Okay, my husband is driving me crazy!! He thinks that my 4y/2m is having developmental issues. I disagree, and my husband is really starting to upset me, because it is almost daily that he keeps telling me the same things. My 4y/2m is struggling with identifying letters and numbers. He can count to 20, but sometimes will forget a number. He had his alphabet down, but now skips letters in the middle when reciting the alphabet. He only recognizes a few letters from flash cards, but has numbers 1-10 down. We are working on the pincer grip, so he is struggling a bit with writing letters, but he can draw a straight line and circle. He loves books; we read 3-4 books together every day. He has no issues with language and speaking clearly in complete sentences, although he still is working on his “s”s. Physically, he can do just about everything…..runs, jumps, forward rolls….he struggles with jumping on one foot. He can throw and catch, but struggles with pedaling a bike. He can build with blocks, put puzzles together…I think he is fine. Socially, he is a butterfly and gets along with everyone. He has no issues there…other than the typical not listening and can’t sit still all the time. Anyway, does this seem like normal development to you? My pediatrician said he was great…..she said he has hit all of his developmental milestones on time or even early. His PreK teacher said he was average to low average range, but his is in the 4-5year old class and he should technically be in the 3-4year old class. She also said that she saw no developmental issues, based on his performance and testing. My husband keeps saying he is seriously worried (and in front of my 4yo). Before I go off on him, I just wanted validation, that I am right …or do you think he might have a point?
I wouldn't go off on him - while you don't share his worries they are clearly real to him. Since that's the case, I would leave the ball in his court. Let him know the info you've gathered from the doc & teacher & then let him know that if he wants to pursue a 2nd opinion or do some more research he is welcome to. But since you are confident that your son is fine, it is up to him to take the initiative. I would address that he brings it up in front of your son though. That would bother me more since children very much internalize those sorts of things & are quick to live up to "expectations".
It sounds totally normal/even above average to me for a still-new-to-4s kid. What, exactly, is your son doing/not doing that your DH is so concerned about? Is there anything in particular your DH wants to do as a result of these concerns? testing, a specialist? Is he expecting you to somehow "fix" it? Has your DH talked to the teacher directly? (my DH has very little interaction with our preschool) I would ask the teacher for a conference that you both attend to discuss his concerns. Maybe hearing her professional assessment directly from her will ease his mind. Also, I'm suspecting, his expectations may not be age appropriate. Hopefully, she can address that in a gentle, yet professional way, if he is indeed expecting too much from your son at this point. Maybe a meeting with the pedi would be a good idea too. ITA. I think you both need to be very careful about this ETA: If it is the difficulty reciting the numbers and letters, I think that is typical at this age. It takes a long time in "kid time" to say 26 letters! lol He gets to G & starts thinking about a giraffe and loses his place...
I used to teach, and I can tell you that many kids in kindergarten and even 1st grade didn't know all their letters and couldn't count to 20. I think your son is doing fine! Maybe you could have your DH talk to the teacher??
Your son sounds like he's in the normal range to me. At 4 years 2 months my girls were pretty similar, as were most of the kids in their class. But... I agree with everyone else. Your DH's concern is very real to him, and no amount of you telling him he's being silly will convince him. So bring in the experts. Set up a conference with the preschool teacher, or have your husband call the pedi. It's not up to you to prove that your son is normal, but telling your DH that he's crazy won't help either. So validate your husband's thought process if not the actual thoughts. Take him seriously and help him figure out how to get over the concerns. That said, tell DH that IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM CAN HE PUT YOUR SON DOWN WHILE SON IS THERE. That is guaranteed to cause problems for your son - with self esteem, with trusting Dad, with trying new things, etc.
Has your husband expressed specific concerns or does he just think your son is behind without any real reasoning? If he has specific concerns, maybe he can make an appointment with the peditrician to discuss those specific things. Otherwise, have him get the flash cards out and start working with him. Your son does not sound like he is behind at all. Every kid learns differently and at different paces. I also agree that your DH shouldn't be saying negative things around your son. Use positive reinforcement for the things he is learning and that will go a lot farther.
Thank you ladies! You make it easy to vent! I will express the concern about speaking in front of my son.....and curve my tongue on the other. I agree I do need to validate his thought process and put the ball in his court, letting the professionals convince him otherwise.
I would also try to make sure you are keeping it fun for your son. Honestly, I wouldn't do flashcards or sit down to "work on it" or quiz him. (not sure if that is what your DH is doing or not, but it sounds like maybe he is) We have a puzzle similar to this: alphabet puzzle When doing it, I ask the girls to think of other things that begin with the letter they are doing other than what is in the puzzle. Sometimes, they just want to put it together but other times they really get in to it trying to see how many different words they can think of for each letter. Alphabet & number fridge magnets are another hit here.
I'm not a teacher... but... I would say that the recitation of letters in order, doesn't mean he knows the letters... just that he knows how to memorize/recite a series of sounds that happen to be the ABCs. with that said, our preschool is doing "letter sounds" the kids don't actually learn the name of the letter... so "b" isn't said "bee", but "buh"... and the teachers give them a word to associate with each one. I know "J" is "Juh, jellyfish". and "Y" is "yuh, Yak" etc. the examples that the kids know don't seem to change... so not sure about the theory behind that, but they seem to be learning the letter sounds well with this method. it does sound like your son is doing great in all areas, but like the others, listening and validating your dh is important and then letting him take charge of getting more testing is a great idea!
Overall I would try to look at it as your DH is concerned. That is always a good thing (no matter how insane he's being about it) Tell your DH what I would tell mine if he were bugging me about something "then take care of it" Seriously, if he is actually concerned and needs it validated then he needs to take care of it. Schedule and appointment to have him tested. Work with your son on his letters and counting. If he wants your help, have him come up with the game plan and you'll work with that.
