what's your policy on visitors?

I just spoke to my evil MIL (long story) who accused me of being unfair to her not letting her see the girls. The story is that my FIL was sick and I wanted a week to go by after he was feeling all well before they visit. My theory is that if one member of the household is ill then it is possible the rest are carriers. It will take about a week for them to exhibit symptoms if they are so it is best they wait. This after spending three nights up with my Iris who was running a high fever.
Anyway, I will avoid ranting and raving about this one and ask: what do you do about visitors that might be sick? What is ok? What is reasonable? What do you ask?

 

I just spoke to my evil MIL (long story) who accused me of being unfair to her not letting her see the girls. The story is that my FIL was sick and I wanted a week to go by after he was feeling all well before they visit. My theory is that if one member of the household is ill then it is possible the rest are carriers. It will take about a week for them to exhibit symptoms if they are so it is best they wait. This after spending three nights up with my Iris who was running a high fever.
Anyway, I will avoid ranting and raving about this one and ask: what do you do about visitors that might be sick? What is ok? What is reasonable? What do you ask?

 

I ask them to STAY AWAY! Unless they would like to stay up all night with two sick babies. If they know they are sick or could be sick most visitors let me know in advance and I kindly reschedule. RSV season...need I say more?!

 

I don't know...that sounds a bit harsh to me. If your MIL washes her hands & isn't showing any symptoms, I would let her visit.
Now, my girls were almost full term & we didn't have any early issues & they have a 2.5 year old germy sister, so I'm pretty understanding about germs.

 

People just don't get it....it is not fun being up all night with sick babies, especially 2. I would stick to your guns, there is nothing wrong with trying your hardest to keep your babies well.

 

Mine are a little older now, but I had the same policy when mine were your age. I really didn't care what anyone thought of me -- I was the one home taking care of sick babies (and usually myself). I say do what is best for you and go w/your gut.

You will probably get some "germaphobe" comments from people that say it's ok to have people come over -- and that's ok too. I just hate when my babies are sick. I say you've got to do what you've got to do for you and your kids.

We are hosting Christmas Eve at our house for the first time. DH and I were talking the other night about what if someone coming over is sick. Well, they will be told they can't come. We'll make them a really nice plate of food and someone will take it to them. Sorry! We are the only ones w/kids on both sides of the family (and will always be the only one w/kids). Other than the Grandparents, no one has a clue about taking care of 2 well babies much less 2 sick babies.

HTH!
Mendy

 

You know, I say, stick to your guns, and go with your gut. With good handwashing is your MIL unlikely to pass anything on to your babies? I think so, yes. But if you don't want to risk it generally, I don't think that's unreasonable. And, frankly, at this time of year, I wouldn't risk it either. RSV can be mild but it can also be severe...and in adults it's likely going to exhibit like a cold so they're not even going to know it's anything potentially serious.

That said: what was your FIL sick with? That could also be a factor (some things take less time to manifest than others, a week after he feels well may be "excessive.")

If people are sick, I hope they have the common sense and common decency to stay away. We have good friends with a toddler who will be 2 next month, and who has been sick seemingly constantly since she started daycare last year. I do not consider it coincidence that, both times DD and DS have come down with anything, it has been exactly three days after a visit from those friends, with their daughter and her runny nose. I don't even know what to say to them at this point. I am a first time mom, and DD and DS were born two months early and had a six week NICU stay, so I'm going to be more concerned about this kind of thing than someone who's been through it all before, with full term babies, I'm sure. TBH, though, I was always the person in the office who was genuinely pissed off when sick people decided to play martyr and come to work. Yeah, they looked like real devoted employees, but in the meantime they got the rest of us sick.

 

Do they live near you? How often do they come over? Giving a little distance if they are close and frequent visitors shouldn't be a big deal. If they lived in Europe and visited each decade, you might let them come over. If not, MIL needs to chill.

What I hate more than anything is people who trivialize sicknesses. You never know if a cold will pass to somebody or not. I believe in handwashing, but did you know that you are supposed to wash them in the soap long enough to sing "Happy Birthday" twice? TWICE.

Good luck and keep your babies safe and healthy this winter!

 

Stick to your guns! You MIL is being selfish...unless she plans to come care for sick babies and pay all the medical bills then she needs to shut her mouth. It may sound harsh but who cares, they are your babies. It is RSV and flu season right now, there is absolutely no reason to expose your children to anyone who has been around anyone sick. Ive known babies to die from RSV and pertussis so why take the chance. That is one of the big triggers with MIL and myself, she has no idea no matter what I tried to explain...havent spoken to her in months, and she hasnt seen the babies either.

Dont ever let anyone tell you that you are being wierd or a germaphobe or whatever. THe baby I knew who died from pertussis was a full term, healthy baby, some one selfish demanded to see her and she got sick and died at the hospital with her mother watching in horror. It may not happen often but why ever take taht kind of chance. Tell your MIL to bug off

 

I am extremely cautious about visitors - granted ours were born at 29 weeks - but I still don't let anyone who has been exposed to sickness or feels like they might be sick (even if they swear it's probably alergies) come over - and I haven't let anyone who is not immediate family or a very close friend come to the house to see the babies at all. Everyone who does come over, must wash hands or use purell constantly - I'm paraniod, but I figure there's enough germs out there for them to get sick anyway - whatever I can do to protect them, especially in RSV/flu season, I will do.

 

Sorry I didn't include details in the initial post. FIL had a pretty heavy cold that dragged on about 10 days. Keep in mind both FIL and MIL are in their 70s and their immune systems don't fight things off quickly. They live about 30' away and visit pretty much any time they wish to and so far they wish to about once a month. They've been here about 3 times since the girls were born.
If I were to be polite I would say they are set in their routines and if I were to be honest I would say they can't be bothered with seeing the girls more often and their other activities are more interesting to them. I think it annoyed her that she finally decided to visit and couldn't do so.
They laugh when I say they should wash their hands- like this is some insane request. FIL doesn't and sais he will not touch the babies then he does anyway. DH doesn't notice these things, although he agrees with me in theory, so if I don't watch them when they walk in and remind them to wash their hands or don't watch FIL while here things don't really get enforced.
The girls were born full term but still don't weigh much (about 10 pounds)

 

If they wash up and don't kiss them, don't kiss their hands etc. it'll probably be fine. It's YOUR call.... It IS RSV season! It's not good to have a baby in the hospital for that!!!

I started to relax around 3 mos., but it was getting to be SUMMER not RSV season! Your call. Give it a few more days.

 

I prefer sick people not be around my girls. But my hubbys grandparents are very old and won't be around too much longer. They are always sick, but I really wanted to let them meet the girls before it was too late. So I just made sure that they wash their hands and not cough on the girls. After the initial visit went well, I just following the no coughing policy for everyone. So far, so good. No one has been sick yet. But, I say do what ever makes you comfortable. I guess I have just never been much of a worrier.

 

I do the same thing. I don't let anyone visit the babies who is sick. Allison has been home for two weeks now and my Mom still hasn't seen them because she had a sore throat! People can carry illnesses without getting sick - thus if anyone is sick stay away!

Angel

 

If I know someone is sick, they are banned.

My Granny & Pop are in their 70s and I squirt them with Purell before they are allowed to touch Wesley. My Granny takes it as a personal offense, but I really don't care. She sits in her chair coughing into her hand, blowing her nose, scratching her head, digging her ear, etc. She needs to be sanitized. Not that I don't do all those things myself mind you, but I get up and wash my hands or Purell myself before picking up my baby.

I get teased about being a germophobe. I travel with the Purell in the pocket of the diaper bag and preemptively squirt people when they walk in the door, or when we arrive whereever together.

 

quote:
My Granny takes it as a personal offense, but I really don't care. She sits in her chair coughing into her hand, blowing her nose, scratching her head, digging her ear, etc. She needs to be sanitized.


Love it!

 

ohmygosh of course you are right to be protecting your babies and the rest of the family for that matter! we're in the dead smack of winter, y'know? ten pound babies don't have the reserve weight they would need if they got dehydrated,.. it isn't like you are worried about yourself personally- and i know people who are like that in general who make no apologies. who can blame anyone who doesn't want to be sick during flu season? i think its a tad selfish of anyone who wouldnt be able to think of the babies welfare before their own wants- but i have been going through this too like you and have given it a lot of thought. whether you were NICU'ers or not, it is your right to make the call for your children. i think if they could talk they would say thank you Mommy!

 

I prefer for people not to come over if they are sick or their children are sick but DH works with tons of people every day at work that have colds ( army ) and we have a 3 year old who goes to preschool so the germs are here and here to stay pretty much as long as he is in the germ factory i call preschool.
Thankfully my twins were full termers so rsv and stuff isnt as huge a concern.

 

People who are sick do not need to be around babies. Explain to them that what may be a routine cold to them, for example RSV, can truly be threatening to infants. Infant airways are very small and do not tolerate swelling, mucus, etc as adults do. Babies just tend to get sicker with some bugs. If it is unavoidable, then handwashing and covering the mouth while sneezing and coughing are musts. Also, explain to them if they have a stomach virus,(diarrhea and vomiting) that babies do not tolerate this either and dehydration can be life threatening to infants if not treated. Secondly, I havent learned much over the years but this is something I have learned and I know it is true...ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUTS. If you feel strongly about something then stick to it as kindly as you can. Sorry so long...Im a nurse and feel strongly about these issues as I have seen a lot of sick babies. And of course, babies are going to get sick at times despite our best efforts. I think you are making good decisions.

 

Once the babies were 2 months old or so I didn't worry about it. People didn't come over while ill. I was very vocal about everyone using Purell until the girls were about 12 months old though and carried little bottles of it everywhere. It is totally your choice though and they are your babies. I think MIL will live if she doesn't get to see her sweeties for a few more days. For a cold, anyone else in our house/extended family that is going to get it tends to get it within a couple of days, not a week.

 

knowing the details, I would say you are being perfectly reasonable. I still wash my hands and my kiddos are almost 1! I follow hesitant guests with a bottle of Purell, and force the issue.