When Grandparents babysit (1-2 year olds)

My mom told me that her mother (my grandmother) told her that it's ridiculous for her to drive to my house and babysit my chilren and that she would never even think of doing it. This is also the woman that referred to my husband and child as ugly. My mom lives about 12 minutes away and when they babysit, the boys have usually been asleep for over an hour. I obviously don't care what evil granmother thinks as she abandoned her own children, but it bothers me that she has these conversations with my mom and even more that my mom would repeat these things to me. The only conclusion I can draw is that she somewhat agrees. So I was just wondering what you guys do. Should I really be waking them up and taking them to and from my mom's when all she has to do is drive her own self here? I think she just tries to make a big deal out of it because she does pretty much nothing for us and my in-laws do so much from 3 hours away. She wanted an award for visiting my sister in Spring (45 minutes away) for the first time in SIX MONTHS! She refuses to drive out there because she's angry that they moved so far out 3 years ago so she makes my sister who works full time as a teacher in addition to being a mom drive all the way to her house to see her grandmother who hasn't worked in 20 years. Ugh, sorry this turned into a vent but it's so frustrating to come back home to this type of behavior after spending time with my in-laws who do nothing but support us and love on our boys.

So, what do you guys do? I'm thinking of hiring a babysitter now which makes me sick to my stomach knowing I have 3 adult family members just miles away that could do this for free.

 

When I worked part-time (2x/week), my mom would get up and come over to my house at 6:30 before my dh left for work. SHe'd wait until they woke (and did some light housecleaning - not requested). Then she'd drive them over to her house. I'd pick them up from there after work at noon. (eta: My mom lives 4 miles away from here)

If your mom is ok with the arrangement, then why change it. I guess ask for her honest opinion and go with that. I don't know why her mom feels she has a say... that is a conversation that should have been kept between the two of them. Sorry you are having to deal with it.

 

People usually prefer to babysit at my house because I have all the toys and other things the kids need. I am lucky now that my sons are old enough to do nighttime babysitting when the girls are asleep. For the first three years we did not have babysitters at all. My parents live an hour and a half away. Occasionally, if it is just for an hour or two in the middle of the day, I have left them with MIL/FIL (but, again, they were over age 3 and PTed and everything). I personally would prefer to drive the 24 mins so I could know the children had everything they needed and were used to. My ILs live around the block now, but this is how they felt when we lived 20 mins away from them: they'd rather come to us where the girls were more comfortable.

eta: In fact, my parents pretty much just visited us until they were 2, not even talking babysitting, just regular visits. We had alternated before, but when they were babies and small toddlers my parents preferred to come to us: we had the supplies, we were babyproofed and it was just easier for them to get themselves into the car. We did not ask this of them, they just did it. And this is when all 4 adults were going to be there the whole time.

 

Wow, your grandmother does not sound like a nice person! She called your child and DH ugly??????? That's horrible, and I'm sorry that you mom even repeats that stuff to you!

I would just be honest and ask your mom. Do you have the kind of relationship that you feel like you could do that? 90% of the time when someone babysits for us, it is at our house. We usually go out at night, and the kids go to bed at 7pm. So they usually come here, play with them a little and put them to bed. The few times they have actually gone to my parents house is because my parents were keeping them overnight. This weekend my mom is taking them from Friday to Monday to give us a whole weekend to ourselves to celebrate our anniversary. Sure, it's a lot for us to pack up and take there, but since she is really going above and beyond, I know she would rather be in her own house.

I think it's ridiculous to ask you to pack up your sleeping kids at night so that someone who lives 12 minutes away can babysit in their house. doesn't make any sense at all. Good luck! I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to pay a sitter when your mom is right there! :hug:

 

Ugh, I hear you on the no-fun situation. My parents and in-laws live on the other side of the country so I don't have any experience. But if I was in your shoes, I'd want my mom to come to my house too, especially if my kids were going to be asleep for part of the time. I wonder if you could casually mention to your mom that you'd like her to babysit but if it's a problem for her to come to your house, you can hire a babysitter.

It's a sneaky tactic, but would work with my mom (not sure about yours). I think my mom would walk over hot coals all the way to my house rather than give up an opportunity to spend it with her grandkids.

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ Dec 2 2008, 11:40 AM) [snapback]1093598[/snapback]
People usually prefer to babysit at my house because I have all the toys and other things the kids need. I am lucky now that my sons are old enough to do nighttime babysitting when the girls are asleep. For the first three years we did not have babysitters at all. My parents live an hour and a half away. Occasionally, if it is just for an hour or two in the middle of the day, I have left them with MIL/FIL (but, again, they were over age 3 and PTed and everything). I personally would prefer to drive the 24 mins so I could know the children had everything they needed and were used to. My ILs live around the block now, but this is how they felt when we lived 20 mins away from them: they'd rather come to us where the girls were more comfortable.

eta: In fact, my parents pretty much just visited us until they were 2, not even talking babysitting, just regular visits. We had alternated before, but when they were babies and small toddlers my parents preferred to come to us: we had the supplies, we were babyproofed and it was just easier for them to get themselves into the car. We did not ask this of them, they just did it. And this is when all 4 adults were going to be there the whole time.


This is pretty much how it is for us too (minus the older kiddos for babysitting now!).

My folks live 45 min - 1 hour away and my mom drives over two days a week to watch the girls at our house while I'm at work (and every other wed afternoon) and has since they were 4 mo old.

I did ask her if she'd rather me bring the girls to her house and she said no way! We have everything we need at our house, it's baby proofed and if they don't need to get up and get dressed first thing in the morning, good deal!

And like Ruby, our family tends to come visit us more frequently than we do them, just because it's easier for everyone involved. Especially since the girls climbed out of a pnp a few months ago and aren't even close to being ready for big girl beds which mean no naps if we're elsewhere for the day.

Maybe your mom is just mentioning it to vent a little about how she thinks it's silly to do that too? My mom and I would chat about things that way ardon:

 

My folks are an hour away. We often go to her house, but we plan to stay for the entire day (9:30-5:30). All my other extended family live near them (or further than an hour away), so we often call everyone and tell them the twins will be at Grandma's and everyone goes there to visit them and we are able to get a lot of extended family to see them without a constant stream of visitors driving an hour or more to come and see us. She has one crib set up in a nursery, and has a pack n play. She has a collection of toys, two booster seats, and is well-outfitted to keep the kids entertained. Her home is not fully baby proofed, but she has set up a routine of quick-proofing it for grandkids to come and have it not exhaust her or us. She is always willing to come to our house (and she and my dad just spent the weekend here earlier this month so DH & I could get away for a college football game).

The ILs have taken care of the boys since I went back to work 3 days/week. They are only 15 minutes away. They have a play room, two cribs, boosters, outdoor play equipment, and a jogging stroller/bike trailer, and are simply more comfortable at their house (and I don't blame them). I actually think it's good for the boys to have a change of scenery on those days, and it is part of our routine. She is willing to come to our house once a week, or bring the boys back to our house for or after nap if it helps us out at pick-up time to not have to fight the traffic to her house before coming home.

Anyhow, as far as your situation goes, it would be a matter of where does it make most sense to do it? Are the boys comfortable at her house (if not, start going there more if you're wanting to make things more 'equitable')? Does she have the necessary things at her house (feeding, naping, playing, child-proofing) to care for them?

ETA: I would never bring sleeping kids over to someone's house to be babysat (I do wake mine at 7am to get to gmas so I can get to work on time)...HOWEVER, for naps/bed, I would bring them over earlier, or ask the sitter to come to my place (preferable at bed b/c I likewise wouldn't want to move them back to my house if they were already comfortably sleeping for the night).

 

My inlaws come here to babysit, and they live 45 min. away. Twice, when we needed them two days in a row, the kids went to their house and spent the night. But they prefer to babysit at our house because we have everything they would need.

My parents live 10 min. away and we take the kids there to their house. They have other grandkids and have their own room there so it is just easier for everyone to do it there. With that said, there have been many times that they have just come here. Like when my dad babysits occasionally on his own, he just comes here. Or if their house has just been cleaned then they come here!

 

My in laws babysit for me 5 days a week while I work. The girls go to their house everyday. They are equipped for it though. I keep them stocked up on diapers & wipes and they feed them and we took a whole bunch of toys over there. When my mom watchs them it is always at her house, but it not much different there either. She has high chairs for them and toys and they love going to nana's house. It is like a special treat for them to go to nana's house. I would talk to your mom and see what she would rather do. And as for your grandmother she seems like she would not be a joy to be around and how dare her call your dh and baby ugly. That would have been the straw that broke the camel's back for me. Good luck and hope it all works out.

 

My in-laws come to our house if they are going to be watching the boys during any sleeping time (nap or night). They much prefer for the boys to come over to their house, but when I ask them to watch the boys I always make sure to mention the sleep issue and invite them specifically to come over to our house. I think your mom and grandma are out of their minds if they think you are going to wake TWO sleeping toddlers (worse than waking a sleeping "baby" in my opinion!) just so she doesn't have to be inconvenienced by a 12 minute drive! You're totally justified in your vent.

It also makes me sick to be paying out the nose for a babysitter on a regular basis when I have a sister-in-law who lives across the street, has no job or community involvement activities, and her only child living in the house is 14 years old... yet, she is too busy to help out with our boys at all (for pay or for free) even though she wants to be the favorite aunt. My in-laws are not in great health, so they have an excuse and are very good about helping out whenever I need it, more than they probably should be... but my SIL is just so lazy and selfish!! My family, on the other hand, does more for us from 2,000 miles away than the others do from just a few footsteps away. I completely understand where you're coming from!

 

Before I moved home, my family always came to my house to watch the girls, it was way too much trying to pack up a bazillion things to bring elsewhere, plus they sleep better in their crib. Even now, living at home, if my mother is not watching them then whomever still comes to my house to watch them.

Your grandmother sounds evil and bitter. Sorry!! :hug:

 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this - you've reminded me again how lucky I am with my parents! My mom prefers to babysit at her house, and the boys love going there, because my parents went a little nuts for their only grandchildren and have as much babyproofing and almost as many toys and supplies as we have. They have even better toys for outside play at my parents' than they do at our house, and they have portable cribs there also. So if the schedule works out, they go to my parents'.

But if babysitting is going to either start or stop when the boys would be asleep, then my parents come to our house so they don't have to interrupt the boys' sleep. I'm with you - I don't see the point in waking sleeping babies to drive them 12 minutes when they could more easily stay happily asleep and have the babysitter come to them. Good luck!

 

Thanks for readin and responding guys. I totally see what you all are saying about wake time babysitting and yes, if I EVER needed her to babysit during the day, I would bring them there. But we only need them at night and they have NOTHING there for them. They literally have 3 toys. And when she saw the boys' room at my in-laws house, her response to me was, "I like having a guest room in my house. I've always wanted one so I'm not changing it into a kids' room". WTH?! I didn't even hint that she should do the same! The times we've been over there and the kids need to nap, she gets mad that I leave but where the heck are they supposed to sleep? She says just put them in the bed with pillows around them. Yeah, that'll work. It's just really frustrating. Thanks for letting me vent. Oh, and yes, my grandmother is far from a nice person.

 

We have done both.. My Parents live about 15 mins away also. If DH and i are going out for dinner then they come over here.. and if its a daytime thing.. Like i need to take DD1 to the Dr or something my mom watches them at her house.

 

My mom is 54 years old and watched my twins from 3 months until 10 months full time 5 days a week at my house for free! Then she went to 3 days a week, then 2 days a week then to one... She now comes two days again for free and watches them for us. She would rather come to my baby proofed home, not to mention it is bigger. It is easier on her with them at my house. I look so forward to thursday and friday when she comes to the house... I hope it gets better for you i know that we had some tension filled moments with babysitting but we worked trhough them and i am forever greatful for my mother. If they watch them on the weekends they (mom and stepdad) come to our house. With twins it just seems to make it simple for everyone...

 

My parents babysit for me once a week, almost every week. My girls spend the night at their house on Saturday nights. I love it! I get my house to myself to clean or do whatever I can't get done when the girls are here. Last weekend DH and I put up the Xmas tree. My parents have a full nursery for the girls at their house - it's the house I grew up in and my brother and I are out of the house now so they made my brother's old room into a room for my girls. I don't have to pack anything for them to go over there, my mom has her own clothes for them, so as long as I return the clothes they come home in I don't have to bring anything. It's really nice, and I prefer it over there so I can get things done at home.

 

My mother prefers to babysit at my house b/c of the reasons mentioned by everyone else. It is easier on her and better for the kids b/c all of their toys and such are at our house..
She will ocassionally just take the oldest 2 to her house and spend some time with them.. but if she is actually babsitting for me to either work or go out (VERY RARE!!) she comes to my house... even with me moving an hour away, she will be making that drive..

I must say that if/when my ex's mother watches the kids it is at HER house.. her and I dont have the best relationship and I wouldnt want her in my house without me being there. ( i wouldnt be worried about theft or anything, just wouldnt be comfortable with it) Usually when she does watch the kids it is at night and she keeps them overnight. Sometimes if I need her to watch them on a weekend during the day so I can work, she will want me to bring them the night before..b/c I would have to bring them soo early in the morning if I were to do it that way..

 

Both my parents and IL's come here to babysit our kids. My parents are about 15 min. away and my IL's are 45 min. away.

 

My parents have always watched my children at our house because it's just easier to take care of them there. Now that they are older and need less stuff, we have taken them over to their house; but only a very few times. My inlaws and my mom took turns keeping the girls for the first year and half of their lives--never once did they ask us to bring them to their home. Even though they had to drive to our home, it was way easier on everyone in the long run.

 

I do both- whatever works out best for DD/DSIL... Sometimes they come to my house (ClearLake) and sometimes I babysit at their place in Pearland... If I have my preference I have them come to my house.

 

The way I see it, is it's EASIER ON THEM to BE AT YOUR HOUSE! It's easier on the kids, your Mom and it's all child-proofed and all their supplies and toys and beds are there. It's a NO brainer. Sounds like the old bat is trying to cause trouble! :angry: (Sorry....I just slapped my hand for name-calling)

 

I wonder if your mom is telling you this NOT because she agrees with your grandmother, but because she wants you to really appreciate what she's doing (which I'm sure you do). Maybe next time you should say, "I know. We're so incredibly lucky to have you. You're so accommodating and we never forget that. I don't know what we'd do without you. It's amazing that you're so generous with your time and energy and I love the relationship you're developing with the kids. Thank you so much." (that kind of thing)