My husband and I have been in a battle about our day care situation. My sister-in-law watches our twin boys. My husband and I are teachers so we are going back to work on Tuesday. She just mentions to us last week that she is taking her son to preschool three days a week but not to worry because she has two extra car seats so she can take the boys. She also said that she needs to borrow my stroller because she needs to walk her son in class and go back in to pick him up. She thought that between 12:30 and 2:00 (the time she would be home between drop off and pick up) would be a good nap time for the boys. The problem is they already have a nap time and that is not it! I am just sick that my boys have to be in the car and in and out of a preschool three days a week. I have an option of my mom and dad watching them one day a week and another home day care that some other teachers use to watch another day a week. Then they would only be going out one day a week. My husband does not want me to say anything because he is afraid to make his brother and sister-in-law mad at him. This is the only family he has since we do not speak to his mom, dad and sister. This is a source of income for them and I love them but I just do not feel comfortable with this situation. What would you do? Try it out or get someone to watch them two days and my sister-in-law watch them the other three days? Any advice would be great! I am stressed!! Thanks! D from MI
I would not feel comfortable with that situation either so I would talk to her. The first issue that jumped out at me was your comment "she has two extra car seats." That's isn't good enough for me. What kind of seats? I'm a stickler about car seats so that would be a HUGE issue for me. I would also explain to her that your kids already have a nap schedule and the one she is proposing will not work. I was strict about naps with my two so, again, this is a big issue for me as well. Man...maybe I'm not the best person to ask!
Do you like everything else about your SIL watching the boys? If yes then I say give this a shot but let her know your concerns. If it doesn't work out then fine but atleast give her the benefit of the doubt. Good people to watch your children are hard to find!
QUOTE(Melis @ Sep 2 2007, 09:38 PM) [snapback]390578[/snapback] Do you like everything else about your SIL watching the boys? If yes then I say give this a shot but let her know your concerns. If it doesn't work out then fine but atleast give her the benefit of the doubt. Good people to watch your children are hard to find! I agree.
QUOTE I am just sick that my boys have to be in the car and in and out of a preschool three days a week. I have an option of my mom and dad watching them one day a week and another home day care that some other teachers use to watch another day a week. Then they would only be going out one day a week. I am wondering why them going out seems to be such an issue for you? Is it because they don't like being cooped up/car trips, are you worried about their safety or something else? The nap thing would bother me more. If you have a routine that is working and you are happy with then your SIL shouldn't change it just to suit herself. Or is it that your boys current nap time will overlap with taking her son to/from pre-school? To me it would be a bit much to have them looked after by three different people each week, that's alot to keep track of. Personally I would do as pp said and give it a go, although I would ask her not to change their nap time yet.
The issue is safety as far as being in the car. I guess I am surprised that this would not be an issue for more people. Does anyone else have a situation like this where their kids are taken out a few times a week by a babysitter? As far as naps they sleep from 10-12:30 and again at 3 for about 45 minutes. This is their schedule for now but I want them down to one nap soon and I don't see how that is going to work with my SIL. Does anyone else have more than one person watching their children within the week? How does this work for you? D from MI
Going to three different places a week could be a stability issue with your boys, it could cause more problems. Also do you know the other in home daycare providers? I would be leery to put my children in a in home daycare where I didn't know the providers. Anything can happen. Also if you choose to go this route check and see if they have video cameras that they use daily.
If this is the only worry you have and you trust her to travel a short distance with your kids, then I would let her know your concerns, but I wouldn't let it be a deal breaker. I think that having the consistency of a single caregiver and a single schedule would outweigh the benefits of having someone else watch them some days and her watch them the others. Even the naptimes I wouldn't get too alarmed by yet. I would keep a close watch on how they adjust to the change in naptime and if they adjust well, then there's no harm done. If they don't adjust well, then take a look at the situation then. In our experience, we've had to make compromises in every childcare arrangement we've had. If it were me (and I realize it's not, of course ), this sounds like a compromise I would be willing to try in order to keep them with their aunt. Now...that said...if it just didn't look like it would work out, then I would definately speak up, regardless of the family relationship. If you don't feel you can communicate honestly with SIL, then it's probably not a good situation to begin with. When we mothers trust our children to someone else, we really need to be confident that communication can be honest and open for the sake of the children. Good luck with the situation
I guess I'm one that WOULD have a huge issue with taking them out in the car. Just me personally, but I wouldn't allow it at all. I know you're in a tough spot because of your SIL's situation, but I would feel very uncomfortable with it. I am also a stickler for their naps, so I would have a problem with this as well. I don't know what the solution would be. Sorry, but I'm here to listen!
Personally, I would be less concerned about moving the nap time than I would be about taking my kiddos out every day. I don't think I'd be okay with that. Particularly if it was sprung on me like that. Honestly, I'd just tell her that that's not going to work for you and that you'll find other child care. She'll get over it or she won't. Her feelings, and frankly your DH's are less important than your children's safety. You shouldn't compromise their safety just so you don't offend someone's delicate sensibilities. JMO of course.
I know a number of people from Marcus' preschool last year that did it. Actually, your guys are at a good age to move to that one nap, and that is a pretty good time for it. They can play with their cousin in the morning, have lunch and then be off to preschool. As the year goes on, they will probably enjoy the interaction. I think your SIL is thinking about it since she already asked for the stroller, so that tells me she is trying to do the best she can with the situation. I know at Marcus' preschool, the director would "team up" the parents who had younger siblings so they could keep the babies in the car on real nasty days and one parent would watch the kids in the two cars, and the other parent would bring the preschoolers in--so that may be an option for you as well. I would also check the car seats to make sure they are suitable.
Good child care is hard to find, so if you trust your SIL I would approach this tactfully. Otherwise, she might not feel comfortable watching your children at all. It sounds like a lot of extra work for her but it sounds like she is willing to do it. If you cut the days she cares for your twins, she's likely to find another family that wants full time care. What would you do if your hours and pay were suddenly cut by 40%? Likely, ditch that job and find another. As far as the safety in the car issue: is she a bad driver? numerous accidents? how far is the preschool from her house? you could provide car seats that you approve of. What were you originally planning to do when her child started preschool? It sounds like you didn't expect it this year but that is was going to be an issue sooner or later and it just happened to be sooner. It sounds like you don't completely trust her and I think you have to go with your gut instinct. Maybe it's time to look for different full time child care.
Thank you to all that replied. My husband and I came to an agreement that my parents will watch them one day a week (they did this last year too so the boys are used to this arrangement) and we will have a back up plan if we need it. During RSV season (and the nasty Michigan winters!) we might have to find someone else to watch them on the preschool days or we will see how it is going. I am still upset about it but I feel I need to give it a try. The fact that my nephew was going to preschool was not the surprise. My SIL told me that he would be bussed. She did not let us know that she had to drive him until last week when my husband initiated the conversation. I spoke with her today about my concerns but I don't think she understands. I let her know that I love her and I appreciate her watching my kids and we may have to find someone else during RSV season but we will see how it goes.
