When do you start to say "no"?

Jack and Lily are 6mos. old. As you probably already know they are crazy little sweet darling babies. I will say that there is an innocence to all of Lily's fussing/screaming. She definitly has an opinion about things and lets us know, quite loudly; however, for her it is like she is honestly upset and does not understand why the mean people are putting her to bed or strapping her in a carseat, etc...

Jack is different. He is much more laid back and almost "easy" comparitively; however, he has always seemed to know what he is doing, if you know what I mean. Now that he is getting older he is definitly acting more like a "boy". These are our first and I never had brothers so I do not know if he is just playing with boundaries or if it is more about being a boy. He has started to sort of throw tantrums where all of a sudden he will scream, almost like he got stung by a bee, and then stop as suddenly as he started. He will also refuse his bottle by pursing his lips and batting at it and is laughing away the entire time. He seems to have sort of learned how to play with us a bit. More importantly, he is also doing some dangerous things like trying to turn around backwards and pop out of his bouncy seat, even with the kick n play bar thing in front of him. He is also trying to get out of his bumpo and pretty much anything you put him in.

My question is, when do you start saying "no" or when/how do you communicate danger or behavior that is sort of ornary? It may just be that you ignore the ornary (sp?) things which is fine for now but how do you communicate danger and when do you start? Oh, and he has also started to screech. I have a friend that has 18 mos. old boy twins and they always did this short, peircing screech thing when we were out to dinner or whatever -not because they were hurt or wanted anything, just to get attention. I would always come home and tell my DH how annoying it was. Well, now Jack is doing it. It is like he is proud of himself for making this noise and wants to practice practice practice but at the same time he has this sly smile on his face like he knows it is a little more ornary of a thing to do.

Sorry to ramble, I hope this post makes sense to someone! I feel like I have been "working my bum off" trying to take care of these two and now the real parenting is going to start and I have no idea where to start!

Thanks,
Amy

 

When mine get into something dangerous, I calmly tell them "Don't eat dirty kleenex" or whatever, then divert them to another activity. (The dirty kleenex thing has happened, btw! ) If they're in each others' faces (they really want to cuddle each other while nursing, but it all comes out as scratches and pinches and pokes), I restrain or guide their hands and tell them "Gentle, gentle." When they'll actually get it, I have no idea! :lol:

If your DS is doing something obnoxious but not dangerous just to get attention, then just ignore it and be sure to lavish lots of attention on him when he does non-obnoxious things. If he doesn't get a reward for the screeching, he'll do it only as long as it amuses him, and knowing babies' attention spans that won't be too long.

 

I started saying "no,no" as soon as I thought they would start to understand the concept. Probably when they started crawling and getting into more stuff at about 8 months. They really just got it about a month ago and will stop in their tracks for a moment when I say it. They may not stop what they are going to do, but they get it.

 

I only say No when they are doing something dangerous or something that could hurt them. I don't want the word to lose its meaning. I usually say, "we don't do that, or don't pull his hair" something along those lines.

Besides, I don't want them to say the word to me a hundred times a day when they get a little older.

 

I've been saying no a lot more in the last few months, probably started at 6 months, but I think I am going to stop, based on what pp said about it losing its meaning. A friend told me that she used the word "stop" instead because she didn't want "no" to be her baby's first word and have to hear it a million times a day.

 

I'm thinking I probably started when they got more mobile.

 

I think you should start to communicate with your children from the moment they are born, so yes, I would use no at this point so that you start to build this communication. But more importantly, you need to redirect their behavior. Specifically, about the bouncy seat and bumbo, it is probably getting time to take them out of this type of seat. You really can't stop babies/children from exploring their world, you often just have to remove the danger. I don't know the specifics of your babies' motor skills, but both my DS and older DD were sitting unassisted at 6 months and DD could even crawl. I'm guessing that your little man is outgrowing some of his restraining seats!

Anyway, that was not really your question, but back on point about communicating danger....

Learning and obeying when a parent says no is a very important, but gradual process. At this point you want to redirect your babies' attention and remove the danger; all the while using words like "no" and "stop" to communicate (like I'm telling my DD 100 times a day, "take the rock/quarter/toy/paper/etc out of your mouth" while at the same time helping her to remove it!!!! ARGH!)

Good luck! Just be consistent. This is largely what parenting a creature striving toward independence is all about!

 

Between 6 and 7 months I started saying "No dangerous" in a stern (but not loud) voice when they do something that is dangerous (like trying to scoot off the changing table!). For things that I don't want them to do, but aren't going to hurt them, I say something like "We don't..." (eat tissue, pull hair, spit food, poke sister's eye) and then redirect them. I know they don't understand, but its a good habit for me to form and for them to get used to.

 

I start saying no right from birth basically (not much to say no to at first) but it is HOW I say no that changes as they get older. They understand alot more than you think. Tone of voice really plays a big part in helping them to understand.

 

I started when they were crawling or scooting. This is what we do.

The thing that I try to determine right off the bat is whether they are being bad on purpose or just exploring. It's one thing to see a dirty Kleenex and decide to taste it because you are curious, or to experiment with your voice and see how loud you can be. I don't say no in these cases because it's like saying "No, you can't explore".

If there is another word I can use besides No I will. Like Yucky! (with an appropriately grossed out facial expression), Hot!, Dirty!, Gentle! or Careful!. I try to save No for repeated willful misbehavior (that shouldn't be too much of a problem for you until they are past the 1 yr mark) or to answer a question.

If there was a dirty Kleenex on the floor when they were 6 months old and they got it, I would take it away and say "yucky, you don't want to eat that!" and make a yucky face. Eventually they "get it".

If they were yelling and screaming for fun I would quietly whisper in their ear and say "You are being so loud! It hurts my ears. Can you whisper like mommy?" They would usually keep squealing. That's a phase that all babies go through though. They really aren't trying to be bad, they are experimenting with their voice. I like to think they are singing, but very loudly and off key.

eta: The main reason I don't like to use No too much is because babies are very literal. If you use one word to mean several different things they can get confused. Yucky, hot, dirty, gentle and careful each have their own meanings that will get your point across better. I forgot to mention that I do say No Touch when I don't want them to touch something, but that's pretty much because I can't think of a single word command to convey that. ardon: