What to do in this situation?

I have twin b/g and a 2 yr. old son. When I'm feeding my twins (tandem) my ds tends to take his free hand and hit me on the shoulder and when my 2 yr old see this he says "no, Ryland don't hit mommy, it's not nice" so my 2 yr. old had recongnized this behavior as being bad. My 2 yr. knows he will go straight to time out for hitting, biting, kicking, etc. So what I've done is tell my 6 mo. that hitting is not nice (in front of my 2 yr. old) so that my son will see that I'm disciplining him, and then my twin boy will hit me again and my 2 yr old will say it again "no, Ryland don't hit mommy, it's not nice" and he looks at me like well, aren't you going to do anything about it. So I tell me my twin that it's not nice to hit and next time he will go to time out (which i never would b/c he's way too young and wouldn't understand) I just say it to prove something to my older son. At this time I reach under and hold my twins arm so he won't hit again. What do you ladies think about this? Am I handling this correctly? I feel like my son is kinda understanding the situation.



Another way would be to try to explain to ds who is 2 yrs that Ryland (my 6 mo. old) doesn't understand that hitting is not nice, but I feel like at the ripe age of 2 he wouldn't get it. I think that my 2 yr. old thinks hitting is bad. therefore, I need to step in and say something like I would if he hit someone. I feel like me discipling my twin boy and telling him that hitting isn't nice in front of my son will reap more benefits. I know my 6 mo. old doesn't understand a thing but my 2 yr. old seems to. What do you think?

 

I think the first way you are handling this issue is good. You won't actually punish your 6 mo but your 2 year old doesn't have to know that. It's hard to know what a 2year old will understand vs. what will confuse them.

You're doing a great job

 

QUOTE(bday111707 @ Apr 9 2008, 01:38 PM) [snapback]713898[/snapback]
I think the first way you are handling this issue is good. You won't actually punish your 6 mo but your 2 year old doesn't have to know that. It's hard to know what a 2year old will understand vs. what will confuse them.

You're doing a great job




Thank you! I thought I was handling this correctly. I mean I would never, ever, put my ds (6 mo old) in time out, but I feel I have to warn him and let him know what will happen if he continues, b/c this is what we do with my 2 yr old. I explained this to my friend and she said well, you shouldn't have to keep everything fair, but in this situation I feel that all discipline should be fair across the board. Right?! And trying to explain to a 2 yr old that my 6 mo .old isn't trying to be mean.....I really don't think he will get that??

 

Hi! TS doesn't allow duplicate posts so I moved your post from FY to 1-4 because I think these ladies will be able to advise you on your 2 year old. I only have the girls who are 13 months (tomorrow!) so I only know parenting up to that point! I hope the ladies here can give you some good advice. GL explaining to a 2 year old that a 6 month old doesn't know its wrong to hit (on the upside, at least your 2 year old knows this!!!).

 

Any other feedback??

 

Maybe you could tell your 2 year old that his brother is patting you not hitting you, that is a simple way to explain it. Or could you hold the baby's hand from the beginning to stop the situation from happening in the first place?

 

I think you are doing the right thing. Maybe you can also explain to your 2 year old that babies get time out in their crib/playpen/bouncy chair or wherever you usually put them for a few minutes while you tend to other things. That way, when you don't want your 2 year old to bother the baby, you can tell him, "Please don't go near the baby, he is in time out for hitting mommy earlier today." That way, you get the double benefit of having your 2 year old think the baby is in timeout and have him leave the baby alone for a while.

 

I would explain to the 2 year old, that his brother is a baby, and babies don't understand things like he does as a big boy. There are going to be many times when he thinks the little ones "get away" with something that he can't, when it is really because of what is developmentally appropriate for him. I wouldn't tell him that a baby is getting a time out--because you will find he will try and put the baby in time out, when he thinks the baby does something wrong.

Instead, I would concentrate on getting him to understand that babies have different rules than big boys, and when he was a baby he did the same thing as his brother because he didn't know better.

 

QUOTE(sharongl @ Apr 9 2008, 09:38 PM) [snapback]714363[/snapback]
I would explain to the 2 year old, that his brother is a baby, and babies don't understand things like he does as a big boy. There are going to be many times when he thinks the little ones "get away" with something that he can't, when it is really because of what is developmentally appropriate for him. I wouldn't tell him that a baby is getting a time out--because you will find he will try and put the baby in time out, when he thinks the baby does something wrong.

Instead, I would concentrate on getting him to understand that babies have different rules than big boys, and when he was a baby he did the same thing as his brother because he didn't know better.

This is what I would do too

 

I agree with Sharon -- somehow, I think you need to explain to your 2-year-old that babies don't understand that hitting is wrong. Soon, your baby will be crawling around and getting into all kinds of stuff, and then your 2-year-old will get all bent out of shape if you don't step in and discipline.

So, maybe just start explaining as best you can....

My 9-month-old likes to pull the corner pads off the fireplace, stick his fingers into outlets, play with springy doorstops, pull the handheld vacuum off the bottom shelf, pull down the kitchen towels, you name it. Every two minutes, my 4-year-old hollers, "MOM! Kevan is getting into trouble AGAIN!"

So, you see my point...

 

Thanks ladies! I had a 6 mo. well check for my twinkies and i asked my ped about this and he suggested that I just explain to my 2 yr. old that my littlest one is just patting me not hitting me. So tonight I tried it (ds-twin- was hitting me while b'feeding) and and my 2 yr. old took his hand and started to aggressively pat himself almost like he was showing an example of hitting himself and he said "see mama, I'm not hitting, I'm patting" And i said yes, good job, but you need to pat nice and more gentle. So we'll see where it takes us. It's all trial & error these days.

 

QUOTE(dmarie @ Apr 9 2008, 02:22 PM) [snapback]713862[/snapback]
I have twin b/g and a 2 yr. old son. When I'm feeding my twins (tandem) my ds tends to take his free hand and hit me on the shoulder and when my 2 yr old see this he says "no, Ryland don't hit mommy, it's not nice" so my 2 yr. old had recongnized this behavior as being bad. My 2 yr. knows he will go straight to time out for hitting, biting, kicking, etc. So what I've done is tell my 6 mo. that hitting is not nice (in front of my 2 yr. old) so that my son will see that I'm disciplining him, and then my twin boy will hit me again and my 2 yr old will say it again "no, Ryland don't hit mommy, it's not nice" and he looks at me like well, aren't you going to do anything about it. So I tell me my twin that it's not nice to hit and next time he will go to time out (which i never would b/c he's way too young and wouldn't understand) I just say it to prove something to my older son. At this time I reach under and hold my twins arm so he won't hit again. What do you ladies think about this? Am I handling this correctly? I feel like my son is kinda understanding the situation.
Another way would be to try to explain to ds who is 2 yrs that Ryland (my 6 mo. old) doesn't understand that hitting is not nice, but I feel like at the ripe age of 2 he wouldn't get it. I think that my 2 yr. old thinks hitting is bad. therefore, I need to step in and say something like I would if he hit someone. I feel like me discipling my twin boy and telling him that hitting isn't nice in front of my son will reap more benefits. I know my 6 mo. old doesn't understand a thing but my 2 yr. old seems to. What do you think?


I think I would maybe focus more on telling your 2 yr old that your twin is to young to understand that he is really doing something wrong. If you say you are going to give a time out and don't (and of course you wouldn't with a 6 mo old LOL) then your son will wonder why you give him a time out and not the baby. That could lead him to beleive you favor him I would think. I have to explain to my DD all the time that babies just don't get it yet. I tell her that she is responsible for her behavior as she knows right from wrong. I also explain to her that she gets to show them how to behave just like she does and what a wonderful thing that is for her. She feels like she has this great role to teach them things. But she knows for now, they will do things that she can't (hitting, pulling hair etc) because they just don't know any better. Mine are only 2 and half months old, but they pull hair a lot and she mentions that one to me. Now she knows and she just laughs about it. HTH

 

QUOTE(dmarie @ Apr 9 2008, 02:43 PM) [snapback]713915[/snapback]
Thank you! I thought I was handling this correctly. I mean I would never, ever, put my ds (6 mo old) in time out, but I feel I have to warn him and let him know what will happen if he continues, b/c this is what we do with my 2 yr old. I explained this to my friend and she said well, you shouldn't have to keep everything fair, but in this situation I feel that all discipline should be fair across the board. Right?! And trying to explain to a 2 yr old that my 6 mo .old isn't trying to be mean.....I really don't think he will get that??


I totally agree to some degree. Children will react to discipline differently. Like for instance time outs may be perfect for your DS, but they may not work at all for another child and taking something away may be better. Personalities are different, and sometimes you have to do what reaches their hearts better. Also while you are telling your 6 mo old you are going to put him in time out, you aren't really doing it, so that sends a message to your son that he gets time out and baby doesn't. I don't know, that is just my thoughts on the matter.

 

Hi
I would just take the baby's hand and gently rub it on my shoulder saying "nice mommy" Now my 18 month olds get the urge to smack something and walk up to me and say "nice" and pat me gently. That way the bigger kids know we are teaching the babies how to be nice.

 

QUOTE(sharongl @ Apr 10 2008, 01:38 AM) [snapback]714363[/snapback]
I would explain to the 2 year old, that his brother is a baby, and babies don't understand things like he does as a big boy. There are going to be many times when he thinks the little ones "get away" with something that he can't, when it is really because of what is developmentally appropriate for him. I wouldn't tell him that a baby is getting a time out--because you will find he will try and put the baby in time out, when he thinks the baby does something wrong.

Instead, I would concentrate on getting him to understand that babies have different rules than big boys, and when he was a baby he did the same thing as his brother because he didn't know better.

This. I think it could be counterproductive in the long run to encourage him to believe that the babies are held to the same discipline standards as big boys. You never know when that will bite you back. IMO, a 2-year-old is old enough to understand (even though it may frustrate him sometimes) that babies don't follow the same rules as big kids.