What to do about bad/foul language?

Well, the boys have picked out a couple of HORRIBLE words, and it is embarrasing to even talk about, but I need some advice...

My dad and DH have sailors mouths, and they do not always watch what they say around the boys. Well, they have picked up 'Oh F***!' and 'Bi**H' .. they haven't said that out in public yet, (thank god) just when they drop a toy or something. When they do say it, I say no that is a BAD word, don't say that! If they say it again, I put them in time out...

Is there anything else to do other than what I said?

Thanks In Advance!!

 

I Have no idea, all I know is my grandma uses some pretty bad words that ds has just picked up. Yesterday in the store he said "s**t". I about died, oh and now he is always saying "oh my God" in this really sarcastic tone...the child makes me crazy sometimes

 

If they can understand you then say no don't say that and drop it. Or just plain old distraction. My oldest dd only said a word or two once or twice. But dd #2 loved to say da*n it! She did say it at appropriate moments lol but of course we didn't want her to pick it up. We would say no no don't say that and then distract.

 

When K&K have picked up words I try not to make a big deal of it because then they will realize how bad it is and may have the opposite effect I am looking for. What I have done is give them alternate words to use, I would say we don't use that word we say _______ instead. The first one that comes to mind was Kayla learned to say Jesus Christ, I am not sure who she heard it from because it was not me but she had it in perfect context and perfect tone as someone who uses that when upset. I actually taught her to say ohh man and she was perfectly ok with that. I didn't make a big deal of it and neither did she!

 

We do the opposite of the pp, we make a HUGE DEAL! Something like "oh, no... we NEVER say those words! They are NOT nice and NOT okay to say!" and they get a time out. HTH!

 

I try not to make a big deal of it either. Mine have never said a really bad word, but they've said things I rather they wouldn't say. I always say "that's not a nice word, we don't use that word" and offer a suggestion of another word. For example, I don't like it when anyone uses the word "butt", so I always tell them to say "bottom" or "heiny".

Secondly, I would have a BIG talk with your dad and DH about their language. They really shouldn't use language like that in front of the kids. I would put a jar on the counter and make them put a dollar in there everytime they use a bad word in front of the kids. Put the money in the kids' savings accounts. Hopefully it will break them of the habit!

 

If they continue to hear their dad and grandfather say those words, then they probably won't stop. Their dad is probably their biggest role model, and they want to be just like him! If it were me, I'd have a heart to heart with my DH and the grandfather, then i'd do what the other pp's have said....just tell the boys a word to use instead of the bad one.

 

I agree that if Dad and DH are using the language, so will your boys. We teach by example. That being said, your boys are going to be exposed to language at school and on tv that you don't like. I lay out exactly which words we don't use in our house: Shut Up, Stupid etc. If you're going to go that route though...nobody should be able to say those words without consequences including your Dad and DH. I DO make a big deal of it and they are well aware that these are bad words that they should not use. They even tell me if they hear someone say it in a movie or somewhere. If it's an issue for you, make some changes. Don't allow the words in your house at all, and if someone does slip up, there should be a consequence. Since it's just starting, you should really try getting it under control quickly. Good luck!

 

quote:
I would put a jar on the counter and make them put a dollar in there everytime they use a bad word in front of the kids. Put the money in the kids' savings accounts. Hopefully it will break them of the habit!


Melissa that is a really good idea!! I think I saw that on super nanny once... I should have thought to do that then!!

Thank you all for the great advice.

 

I agree -- your first step really needs to be talking with your dad and your husband! My husband and I both have terrible potty mouths, but we've been working hard at reforming in front of the kids. (I admit I do still curse a blue streak with friends and coworkers!) My husband wasn't reforming as quickly as I was, but lately I've been pointing out to him how they repeat things we say when we're not even talking to them (like they'll be off playing in the corner, and I'll just hear them aimlessly repeating something I'm saying on the phone in the other room) and I think that opened his eyes bigtime. I told him I was NOT going to be the one who explained when one of my sweet darlings grinned and said "c***sucker" to my mother! LOL! So we have both straightened up.

So anyway, for the boys themselves I think you need to stricke a balance between calmly teaching them it's not appropriate and making too much of a big deal out of it, because we all know they like to do things just to push our buttons, LOL. I think Dianne's method of "we don't say ____, let's say ____ instead" can work well when there's not other people around cursing a lot. But I don't think it works well to say "we don't say _____ in our house" when they hear Daddy and Grampa saying it all the time, so you may have to resort to "disciplining" everyone when they use bad language, like with the change jar.

 

quote:
Originally posted by KYsweetheart:
Well, the boys have picked out a couple of HORRIBLE words, and it is embarrasing to even talk about, but I need some advice...

My dad and DH have sailors mouths, and they do not always watch what they say around the boys. Well, they have picked up 'Oh F***!' and 'Bi**H' .. they haven't said that out in public yet, (thank god) just when they drop a toy or something. When they do say it, I say no that is a BAD word, don't say that! If they say it again, I put them in time out...

Is there anything else to do other than what I said?

Thanks In Advance!!


Talk to your husband and dad. The fact is kids learn from the adults around them(or t.v) and if they are going to hear it spoken that is what they are going to speak. My husband and I got into a fight one night and my son heard us and my husband used the F word. He picked up on that so fast. The funny thing is that my husband and I are not ones who use bad language but as soon as he heard "the word" he took off with it. Let me tell you I Yelled at my husband for using that word because my son said it a few times. I made a extreme big deal about it with my son and my husband. That word is NOT allowed in the house by adults or kids. My grandmother tends to have a potty mouth and all three of my kids tell her to "stop using your potty mouth grandma". We even tell the kids the word stupid is a bad word. My grandmother uses that word alot and the kids say "your not suppose to talk like that grandma." They tell me I need to put grandma in timeout.

I think it is important to let the kids know how ugly some words are and that when adults use them they are wrong to use them. Personally I think it is okay for the children to remind the adults to stop using their potty mouths. Their little brains are soaking up so much and the truth is that they will learn the good parts of us and the bad parts of us as adults. Unfortuntly they seem to learn the bad parts so fast.

Talk to your dad and husband.

Cherie
Ramzie 6/8/00
Malena & Sofia 6/27/03

 

When my dd was little, there was a phrase that I would mumble under my breath starts with a D and end's with it.

When I caught her using it. I told her that it wasn't a good word and to try a different phrase, like darn it, or blast it, or shoot. Then I asked for her assistance. Whenever mommy used the word, to tell mommy that it wasn't a good word to use.

That seemed to really help her. I didn't make a big deal out of it, but I didn't ignore it either. She needed to know there were more appropriate words to use.

Although, since this is from other people, I'm not sure how the correcting of them would work out. I do like the money in the jar every time they swear.

 

quote:
Originally posted by BettiePage:
I agree -- your first step really needs to be talking with your dad and your husband! My husband and I both have terrible potty mouths, but we've been working hard at reforming in front of the kids. (I admit I do still curse a blue streak with friends and coworkers!) My husband wasn't reforming as quickly as I was, but lately I've been pointing out to him how they repeat things we say when we're not even talking to them (like they'll be off playing in the corner, and I'll just hear them aimlessly repeating something I'm saying on the phone in the other room) and I think that opened his eyes bigtime. I told him I was NOT going to be the one who explained when one of my sweet darlings grinned and said "c***sucker" to my mother! LOL! So we have both straightened up.

So anyway, for the boys themselves I think you need to stricke a balance between calmly teaching them it's not appropriate and making too much of a big deal out of it, because we all know they like to do things just to push our buttons, LOL. I think Dianne's method of "we don't say ____, let's say ____ instead" can work well when there's not other people around cursing a lot. But I don't think it works well to say "we don't say _____ in our house" when they hear Daddy and Grampa saying it all the time, so you may have to resort to "disciplining" everyone when they use bad language, like with the change jar.



Very good post & topic..


M