What's the Deal...

My lo's will be 18 months in a few days. Lately when they get upset (sometimes over something as simple as wanting me to pick them up and I can't) they just freak out. DS is worse than DD - he gets himself so worked up and does this thing I call the "butt clench" where he squeezes his little butt and kind of holds his breath and grunts/cries. DD is usually pretty good about not pitching fits, but they haven't been feeling well lately (stomach virus/cold/teeth) and she's pitched more than her usual share. If we are out of the house doing something they're great. I also noticed yesterday that after DH left for work and it was just me here they had a good day. Once he got home, it all started up again. So we took everyone for a walk and that calmed things down a lot and everyone was happy again. DS is more sensitive than DD and needs my attention more. Do you think he acts out more when my DH is here because he realizes that's one more person I "have to" pay attention to? If he's one on one with either of us, he's always happy. Is this a normal 18-month phase/behavior?

It's starting to worry DH (he's never been around any kids but ours), but we had our 18 month wbv the other day and the doctor said everyone looks great, hitting all their physical,language and social milestones. He also said 18 months is the height of stranger anxiety, temper tantrums, etc. b/c of the language barrier. They can't quite communicate their wants and needs as well as they'd like to, they want to be independent and aren't quite there yet and it leads to frustration. Anyone else experienced anything like this? We're doing time outs for fit-pitching, what do y'all do?

 

We're right there with you on this one! My girls are 18 mos and can throw a tantrum with the best of them. They don't do the butt clench, but they will hurl themselves backwards onto the floor/into the wall/off the couch when things aren't going their way. One of them got upset yesterday because she couldn't wear my shoes (not that I wouldn't let her try, but because they were actually a few sizes too big :laughing: ) and broke out into sobs. Mine, also, are much better for me when it's just me. When DH is around, they want him to hold them 24/7 which is something that they know I just won't do.

The good news...I'm thinking it's just a phase and our kids are totally normal. :woohoo:

 

Mine are 21 months and temper tantrums have hit full force. They don't last long, but seem to happen over the smallest things. My two are actually worse when it is just me because they fight over my attention and seem to be on good behavior when dh or the grandparents are around and let it all hang out when they aren't. Mine will do it if I give them the "wrong" cup, if they decide they want to go outside and I can't at the moment, if it is time to eat, etc. and depending on the situation we either ignore or distract. We tried time-outs for a while but my crazy kids actually like being in the pack-n-play we use for timeout and I can't get them to stay still outside of it. We tried the hold them silently thing but they are strong little munchkins and the thrashing and kicking make that impossible. Not much help, I know, but what I try to do (luckily they usually have tantrums one at a time) is start reading, or playing with the other one and usually the one tantruming will want to be involved and will pop up and come play like nothing happened. This is such a frustrating age for it to be so fun too!

 

Totally normal toddler behavior!! My guys can be like Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde; one minute they're sweet and playing quietly, the next minute they screaming and throwing things because they can't fork a Cheerio.

I find this behavior is *much* worse when they are teething. Nate is *finally* cutting his lateral incisor, plus working on his canines, and I swear he's been abducted and replaced with "Nate-hole". :gah: I agree that lack of communication skills and coordination also contributes to them getting super frustrated about absolutely nothing.

Last night we went to the store, and they were absolute angels. I realized this is the first time in *months* that we've done anything outside of the house without them pitching a fit about something. I feel like I won the Lottery! :lol:

WRT to having more tantrums when DH is there, I totally think you're on the right track. My guys seem to get super clingy when DH and I are both at home; they know that there are 2 sets of arms to hold them, so by gum they're going to take advantage of that! Also, I find that "transition" times (when we're leaving for work or coming home to relieve the nanny) are also super tantrum/whiny times. They get unsettled by the comings and goings, then calm down afterward.

Your kids sound perfectly normal and healthy! I really love this age despite the frustrations, but it is a challenge sometimes!

 

My Toddlers are almost 20 months, and they have their usual and fair share of Toddler Temper Tantrums. It is normal, just have to work thru it. I found this in one of my parenting magazines and taped it to my cubbard door. To remind me when they are having temper tantrums:


The average toddler melts down every 20 MINUTES. So if something ugly happens, remember: It's not just you


Good Luck!!

 

:rotflmbo:

That is priceless! :lol:

 

Oh my goodness! Every 20 minutes? That makes me feel better. I hate that we all have to deal with tantrums, but I'm glad I'm not alone. Thanks everyone.

 

Forgot to say that yes, I think this is an awesome age too. They pick up a new word almost daily, can follow simple instructions which is so cute and love on each other for no reason at all. They love their baby sister and try to "help" with her and give us hugs and kisses just because. It seems like yesterday I was waiting for them to roll over or sleep through the night. They really do get too big too fast!

 

Mine are 18 mo and I see the tantrums all day as well. I wish they were better when my DH wasn't here, since I am a SAHM, but they are the same if he is here or not. My son seems to throw tantrums over minor things as well, like me not giving him his breakfast fast enough. He was going and hitting his head on the wall so my ped had recommended putting him in a pack & play which worked fine. Thankfully he hasn't hit his head the past few days so I am hoping he is over that. I know he was getting all 4 canines in so maybe that was part of that. At least we know we're not alone.