What's it like haveing a singleton after twins?

My twins are 3.5 years old and I'm having baby in November. I'm ASSUMING that it's going to be easier...but I don't want to be shocked if it's not. There are a few things that I know I won't do this time around that I did with the twins. I won't nurse the new baby to sleep (after a certain age), I won't run every time the baby makes a peep, things like that. I did a lot of those things being a first time Mom and a worry wart. Also, when your babies are in the hospital for a month and a half and your finally home, of course you're going to want to hold them all of the time and attend to their every cry. But, my girls are very clingy and I think it's becaue I didn't help them learn to self sooth.

ANYWAY, how were things the second time around? THe girls are very much into babies and I don't think they'll have a very hard time adjusting. I'm trying to prepare them now for the crying and that I will have to take care of the baby so they'll have to learn to wait if they need soemthing done.
What else? I just want to make sure that I'm not living in La LA Land here! Thanks for sharing your experiences/tips!

 

My boys are 4.5 & the new one is 3 weeks old. I have found this one to be so different from the twins. We started a while ago telling the boys that mommy can only do 1 thing at a time. I explain to them which 1 thing I am doing & then tell them what is next. I think this has helped alot. The hardest is when Cody is eating & the boys need something. We are still working through it, but it can be done.

 

I don't know, I think Mom is more relaxed 2nd time around and that helps everyone!

I had a singleton first, but I was still more relaxed when the twinks came along.

I hope this helps!

 

QUOTE(Mel G @ Jul 20 2007, 04:05 AM) [snapback]338542[/snapback]
My twins are 3.5 years old and I'm having baby in November. I'm ASSUMING that it's going to be easier...but I don't want to be shocked if it's not. There are a few things that I know I won't do this time around that I did with the twins. I won't nurse the new baby to sleep (after a certain age), I won't run every time the baby makes a peep, things like that. I did a lot of those things being a first time Mom and a worry wart. Also, when your babies are in the hospital for a month and a half and your finally home, of course you're going to want to hold them all of the time and attend to their every cry. But, my girls are very clingy and I think it's becaue I didn't help them learn to self sooth.

ANYWAY, how were things the second time around? THe girls are very much into babies and I don't think they'll have a very hard time adjusting. I'm trying to prepare them now for the crying and that I will have to take care of the baby so they'll have to learn to wait if they need soemthing done.
What else? I just want to make sure that I'm not living in La LA Land here! Thanks for sharing your experiences/tips!

 

My girls were just 3 when the baby was born and really aside from a few meltdowns it has been awesome, having 1 baby is such a treat-
The girls are great helpers too, they get me anything I need for Stone and they love being mini-mommies!
The only funny thing is they usually end up fighting over who gets what, so I have make sure they each have something to get.
But basically life is really no more insane with 3, it's just a different crazy.
I think it's been great for the girls to have a brother because all the attention isn't on them anymore. ( this was one of the reasons we had another)
I found it was way harder being pregnant with Stone, because I was sick & so exhausted that I couldn't be there for Shae & Drew, and they took full advantage and would get into trouble when I was on the couch.....
Once he was born and I felt better things got back into a routine and it was all good.
Take care, and all the best with your new baby!
It can't be all that bad there is a ton of us on here with twins and a singleton....
Cheers, pam

 

Having one baby has been much easier than dealing with 2 little babies! I will tell you, everything you wrote that you won't be doing this time around (nurse to sleep, run at the first cry, etc.) I do with my singleton! I can't help it. I loved to snuggle with my little baby in the evenings (once the twins where in bed). P and P were 16 months when C was born, but overall it has been a great experience for everyone. Some days are a little crazy, but I think that happens to anyone with kids.
Take care

 

It has been awesome here...Andrew is such a good baby though so that helps. I am enjoying him so so much. Best of luck to you

 

Thank you all so much for your replies...they're very encouraging! I really do think that it's GOT to be easier and I am so excited and just can't wait for the new baby! The thing I'm most looking foward to is having just ONE baby cry in the middle of the night. It's going to be so nice to calm the baby and snuggle and not have to worry about the ohter baby in the back of your head, just wating for her to wake up, too!!!! I know I will probably nurse the baby to sleep and rush when it cries, but I hope that I can stop doing those things before they become a habit.

Anyway, I just can't wait!!! It's going to be so much fun and I can't think of a better gift to give my girls than a sibling! I'm so excited!

 

My girls were almost 4 when my son came. I told them about the baby in mommy's tummy and that I would have to tend to him a little more than them when he comes. It was so different when he was born and much easier. I actually didn't know what to do with myself at times since I was so used to tending to one baby and then the other right after. I loved being able to just snuggle with him and not have to worry about putting him down when the other baby would cry (while my girls were at preschool). Also make sure your girls help my bringing you things. My girls loved helping especially Kira she got so happy and proud of herself when I asked for a diaper or burp cloth or something.

 

Hey we are almost 2 weeks into life with new baby Ella, my boys are 3 and 3/4 so similar age to your girls.
However being real boys they did not want to know much about pregnancy or about the new baby that was to come. And all that stuff that I always read (and saw) of involving the older children in helping with the baby is not working with us either.
Ollie looks at the baby, kisses her, cuddles her (hard) and asks about her constantly (seemingly worried she will disappear, but I think really he is worried that she is on mommy AGAIN!). He will not bring diapers or even stand close to her if she has a poo, but he will sing for her when she cries. He has not shown a big jealous reaction yet, but he has always been our screamer and he screams when I breastfeed (he needs the garden door open, he needs some water, he needs to jump on the couch...).
Now I have written a lot about Ollie's reaction and what about Alex? Well he has failed to react at all. He was my baby boy (so little and so childish) and I feared he would cry or be upset, etc... well he has neither cried, nor was he upset, but he also doesn't mention Ella, he doesn't speak about or to her, he doesn't count her as a part of the family ("My family is 4 people!") and if asked he doesn't seem to know she exists. This is a strange reaction, and I was a bit upset about it, but I feel he will come to terms with it eventually.
We try not to push him.

About doing things differently, yeah, well Ella (as the newest member and the one who will not remember this time) is the one who has to have the patience at our house. I have always been able to breastfeed walking around (ok subideal, but you do what you have to do) and I will put her away if the boys need me, even if she cries. Of course not for extremely long periods of time, you know what I mean but I try to prioritize the children that will suffer more under waiting.
We also got a terrific nanny for the first 8 weeks hired. She is great with the boys and a maternity nurse, so knows how to handle the baby. She is a real help, because this way when she is here she takes the twins out for runs in the park and then takes the baby for a couple of hours and I can go out with them. I think having one on one time with them is very important these days, so we try to have an hour with each boy every day.
The nights are hard (but that is because our boys don't sleep through yet) but I can live on less sleep, and my husband has been amazing. All in all I feel much better with her than after the first two weeks at home with my boys (who were almost 7 weeks when they came home!).
Millie

 

Hi again- Millie, I appreciate you sharing your experience, it's the kind of info. that I was looking for. I'm glad taht you have a nanny to help- I WISH we could afford to hire a nanny! By the way, my girls don't sleep through the night either! What's up with that?!
Did you breastfeed the twins? After doing that, I feel like I can do anything while breastfeeding, especially just one baby. I can just picture myself cooking dinner, giving baths, vacuming and nursing the baby at the same time!

I know that it's not going to be easy. My mother keeps reminding me how busy I'm going to be- no kidding! But, I think it will be busier/more difficul when the baby is a little older rather than when it's a newborn. Who knows! Thanks again!

 

No matter what, you will make it work.

Noam and Sapir were 2 years and 9 months when Hadas was born.

Sapir had issues with me breastfeeding Hadas... she always needed something when I was sitting down or helping Hadas latch-on. I had a terrible breast infection after 3 weeks of nursing... so I gave up and started with the bottles.

The jealousy can be challenging at times. Noam and Sapir seemed to take turns being jealous of Hadas. At the same time, they would get me things if I asked, etc.

Waking at night to feed one baby is definitely easier than waking to feed two... but it still wears you out after a while.

Noam and Sapir have matured so much in the last year and a half... and of course... Hadas is now a little girl - walking, talking, having opinions and enjoying playing with others.

That newborn stage goes by so fast! You will all grow together as a family as time goes on, even if things are a bit rocky at the beginning.

Good luck and congratulations!

P.S. If you mom thinks you're going to be so busy... get her to commit to coming over to help you like one day a week or something (if she lives in your area).

 

Dear Mel,
yes I did breatfeed both boys until they were 12 and 16 months old. I do not know how it works in America, but in England there is a big movement (especially under middle to high class women) that is strict routine on the baby, don't speak to it while you feed it, concentrate on doing everything right, the baby will only be happy if you follow strictest rules and never EVER show it any loving behaviour... you know what I mean.
I always thought that was ridiculous and I do at demand feeding, I try to make everything as easy for everyone and I think strict routines don't work with a mother who is not strict and has never been able to stick to a routine not even for herself.

So if my boys need a bath and baby is screaming, well baby will scream. No baby has died from screaming yet (not for 5 to 10 minutes anyway) and I can breastfeed sitting on the toilet while the boys splash.
My midwife (bless her, she is wonderful but...) says the baby will not gain weight if I feed her sitting uncomfortably... yeah whatever, I have studied medicine and I know that is not true. And she is gaining weight, by the way.

But as said I am a woman that can stand the baby crying for a while. As an exchange when the boys are off to bed I give her double the cuddles. And I also don't mind a screaming twin for a while if I am changing a nappy. That is just part of life for me. I know my brother's wife got almost crazy trying to have everyone content at every time and I know that is just not possible. I am just one mommy and there is now 3 (and days like today 5) kids. I will try to make it as good as it can be, but at times that will mean that one, or two or even 4, have to wait and if waiting makes them cry, well they will have double the job: getting upset and then getting un-upset.

But writing here is one thing and living it is another one. And I know there are days where I just want to give a few of them up for adoption. But most days with that attitude have been ok. Most days I manage to get to the end of the day thinking: "that wasn't so bad!" and that is the most I can expect at this point I think. I have to add here that my boys are the most difficult little people I have ever met, they are extremely needy and cry-y and their teachers have told me, so it is not just me thinking this.
But as said at the moment getting to the evening with 3 fairly happy kids was possible even if it means 20 minutes of wailing here and 20 minutes of tantrum there.
I hope that helped, Millie

 

My twins were 2 years and 5 mos when my son was born. Funny how the hardest part of having a singleton was still the twins! Either we were lucky he is such a good baby or he was forced to be a good baby because he had to do a lot of self soothing when I was still changing diapers/ pull ups on the twins or tending to a tantrum or time out. I did the same thing - i responded to my twins' every cry or need and made them quite demanding. He is not. The hardest part about adding a singleton to the mix is having a new schedule to contend with. I never realized how easy twins were for purposes of everyone in the house getting up together, eating meals at same time, napping at same time, going to bed at same time... Now that there is a little baby in the house, in addition to getting your twins their breakfast, now you have to work in nursing the baby in the morning and now I am adding in feeding baby food to baby IN ADDITION to all that I had to do before with the twins. Now the twins are more patient and can wait for me to finish feeding baby before getting their breakfast, but it is till quite the process at meals. that says nothing of the bedtime routine. if you are blessed with a husband who gets home at a decent time and can help you divide and conquer at bedtime then it is do-able. if you have a husband who works late and you are doing it alone - it is a two hour process to get all three fed, bathed, teeth brushed, nursed, read to, in bed, etc.

The big upside to having a singleton is that you finally get to enjoy the newborn / infant stage and get to stop and study their features, to snuggle with one baby without worry that the other is about to fall out of the bed, to get up and soothe just one baby in the middle of the night and possibly nurse them in bed. it is AWESOME. I finally had my "babymoon" i heard so much about with my friends who just had one baby the first time around. (mind you - it was when twins were either napping or asleep at night) I loved

the fact that I was no longer operating on a management basis but on his own time. You will have a wonderful time.

good luck!!!