When does it stop?

I have 5-month-old ID twin girls, and while I'm happy to have them, going out has become such a chore. Especially alone, without DH. We get stopped EVERYWHERE. And it's always the same "Are they twins?" "Do they run in the family?" "Are they boys? (when they're BOTH dressed all in pink!)" "Double trouble! (I HATE that one!)"

I don't have any older singleton kids, but even so, I've noticed a VAST difference in how they're treated individually vs. as a single entity as "twins." When my DH and I go shopping and branch out, we'll each take one, and I get to see what it's like to be treated as a "normal" mom. People say, "aww, cute baby!" "How old is SHE? (strangely, they look at one baby long enough to see she's wearing pink.)" And that's that. But when we're out w/the double stroller, you can feel the stares, you have to answer the same question 50 times in one outing, sometimes really personal questions like, "What did you do to get twins?"

Anyway, long story short, I used to enjoy this attention, being able to show off my babies, and now it's just wearing on me. I dread going out because it's always the same thing. It's neat running into people who are twins themselves, or people that have twins, but for the most part, it's people making dumb comments and asking rude questions.

For those of you who have older twins, when does it end? When do people stop treating your kids like a freak show and acknowledge them as normal people? Maybe it's because I've known a set of twins my whole life, so I don't understand the HUGE fascination. They're great, and they're a blessing, but when we're out, people's jaws drop like they've never seen a set of twins before! So does it ever end, or is it just something to get used to?

 

For us the novelty has worn off in part because my DS is 4 pounds heavier than my DD. People have even thought they were 9-10 months apart in age and DH & I were just "busy" not realizing they are twins LOL

When DH and I grocery shop we each take a cart/baby. You could try a single stroller/sling. Dress them differently. Dont make eye contact. Sing and talk to the babies and no one else. When people try to ask you questions keep your answer SHORT and continue walking/smiling! WHen they say " double trouble" say " hardly, they're twice the fun" and keep on moving!

If you REALLY want people to leave you alone and dont care how your perceived when they ask you if they are twins JUST SAY NO LOL I know one family who did this and another who made a "checklist sign" and attached it to their stroller. It answered everything anyone could possibly want to know.

GL!

 

I don't know when it stops...perhaps you might check out "you have your hands full literally" you might find it interesting... If you allready read it...sorry, I thought just in case you havn't!

 

It will slow down as they get older. We still get strange comments but for the most part I just smile and nod and keep walking. I think people are just naturally curious about twins and they really dont know what else to say except something cliche`. I think back to when I just had a singleton and went to a BFing thing at the hospital this lady walked in with twins and I think I said the "hands full" comment. :blush: Now she is my best friend and she returned the favor when I had my twins. :lol: You will get used to it and just when you start to kinda like it, people wont make nearly the fuss you wish they would.

 

QUOTE(DATJMom @ Jan 28 2009, 06:28 AM) [snapback]1165311[/snapback]
I think people are just naturally curious about twins and they really dont know what else to say except something cliche`.


Exactly! We still get a lot of comments, some good, some :huh: :angry:, but overall I don't let them get to me.

 

It still has not stopped for us. I don't mind the comments so much, we've been fortunate to get many more nice ones then annoying ones. I think people don't know what to say so they try to say something to be witty and funny.
We had taken the kiddos for a blood draw a couple of weeks ago and the kiddos were certainly people's way to pass the time. I could see people whispering and pointing at them and one lady pulled her wheelchair up to us and was making a big fuss about them. The babies enjoyed her attention and she was a help in passing the time for all of us.

 

At about 2 y/o is when it stopped for us. We still get stares, which don't bother me at all and a few "oh they are so cute" in passing but very rarely do we get the questions anymore. But we also are the type to keep our eyes straight ahead and not acknowledge people Maybe that's rude but hey, we get in and get out. I will stop and talk to someone if they say something or politely smile but I don't strike up convo.

 

I'm sorry you are having a tough time with this. :mellow:
Honestly, in the last 2 1/2 years, I cannot remember one negative or rude remark made to me, and while multiples receive more attention than a singleton would, I have never found it to be over the top or so annoying that I dread going out in public - I'm quite the opposite actually. LOL
Hope it gets better soon!

 

QUOTE(E&Msmom @ Jan 28 2009, 12:16 AM) [snapback]1165267[/snapback]
If you REALLY want people to leave you alone and dont care how your perceived when they ask you if they are twins JUST SAY NO LOL I know one family who did this and another who made a "checklist sign" and attached it to their stroller. It answered everything anyone could possibly want to know.


:laughing: that's funny - and i love the idea of a checklist. i might steal that!

i agree with PPs that the best thing to do is keep answers short & keep moving. GL!

 

Mine are 4 1/2 and it STILL hasnt stopped ! We get SO many comments but not usually anything too rude .. just things like "which one is the EVIL twin ?" or "how do you tell them apart ?" "which one is older ?" the usual. The boys are getting old enough to answer questions too .. its kind of funny. One day someone asked them if they were twins (I guess the fact that they are the same EXACT size and are wearing the EXACT clothes wasnt a big enough hint) and Jesse answered "no" and Jayden answered "yes".

 

Hasn't stopped here. But I can say that mine get much more smiles than singleton babies do!

 

Mine are 8 months, so not that much older than yours, but so far, it hasn't slowed down. When I take them out by myself, I avoid making eye contact with people who look like they're going to pounce on the babies, and if people make comments, I smile and walk on quickly without trying to get involved in a Q and A session. Different story when my husband takes them out though (with me). He loves showing them off to people, and has no problem getting involved in conversations about the joys/challenges/blessings/we all know someone who has twins etc conversations that I don't have the patience for when I'm out by myself.

It is definitely easier when they are in two single strollers, as its takes people a little longer to put two and two together.

The only time I don't mind getting stopped is when its another parent of twins, then we swap notes

 

My boys are 7 months so again, not that far ahead of you, but sunglasses have become my friend. I've turned into one of those annoying people who wears them inside stores and the mall. When I am strapped for time, people can't make eye contact and it really slows down the comments. If I am not in a rush I just sort of do the one word answer and move on, if it's another twin mommy, then I don't mind so much

 

I was wondering the same thing. Though we don't go out much. DH takes the only car to work and it's way too cold and windy here to take long walks.

Before we moved, I'd walk the girls to the park [right down the street - I miss that..] and sometimes we'd get stopped.. okay a lOT of times we'd get stopped and get asked the SAME questions! Even the, "Let me guess,.. two boys!! Or no wait, Two boys and One girl!!?"

 

I found that the double stroller with the little babies was really the problem. People can't see for themselves so they ask you Now that the boys are in the cart(s) we still get smiles and the occasional "Are they twins?" or "How old are they?", but it's usually followed by "They are so cute" or something like that and the people move on. It was definitely something that I just had to get used to though. The PP is right, smile or even answer but keep moving!

 

I have a feeling it will be a while. However, someone on here told me when you go out, not to make eye contact with others if you don't want to be bothered. People don't bug you as much. It's really worked for me. I know I may seem like a b#@*& to others sometimes, but sometimes, ya just need to get in and get out without being hassled.

 

I felt like you and I think at about 9 months it seemed to be less -- I guess for me the touching was the worst and when that died down I was more relaxed. I think I also got really good at walking fast and avoiding eye contact, moving the stroller as soon as some woman 40- 60 yrs age was moving towards me with a big smile on her face.

You really should try to put one inside the grocery cart sitting in one of those booster type seats (the ones you attach to your kitchen chairs with a tray on them) if you get one with a heavy base you can strap that child in and have the second child in the usual upper child seat on the grocery cart. If you buy enough groceries they (maybe even you) won't even see the kid inside the cart !!! If they are dressed differently too helps. I find the double wide strollers are a real attention seeker.

I also had a mesh cover for my double wide which helped prevent touching when they were little.

 

We don't do the double stroller thing so that helps us...in fact, we rarely stroll at all, ha. I think it gets better as they get older though...mine still get attention but its different now. Its mostly "awww...they are cute" comments. And I think it helps when they can talk...people see them less as a challenge and are more mesmerized by how they interact with them or each other, than they are in bugging you. When they are little, lets face it, they just sit and be cute for the most part...when they are toddlers, people see their personalities and see them more as little people. Aside from the cute comment, the second most popular thing I hear is, "that one is the shy one, huh?" Because Gracie doesn't talk as much as Maddie...she really is "the shy one." I guess as they have developed their own personalities...people see those personalities and see the individuality in them.

 

ughhh I want to know where it is any one's business how we concieved. Was it "natural"? How about none of your business. I dont ask you about how your got your children. I go shopping w/ my sister who is adopting and will get her little girl at the same time I deliever. No one wants to talk to her and congratulate her - they treat her like shes not there and I get all the attention. Its soo frustrating.

 

QUOTE(nicinthebu @ Jan 29 2009, 01:51 AM) [snapback]1167049[/snapback]
ughhh I want to know where it is any one's business how we concieved. Was it "natural"? How about none of your business. I dont ask you about how your got your children. I go shopping w/ my sister who is adopting and will get her little girl at the same time I deliever. No one wants to talk to her and congratulate her - they treat her like shes not there and I get all the attention. Its soo frustrating.


Slightly off topic, but it's not fair to criticize people for not congratulating a prospective adoptive parent - it's not like it's obvious she's waiting for her child to be born (unlike a pregnant woman)
And even if they know she is waiting to adopt a baby, lots of folks are hesitant to congratulate the prospective parents, since adoption is such a touchy and 'iffy' thing, KWIM (I say this as an adoptee and someone who tried unsuccessfully to adopt :mellow: )

I do agree with you that people shouldn't ask how your children were conceived....

 

QUOTE(andbabiesmake4 @ Jan 28 2009, 02:09 AM) [snapback]1165263[/snapback]
I have 5-month-old ID twin girls, and while I'm happy to have them, going out has become such a chore. Especially alone, without DH. We get stopped EVERYWHERE. And it's always the same "Are they twins?" "Do they run in the family?" "Are they boys? (when they're BOTH dressed all in pink!)" "Double trouble! (I HATE that one!)"

I don't have any older singleton kids, but even so, I've noticed a VAST difference in how they're treated individually vs. as a single entity as "twins." When my DH and I go shopping and branch out, we'll each take one, and I get to see what it's like to be treated as a "normal" mom. People say, "aww, cute baby!" "How old is SHE? (strangely, they look at one baby long enough to see she's wearing pink.)" And that's that. But when we're out w/the double stroller, you can feel the stares, you have to answer the same question 50 times in one outing, sometimes really personal questions like, "What did you do to get twins?"

Anyway, long story short, I used to enjoy this attention, being able to show off my babies, and now it's just wearing on me. I dread going out because it's always the same thing. It's neat running into people who are twins themselves, or people that have twins, but for the most part, it's people making dumb comments and asking rude questions.

For those of you who have older twins, when does it end? When do people stop treating your kids like a freak show and acknowledge them as normal people? Maybe it's because I've known a set of twins my whole life, so I don't understand the HUGE fascination. They're great, and they're a blessing, but when we're out, people's jaws drop like they've never seen a set of twins before! So does it ever end, or is it just something to get used to?


For us, it got better once they were out of infant carseats and it wasn't sooo apparent that they were twins. DS is around 3 pounds heavier, so we get a lot of "how far apart are they" with confused expressions. To which we answer, one minute. The best advice I can give you is to not make eye contact! You are probably going to have to deal with this forever since they are ID.

 

I HATE..." ARE THEY TWINS" I feel like saying no I thought it would be fun to struggle in the store with two infants and two shopping carts. GRRR Also, "you have your hands full" ...no crap, so unless you are going to hold the door for me, stop staring and start walking!! Sorry, at first it was all cute and fun but not any more!! I've learned DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT! just keep walking!!