy!
pm

 

My kids cry a lot because I say no... but I'm not their maid. LOL. If I'm doing something, they have to wait. If they can still ask nicely after I'm done, they can get it (unless it's snacks too close to meal times, or something that is going to make a mess when there's already too much mess).

IMO they need to learn patience, and that we won't drop everything we're doing just because they asked for something.

 

Limits are actually an important for toddler's/preschooler's development. Getting everything they want, when they want it, isn't healthy and will end up backfiring down the road.

Saying no won't hurt them at all, and as Fran said, it teaches them patience, and that sometimes other things are important too. I give tons of hugs, kisses, and "Yes's" when I can, but sometimes you just have to say "NO"

 

Heartbreaking, isn't it? I agree with the above. I tend to give explanations, "mommy, needs to get dishes done, then I will color with you before I make lunch"...my kids seem to respond better when they know what expect. "In a minute, play for awhile, seems endless to them, which is what I was doing, by setting clear limits I find they do better.

Ryan has been going toe-to-toe with us this last week, and my patience has been really thin. I try to regroup several times throughout the day, and every night, before bed, we have cuddle time on the couch. Makes me.feel like despite a rough day, we end with us all feeling.good.

 

I feel the same way. Sometimes all three kids are so incredibly demanding. And they all have legitimate demands - my oldest son can't find a tiny lego toy, my boy twin is thirsty, my girl twin wants to be held, etc. But it's so draining sometimes. And then other times they play so nicely. So what I've started doing in the afternoons is warning them right before I cook dinner. Like I say, "I'm going to cook dinner now so you need to play nicely on your own." Then I take 15 or 20 minutes to quickly prep dinner. I have timed out my boy twin for holding on my leg and crying during this time. All in all, it's been pretty effective. They know they have to wait until I'm done to start their demands again.

 

Agree with pps. Limits are very important. Also, it's good for kids' self-esteem to learn to do things for themselves - whatever's age appropriate, of course. Depending on your kids' age, it might be little things like getting a kleenex for themselves or learning to look for things (instead of making you find everything), or learning to dress themselves and put shoes on.

Also, expect it to take some time. You won't see results overnight. But if you are calm and consistent (and try not to show them the mommy guilt ), they will gradually come to understand that sometimes Mommy has to make dinner or whatever. We've been working on this, and my kids have started spontaneously saying things like, "After you're done doing the dishes, will you draw x for me?" or "When you finish the laundry, can we do horsie rides?" It is really awesome to see them internalizing all this. And of course I spend plenty of time playing and reading with them too, but they do get better and better at understanding that they're not going to be waited on hand and foot 24/7.