What unsolicited advice do you have?

I learn so many things by reading these boards. Many times I'll read something that one of you does with your kids or for your kids and it's something I'd not even thought of.

So I thought I'd start a post where we could each post the advice we'd like to give to our friends, other moms of 1-4 year old twins, etc. but don't because we don't want to tell people how to do things. Everyone does things differently so my advice might not be useful to most of you, and your way of doing things might not be for me, but I bet if we all share one or two tips, we'll each come away with at least one new idea. So here are the things I would give as advice if anyone ever asked:

1. Read food labels. Don't give your kids things that contain food dye or preservatives. Their little bodies are like sponges and that stuff is so harmful in the long run. It's easy to avoid dyes and preservatives, you just have to read labels and be wary of anything that has ingredients you can't pronounce.

2. Cheap toy ideas: plastic toothbrush holders - it's very exciting for a 13 month old to pull the two halves apart and put them back together; cardboard boxes are perfect forts; and mom's old purses are treasure troves when filled with small toys. My girls could spend hours pulling things out and putting them back in each purse.

3. Give your DH one day or one evening where he's completely in charge. He does wake up, food, naps, playing, etc. Don't question anything he does or give him pointers. It's a great way for him to feel like he has a role and also good for you to learn how to back off and maybe get some relaxing done.

What advice and tips do any of you have that you can share? Thanks in advance!

*Edited because I can't spell.

 

Here's mine:

1. Keep a schedule, with close to regular as possible meal times, nap times, and bed time.

2. Talk to your kids.....about whatever, just talk to them! Reading books is obviously one fabulous way of doing this, but it's not the only way.

These seem so obvious, but oh how I would have liked to give these bits of advice to some friends of mine who did neither and are now paying the price! Their kids were always tired and cranky and out of control, and you'd look at the clock and it was 11pm....no dang wonder! And their youngest stayed home with a dad who didn't talk much, if at all, and definitely never read to her....she had major speech delays and still struggles in school (maybe she would have had delays anyway, but talking to her would surely have helped).

Finally, to keep the first two into perspective:

3. Just love your kids with all your heart!

Even if you do everything wrong, your kids will turn out okay if they are loved. The rest will eventually fall into place.

 

Be the parent. Even if it means ticking them off. You set the rules and make them stick to it.

 

The most important rule in our house: Always sit at the table while you are eating. When the kids are toddlers, this rule is great because it makes cleaning up after meals easier for me. It also makes the kids focused on the food in front of them, so meal time doesn't become a struggle. (And when meal time becomes a battle, it's especially not fun because it's 3 times a day everyday.)

When the kids are older, this rule is great because it teaches them to sit still for 30 minutes at a time and focus on what's in front of them. The kids can draw, paint and concentrate on their work for continuous periods of time because they already know how to sit still. As they get older, this skill becomes even more important as they learn to read and write. It's alot easier for a kid to do his school work when he already knows how to sit still and focus.

Of course toddlers will rebel against this rule at some point. Mine did when they first learned to walk. They yelled, screemed, and cried at meal time for 3 days. But on the third day, they figured out that this was an unbendable rule and happily sat through the whole meal.

 

Read Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense and try to stick to it. The most important points (for me) were:

- They eat what they choose (or don't eat at all) from the options presented -- no cajoling, demands, or bribery from us.
- Eating is done at the table -- no chasing a toddler around with food on a fork.
- If they choose not to eat, they need to sit at the table long enough for one parent to (more or less) finish eating.

The last rule, we only started enforcing around the time they turned 2. Before that, if they wanted to get down right away, they could. But now we are starting to teach them that they need to sit with us for some minimal amount of time.

 

1. Allow your DH to parent too and don't get annoyed by every little thing he does differently. I hear so many wives complain that their DH doesn't do enough with the kids, but then later I hear these same women complain about how their DH does things when he does try to help. I wouldn't want to help out if I was constantly criticized and scrutinized. It's no different for him!

2. Give your in-laws a break! The majority of the time, they are doing and saying things out of love. They do things differently, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. Accept their advice with grace by saying something along the lines of, "Thanks for the suggestion. I'll think about it." Just because they are offering advice, doesn't mean it's a hiden criticism of you and your parenting. Sometimes it's simply something for them to say because they don't know what else to say to you. Remember, they were good enough parents to raise a man that you fell in love with and chose to be the father of your children.

3. If you want your DH to do something special for Mother's Day, your anniversary, your birthday, etc. be specific and spell it out for him. They don't read our minds and it's not fair to expect them to "know" what you want. If you don't do this, than you should be appreciative and happy with whatever you get, even if it's just a verbal, "Happy Birthday!" At least he remembered! It may take several years to get your DH "trained" so he knows what you like and the type of recognition you desire for these special occasions. However, it may never happen. You may have to remind him on your 20th anniversary that a card, flowers, and a nice dinner out would be real nice. "And don't forget, it's our 20th!"

4. When strangers make comments to you about your kids, just smile and say "Thank you". Most of the time they are trying to be friendly and compliment you. If you always take things in a negative way, you're not going to be very happy. Sometimes people say things that are stupid, or are taken the wrong way, or it just doesn't "come out the right way". Most people are not going to purposefully be rude to your face! I know there have been many times when I have walked away thinking, "Man, that didn't come out right. I sounded like an idiot. I hope they understood what I meant!!" I have also had the comments from people that it seemed impossible they intended to be anything but rude and mean. I still just smiled and responded and went on my way. My favorite is the "I feel sorry for you!" I smile big and say, "No, I feel sorry for you! You have no idea what you missed out on!" They are speechless . . . but still, I don't think their intention was to be mean, it just didn't come out 'right'.