What would you do in this situation?

This morning I took all three kids to the grocery store. For the most part, we usually have fun going (as much fun as you can have grocery shopping, anyway). N & G love to point out all the different foods and say "hi" to everyone while O is happy just looking around.

Natalie is great for about 45 minutes and still okay for another 15. Gabe is great for about 20-30 minutes and then goes straight to "challenging" mode. We're not talking tantrums, but doing things like knocking things off the shelf, kicking the cart (N & G sit in the seats that are attached to the front of the cart), or torturing his sister. Thankfully, I can get a week's worth of groceries in about 30 minutes and it rarely comes to that point. However, today, we ended up in a very SLOOOOOW checkout line. The cashier was super nice, but was so busy talking to the customers (and then to us) that we were in line nearly as long as we were getting our groceries.

Just before it was our turn, Gabe started screaming. He wasn't yelling any particular word, he was just letting out a yell and then laughing. Of course, Natalie had to get in on it too. When I told them to stop, Natalie did right away. Gabe just kept at it and got louder and louder the more I told him to stop. I remained very calm but I could tell that everyone around was staring at us - probably trying to figure out why I couldn't get control of my son.

I didn't want to take him out of the seat and give him a time-out because there were already people in line behind us and our groceries were on the belt plus I feared he would throw a fit when I tried to put him back in. I don't yell or spank (not a swipe at anyone who does, but I have awful memories of my parents doing those things to me in public places, hence I cannot do that). So my only solution was to tell Gabe that when he got back in the car, he would not be able to have his Mickey Mouse. He didn't care much and I knew it was a long shot since it was going to be another 10 minutes before I could follow through with that. He continued to yell and I resorted to distracting him - getting him to count the balloons and the pumpkins. When we got to the car and I wouldn't let him have Mickey, he threw a fit and I tried to explain why he wasn't getting it. I doubt he understood, but he subsided after a minute or two. When we got home, I explained what he did, made him apologize and gave him Mickey back (just as I would have if it had been a TO).

He's 2.5 and I know that if I told my mom this story, she would tell me that I am a pushover and that I handled it poorly. So, what would you have done? Did I handle that all wrong? This discipline stuff is really hard!! Thanks!

(Sorry this is so long - I doubt you all needed the play-by-play, but it helped to type it all out)

 

I think you handled it as well as you could have since you didnt have a helpeer and you couldn't take him to a private place for any other type of discpline. the only thing I would have done differently, is that I would have whispered in his ear what the desired behavior was and remind him to honor and obey mom. respect mom. but just saying those things don't necessarily make a child change behavior. i feele your pain.

 

My mom has told me that she used to threaten to walk out of the store and go home (with us, of course) if we didn't shape up & then she'd follow through if necessary. This included if she was already in line. She said after a time or two we put it all together and she never dealt with tantrums in stores again. It was probably a major PITA the few times it happened, but it prevented countless recurrances.

Not sure if that helps, but it certainly worked with my brothers and I.

 

You did exactly what I would have done (and certainly will do in the future) in that situation. The fact that you handled it calmly is awesome. :good:

 

I think you handled it about as well as you could have. My response so far to screaming in public (if they're just screaming to hear themselves scream) is to completely ignore it -- but I don't know if that will be the right response when they're your kids' age. The main thing is not to get flustered or care (too much) what other people think, and it sounds like you did that. I don't know if he will learn the lesson (as you said, the behavior and the punishment were pretty far apart), but at least you did something, and what you do in one specific instance probably doesn't matter that much. You can think about how to handle it next time and do it differently if you want.