Me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 years and 3 months. No one is in a rush to get married, not that we don't want to but I want the perfect wedding that I can not afford right now. We are content with how things are between us and have lived together for 4 years. This pregnancy was planned(not twins :winking0009: )we both wanted a baby. My question is what would you do. This is not my parents first grandchildren, they have 3 already. But everyone is acting like this is the first maybe because the first girl is coming. Anyway my sister has 3 kids who have her last name. I plan on giving my kids my boyfriends last name. It will be his first son and I know he will want his name to carry on and I am okay with that. However yesterday my grandmother made a comment like don't break your fathers heart by giving him Harold(my bf) nme. I did not answer her. I felt bad in the beginning,but when I thought about it I came to the conclusion that my dad has all girls,who did he think was gonnna carry his name anyway?we are all girls and will be married,so why do I still feel bad. My sisters are in agreeance with my grand mother saying that they are my babies I had them and they should have my last name. But they are his babies too you know. I never even thought of giving my kids my last name until the comment what would you do?
That is tricky. I guess I've always thought people just went with the father's name, unless there was really no father in the picture. It sounds like you are planning to get married in the future and if so wouldn't you want your children to have his last name, assuming you take the name as well? Since you are with him still, I would be inclined to say use his last name.
QUOTE(summerfun @ Sep 26 2007, 10:08 PM) [snapback]425323[/snapback] That is tricky. I guess I've always thought people just went with the father's name, unless there was really no father in the picture. It sounds like you are planning to get married in the future and if so wouldn't you want your children to have his last name, assuming you take the name as well? Since you are with him still, I would be inclined to say use his last name. That is what I thought that a child should have the father's last name especially if the father is active in the child's life, and that was my point I will marry anyway so the names will definitley change anyway. They kinda just made me feel bad saying break my dad's heart and he really is so excited about this whole thing, so I do not want to upset him.
Or is your last name one that would be acceptable as a middle name? I have nothing against children taking their mothers name, but if you do plan to get married and change your name then it would be a little awkward if your children had a last name different from either of the parents. Any chance you could convince your boyfriend to take your name when you get married (uncommon, but not unheard of)? I do know a family with one boy and one girl (not twins), in which the son has the fathers last name, and the mother's last name as his middle name, and the daughter has the mother's last name with the father's last name as her middle name. Complicated, but everyone got something they wanted. Good luck sorting it out. -Rachel
My mother and father weren't married when I was born and they actually split up when my mom was pregnant so my maiden name was her maiden name. However, since you are with the father of your babies I would give them his last name. I like the idea of giving them your last name as their middle name too.
I would definitely give the babies their father's last name. Your grandma is being unfair. It isn't your fault that your dad had all girls. The babies' daddy is involved in their life and I am sure would be devastated if they didn't have his last name. And as they get older it is just going to confuse them if you two are together and they have a different last name. My babies' daddy and I are just friends but I can't imagine them having any other last name than his. Please tell your family that it isn't fair to pick on the poor hormonal pregnant lady right now. Tell them it is sweet to look out for your dad and passing his name on, but that these babies have a daddy that needs his name passed on to. Maybe I am old fashioned but if the daddy is in the picture he should have the babies' have his last name. I guess actually I am REALLY old fashioned because I think even if daddy isn't in the picture they should still have his last name. Best of luck!!!!
I'm in the same situation with my boyfriend. We are holding off on the wedding..twins is enough for now!! But I talked to some people and they said if you were to get married and then have to change the kids names from yours to his it is expensive and kind of time consuming and a hassle. At first I was a little upset thinking about how my kids and I wouldn't have the same last name but I just kinda got over it, cause I knew we would get married eventually (knock on wood). Helpful at all?
I am an only child....My oldest son carries my maiden name for his middle name.....and now one of the twins will do the same thing....his first name comes from my FIL and his middle name from my dad...his name will be David Frost. very unusual...but it is an honor to our dads. Missy
My sister wasn't with her husband at the time of birth so she gave her son her last name. Since then they have gotten back together. Now she is going through getting his named changed and getting it changed on the birth certificate. It is a HUGE pain in the ***. Be completely sure when you name the babies. Because it is not easy getting it changed. And my opinion is to go with the fathers name.This is the beginning of YOUR new family. Its between you and your bf. No one else.
We have been together for 9 years and even if we split they would still be his babies too so from the start they have had my boyfriends second name. It actually annoyed me in the hospital because we were not married they put my name on the cards in the incubator so it got really confusing! x
I would go with the bf name. The middle name as your last name doesnt sound like a bad idea and may be a middle ground for your dad. I agree though, you were all girls and would get married so why should it be any different for you. GL
The use of the paternal surname is a cultural thing here. There are other places where its the maternal surname that passes on (not as many as paternal, but they exist). I say do whatever fits for your situation.
IF the man is currently your man and is currently active give them his last name!! My boyfriend and I haven't been together since I was about 12 wks pregnant. We don't even talk except for U/S appointments. and these children are going to have my last name solely because I don't know if he's going to even stick around as a part of their lives. I know I will always be there but he is too selfish so therefore they will have my name.
I'm not reading other replies because I just want to put my point of view on this. Personally, i hate my dh's last name and the ONLY reason I took it when we married is because I FEEL it is important for MY kids to have the same name as their parents. It feels more cohesive as a family and eliminates a lot of questions by outsiders later on (teachers, parents of your kid's friends etc) That said, I think it is your decision. Are you planning on taking your bf's last name when you get married? I don't think it is your families place to put that kind of pressure on you. That's really not fair. I also never considered the "continuing the family name" issue as I could care less about it but know it is important to others. These babies are your boyfriend's just as much as yours and the TWO OF YOU should discuss it and make a decision together. Oh yeah, all my kids have my maiden name as their middle name. I took my maiden name as my middle name when we married. They think it's cool that we all (except dh) have the same middle and last name. They've even tried to get dh to change his middle name to my maiden name. :laughing:
ive been to the drs, the schools through the divorce.. i would give them YOUR LAST NAME.. his as a middle name unhyphinated.. but your name as their legal name.. i married so we all got my dh's last name.. that was part of the reason imarried.. and now im divorced.. imo.. your name
I went through the same thing, but the pregnancy was unexpected. I also got told to give them my last name or I would break my dad's heart. But I gave the boys my BFs last name. It is our children and our decision, no one else's, and if feelings get hurt, that's not your issue.
I'm not married...been together for 6 years and some odd months..no plans for marriage at this point, and all of the four children that we have created will all have his last name. I think it's a personal preference...look at Tom Brady's baby's mom..she chose her last name for their baby. I've learned that no matter what, someone is always going to have something to say...whether it be the fact that you have children and are NOT married, or they don't like the names you chose, etc...you have to look past that and know that you are the ones raising your children, you are the ones paying the bills, keep that in mind!
If you will change your last name when you get married give them that name. But consider giving them your last name as a middle name. After all it will last with the girl for longer, assuming that the girl changes her last name upon marriage. That could be a selling point to your family.
I think it would be nice for them to have their dads name. Try not to let guilt from family change your decision. Do wot u want amanda
One of my friends gave her kids her last name rather than her husband's. They decided together that if they had a girl, it would be her name and a boy would get his. They have two girls. His family was FURIOUS but ultimately, it's their family and their choice and the relatives eventually got over it. Now, I will tell you that they never had any issues when they lived in CA but the TN school system gave them a horrible time with him occasionally picking the kids up from school because his last name didn't match. It was an ordeal every single time. Whatever you do, don't let it be a surprise at the hospital. If you're going with BF's name, tell your dad of your intentions so he can start getting used to the idea.
my cousin has a son with the biggest biyotch known to man and she would not allow HER son to have his father's last name....it hurt our family immensely, so my grandma gets back at them by sending cards to Seth with my cousin's last name.... in all seriousness I'd give the kids his last name...
