When does it start to feel real?

As a first time mom-to-be, I am filled with a mix of true excitement and sheer panic when thinking about arrival of our little boy and little girl. I find myself on these boards a couple of times a day, I think about what needs to be done before they arrive, I am working on our baby registry, etc.

Still, it doesn't really seem real. I can feel them move and kick pretty regularly, but I don't really feel connected to them. I see my belly in the mirror and it's hard to imagine that there are two little babies growing inside.

I guess it makes me kind of sad...like one day I'll wake up, deliver and be completely shocked that I now have two little ones. Maybe because I am still working full-time? I don't know...I am just afraid that I am missing out on the opportunity to enjoy and cherish this pregnancy (as it will likely be my first and last).

Any thoughts or words of advice?

 

i'm in denial too i'm trying to enjoy this.. since this is probably my last pregnancy. but it really doesnt seem real. I was in denial with my son also, till delivery day. I guess just keep taking steps in the right direction.

 

I felt the same way with 1st pregnancy. I felt like it wasn't really happening to me. When my dd was born, I felt such love for her, unlike anything I ever expected and it made me feel like I'd taken my pregnancy for granted and that I should have been enjoying and cherishing every moment of her life being created inside me. I felt guilty. When I got pregnant with my boys, I thought I'd feel differently- more connected because of my previous experience and in a way I was because I knew my capacity for love, but at the same time, I was busy taking care of a 2 year old, working full time and dealing with the shock of twins, that I didn't have the time or presence of mind to focus on what I thought I'd focus on. I was thrilled, but scared and overwhelmed. So, I guess it's probably never the way anyone expects it to be, so don't worry and try to enjoy those babies in your belly because once they're here, as happy as you'll be that they are here, you might miss being pregnant, too. I know I do!

 

I personally do not enjoy being pregnant at all. From day one its been miserable for me. I've dealt with it and tried my best to stay positive but it was/is hard. I guess I feel connected to the babies because the only thing that I actually enjoyed with this pregnancy is feeling the babies move and kick. But at the same time I don't really know how to feel much I should feel connected (this is my first pregnancy). I'm excited for them to come and can't wait to see them and meet them but at the same time am still very scared and nervous. I really do not think I will miss pregnancy at all.

 

I feel much more connected to them in retrospect than I did when I was actually pregnant. When I look back on that time and think, "That was Amy and Sarah in my tummy!" it seems so amazing, but at the time they weren't Amy and Sarah to me. I was relieved to finally be pregnant (we did IVF), but I didn't really enjoy being pregnant, except for a brief period in the 2nd tri (in between the first-tri gas/nausea and the third-tri everything).

Plus, I was so scared about having twins, I couldn't even really look forward to meeting them -- I just wanted the pregnancy to be over! I don't miss it one bit. For the first year of their lives, I felt grateful every single day that I wasn't pregnant anymore.

So, it would have been nice if I could have felt more bonded to them while I was pregnant, but that just wasn't going to happen. I had too much else going on, physically and emotionally. I try not to beat myself up about it too much. I actually didn't really bond to them until at they were at least 3-4 months old, but it gets stronger all the time. And there's a lot of life ahead.

In terms of what you can do to make it seem more real, it does help (at least it did for me) to talk to them and try to imagine them as real little babies in your arms. It also helps to let DH feel them. He was so excited when he could finally feel them kicking!

 

i know they will be here soon and im still in disbelieve! i think it will hit me when they are born!

 

mmm i think it started to feel SORTA real for me in the past 2 weeks or so. looking at all the baby clothes, and people on here having their babies and seeing the pictures of them. soon thats gonna be ME. of course after awing over the little baby clothes i had a meltdown because im terrified of whats ahead of me i just want it to be over with and them to be here cuz i feel like crap all the time. i hope the next 2 months go FAST!

 

I hated being pregnant. It was pure torture and painful. I did like feeling them move though. It will all change when you see them being born. And of course it will be hard, but even now, with my twins being two, I can't believe we had twins.

 

QUOTE(independentwriter @ Apr 19 2008, 04:24 AM) [snapback]728889[/snapback]
I hated being pregnant. It was pure torture and painful. I did like feeling them move though. It will all change when you see them being born. And of course it will be hard, but even now, with my twins being two, I can't believe we had twins.

That's what I was going to say! Mine are almost three and some days I STILL can't believe there are two of them! I didn't enjoy the pregnancy at all, outside of the octopus moving around in there. Twins are such an amazing gift, I think it's one of those things that I'll never quite "get" how I got so lucky.

 

NOW lol

 

when you hear both of them crying at 3 am for a bottle. no really i felt the same way so don't feel guilty. they were my first pregnancy and i couldn't believe it. i stopped working at 32 weeks and i would relax after that hehe i deserved it. but i would just sit there with no shirt on and hands on my very huge belly and they would kick and move and look like aliens in there. i swear they were poking at each other. but the moment you see them is like nothing i can describe. the rush of feelings you have is amazing. enjoy the pregnancy sit alone for some time and just hold your belly. you feel them move and after awhile you will connect to them.

 

I am with PP. This is pg #5 for me and although I feel pg, and I know that my babies are in there, I feel a connection to the point that I am pg... very pg at this point, but the realization that there are 2 babies in my tummy is just more than I can grasp. Don't feel guilty at all. When I was pg with my oldest, I was the same way, too. You feel like there is just some wierd little being in there and even though you know it's a baby, the idea is just too foreign. I guess it must be even more difficult since this is your 1st pg and you are having twins. I could find a connection with my other 2 full term babies, but that is because I had already had a baby and remembered what it was like to hold her after she was born. I feel like a first time mom with these two. EVERYTHING is different with twins. Don't be hard on yourself. What matters is that you talk to them, rub your belly, try closing your eyes and picturing them in your arms, and just enjoy the fact that they are there. The connection will come whether it is later in your pg or after they are born. Congratulations on your babies and good luck!

 

Despite all the morning sickness and bedrest I've done in my pregnancies, I have some connection, I feel with my babies, while they're in the womb. But once they are out and I see them, it intensifies. This twin pregnancy has been surreal for me. . . I know they are there and I get so many more u/sounds and get to see them growing and moving. But I still can't quite comprehend what it's going to be like to have two babies at the end of this instead of just one.

Don't be hard on yourself about how you feel right now! It really sounds natural how you feel. . . you're getting ready for them, and I think through that, you are enjoying your pregnancy and thinking of your little ones. Pregnancy is just a very small part of the bigger picture. I think there's so much emphasis in the media right now on the actual pregnancy part of having a child that we forget how important those days and months and years after pregnancy are.

 

It didnt feel "real" for me until i had them. same as DD1. with DD1 is was a little surreal... Like there wasnt really a baby in there.. for her it became real a couple weeks post pardum...

 

It kind of depends on the day for me. Some days it really hits me and I can't believe how lucky I am and how scared I am about the whole process. I am also so nervous about making it to the end. Now that I am closer that fear is subsiding a little, but not totally. I love to feel them move and see them on the u/s. As I go in every week for apts and hear their heart beats and feel them move it feels more real. Also as the contractions intensify it feels more real. I agree with PP. There is nothing like sitting with your hands on your belly and feeling them move. I rub the little baby bumps and talk to them, that may help you bond some too. It is normal to have it feel so surreal, it still does for me at times. Then there is a reality check. You will be ok.

Jen

 

QUOTE(independentwriter @ Apr 19 2008, 06:24 AM) [snapback]728889[/snapback]
I hated being pregnant. It was pure torture and painful. I did like feeling them move though. It will all change when you see them being born. And of course it will be hard, but even now, with my twins being two, I can't believe we had twins.



I am soo glad i am not the only one who finds being pregnant horrid lol
dont get me wrong i felt the same the last two pregnancies... and i love my kids more than life its self... i am just one of these people who hates being pregnant lol

 

QUOTE(SMax @ Apr 18 2008, 04:50 PM) [snapback]728351[/snapback]
As a first time mom-to-be, I am filled with a mix of true excitement and sheer panic when thinking about arrival of our little boy and little girl. I find myself on these boards a couple of times a day, I think about what needs to be done before they arrive, I am working on our baby registry, etc.

Still, it doesn't really seem real. I can feel them move and kick pretty regularly, but I don't really feel connected to them. I see my belly in the mirror and it's hard to imagine that there are two little babies growing inside.

I guess it makes me kind of sad...like one day I'll wake up, deliver and be completely shocked that I now have two little ones. Maybe because I am still working full-time? I don't know...I am just afraid that I am missing out on the opportunity to enjoy and cherish this pregnancy (as it will likely be my first and last).

Any thoughts or words of advice?



It's funny you'd post this 'coz I am expecting around the same time as you....and I have been thinking exactly the same for the past few weeks. Good you did post it and it's good to see all the responses...Good luck with your pregnancy!!!

 

Same thing here I know I am but it just doesn't sink in.....I too am scared I'm gonna miss out by not getting it through my head.....I bought my baby girls carseat online yesterday and will be getting my boys next week I thought maybe if I start seeing them in the car til they get here It might sink in