What things set off tantrums in your kids?

DH seems to think that our daughters have mental problems and that they are brattier than other children (as if he has had loads of experience with other kids, not).

I agree with him that they do have an awful large number of tantrums, and it certainly drives me crazy (though not as nutso as him) and tires me out, but my thinking is that they are toddlers and that's what toddlers do. He doesn't read anything that has to do with kids, whereas I come here, and read books and magaines on the subject.

So, here is the run down of what drives my children to have crying meltdows. Please let me know if they truly are being almost three year olds, or if I need to consult a shrink.

If a toy won't work exactly how they want (like the blocks they build come tumbling down or the toy animal won't fit into the car) they cry and scream until I help them.

If the blanket Mackenzie tries to put on her toys (and sometimes we are talking about itty bitty, teeny weeny toys) doesn't come up to their chest, not past it, or below it, she cries.

If I forget to bring a certain toy when we go out (the toy can change ervy day), they cry, and can't seem to understand that I don't have it and am not going back for it.

If they want something and I don't have it (last night one of them wanted a toy like her sister had, but I didn't have a second one) they will cry and just continue to say "please" over and over as if I can make it appear out of thin air.

Tehy cry and cream if they don;t have what they want in their crib, which every 15 minutes is something else. I've started to resort to CIO because I simply cannot take running up and down the stairs anymore.

They tantrum when mommy doesn't carry them in the store, even if we have a cart or the carraige with us.

Basically, they want what they want, when they want it. They have a difficult time understanding that mommy doesn't have a magic bag that things come out of.

I know a lot of it is of my own making, giving in to them just so I won't hear it. But they are also well behaved in public most times, can be reasoned with a lot of the time (before they wanted to go for a ride on a three horese carosel, but it was broken. I showed them the sign that said out of order and they were fine). I tell them to share and take turns, say "thank you, please, I'm sorry, excuse me" etc.

I would say that a good third of they day they are fighting with eachother, or one of them is having a tantrum.

SO, what do you think? Is it my fault, their fault, or normal? Please be honest!

 

I think they are perfectly normal! My sons all have their own quirks, that cause strife. Peyton throughs himself on to the floor if he can't get something to work the way he wants.

 

I would have to say most of what is setting off tantrums in your kids also set my kids off.

"Mommy, my doggie fell down. (this while I'm driving). WAH! I dropped my doggie mommy. " sometimes I can reach it and other times I can't reach it unless I stop and I'm not stopping for some doggie.


The tantrums and perpetual whining and living for one crisis after the next (however small and petty the crisis is) = my life too. But some of that like you said, us moms bring on ourselves. We don't always demand that they use "Nice happy voices".

I have started to "crack down" on the attitude. I say, you sound sour like vinegar. YUK> (on the 1st day I gave them a taste of apple cider vinegar). Then I said, I want you to sound sweet like honey (give taste of honey). now all i have to say is you are sounding sour like vinegar and I don't like it. Please change your attitude and ask again nicely.

Now for the producing duplicate toys out of thin air: A is playing with it right now. When she is done, you may have a turn. Or I may encourage the toy-bearer to share with the toy-coveter.

But totally i understand how you feel -- nearly crazy most days. I just feel some people have deep emotional capacities - they feel everything deeply and so maybe this is how one or both of our kids are at this stage and we just have to teach them how to manage their emotions.

 

I think your kids are normal. Brianne is the queen of tantrums. My DH has thought that Brianne had mental problems too. Sometimes you can do nothing for her. She wants help, she doesn't. She is so much better now. No real advice just know that you are not alone and nothing is wrong with your kids.

 

All of those are totally normal things for 2-year-olds to flip out over! Toddlers flip out; that's what they do, LOL! It's our job as moms and dads to help guide them through this period so they can learn to control their impulses and their emotions. They don't come out of the womb magically knowing how to be model citizens -- it's something we have to teach them in partnership!

Bottom line is, no of course your children don't have mental problems. None of the things you listed seems out of the ordinary for a child of their age. That said, clearly it's something that we want to help them get past and work with them to learn better coping methods.

 

Thank GAWD! Mine aren't the only ones. Emily cries and Amber gets straight up MAD. This morning, I ask Amber if she wanted a cereal bar for breakfast...."NO NO MOMMY! ARGH!!! (whine...cry...)" What the heck?!?! Prior to me simply asking that question, she was fine and watching Wiggles. We've so been at our whits end the past couple weeks with this. I'm beginning to learn how to better handle Amber's melt downs. Emily is fairly easy to calm right now, but Amber.....I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself the way she flies off the handle. I have learned though to not entertain the fits much nor try to hard to please them. I give them a chance to let me know what it is they need or want and if they would prefer to go ape, then I let them within reason and then calmly ask them if they are finished. They usually tell me yes or no. Like I said, I usually let them go at it within reason to kind of get it off their chest then I let them know that if it continues, they'll go to the corner. (they don't like the corner and that's been sufficient for us so far) They know that Mommy will put them there so usually they knock it off. If they keep it up though, I calmly take their hand and walk them to the corner or carry them if they aren't willing and I sit them down and make sure they stay. So far, I've not had to chase them down and put them back there, but I'm sure that'll come sooner or later. I make them sit there usually til they calm down a bit then I walk to them, bend down and tell them that I love them and that they can't be ugly....being ugly is not nice and is not acceptable. Do they understand? Not much, but eventually, if not already, they make the connection that they can't get away with acting like that and the hope is that the behavior will subside to some extent. Of course, they're still little ones, so I've a feeling that it's going to be a long year.

 

I would say perfectly normal for the age. And you say what sets your kids off, I would say at that age wot set my two off would be "ANYTHING"



amanda

 

:laughing: Yep, they all sound NORMAL! 2 yr olds want what they want, they want it now and they want it to do what they want it to do. If not all of those conditions are met then you'll have a screaming toddler. (And for the record I think all toddlers do have mental problems!!!)

 

I feel better now, AND I am printing all of this out for Dh to see.

We just went to the lake, and there were almost a couple meltdown moments when They wanted to to carry them and I wouldn't, since I broguht the wagon and had the dog with us. I gave them options and stuck to them. Either walk or go in the wagon, or we go home. I guess I just need to continue to be tough (while picking and choosing my battles. Peyton instisted on sitting on the floor rather than the couch to put her sneakers on. Whatever, as long as they get on).

Thanks again!

 

Okay although everything you mentioned sounds completely normal, this is a very formative age. Yes it is completely normal for them to have meltdowns over the littlest thing, how you react to them now will determine how long this "phase" lasts. The only quirk I give into of Nathan's is his bed critters. He has 2 he sleeps with and one goes on one side of his head and the other goes on the other side. Which one goes where changes daily. I ask him where he wants them before we lay down and that is that. If he wants them somewhere else he can move them himself, but mommy is done. He also wants the blanket pulled up to their chins. To me this is one of those "pick your fights" and this isn't one I feel needs to be fought. Pick which behaviors you are willing to give into and to what degree and which ones you are not. Then the trick is to do the routine BEFORE the meltdown. If you take a toy everytime you go out, you could have a basket of "car" toys that they can each pick one from so they will definitely have the toy of choice at the moment. You might want to stock this basket with the toys you have duplicates with. Before they get into bed at night let them pick which nighttime toy they want and make it well known they get 1 choice and they can choose something else tomorrow if they change their mind. They are old enough to walk in a store, stop carrying them. Be firm on this one and they will forget mommy ever used to give in when they screamed about it. One thing that really helped us was that our timeout location at home was a wall. Any wall anywhere in the house they had "nose on wall". Guess what every store has, tons of walls. We have had to put their nose on a wall in public once or twice (mainly while eating out). They don't like having to do it in public so a threat of it usually gets their attention. These are just a few of my experiences and how we have curbed temper tantrums at my house.

 

I think its perfectly normal.

My DH was getting really short tempered with the kids because it always seemed like someone was crying, throwing a fit, yelling, begging, etc. So I told him to do this. Just think about how only ONE acts during the day. The acts of just ONE of the children dont add up to much each day. Its when you have 2 (and we have 3 that do this) that it seems like so much more.

I also think about this when I am the one getting frustrated: This won't last forever. Hopefully when they are teenagers they wont whine, cry, piss, b!tch and moan about every little thing because they would have all gotten it out already.

I sure do hope I am right! LOL!

 

Definitely normal! They get frustrated at that age because they know what they want they just don't know how to get it not do they understand that sometimes just because they want something doesn't mean it's going to happen. It's a tough age - but mine still whine when they can't get something to work how they want it, or can't have something that they want.

Hang in there and know that your kids are 100% normal!

 

Everything you posted sounds so familiar! My boys just freak out when they get frustrated. It is compounded when they have a lack of sleep as well.
Hang in there!!!

 

Yep, I agree, sounds like my kids. And my DH. :blink:

 

Oh Puh-lease!! That is so typical toddler behavior. I'd be much more concerned if they didn't throw fits like that and acted content all the time. We have just reached the age where I can reason with them a little bit when they have irrational tantrums. I still remember when my boys were about two and a half, they were at a playdate with twin boys a few months older than them. We were at the other kids' house when Ben had a COW because the toy car he was playing with wouldn't fit inside a toy garage. The fit lasted almost half an hour and the other parent was starting to give me this look like, "what is WRONG with your kid?!" He has always been high strung about things like that. I am happy to say that the tantrums have died down now that we can reason with him and encourage him to talk things out. Also, Grandma bought him a toy garage with cars that fit in it so he could practice his parking skills .

 

That is sooooo normal - well at least in my house. Lastnight Riley was carrying around a full size pillow and putting it on the ground and jumping on it. Happy as can be - than she layed it by me and I put my head on it and she flipped out - she started screaming and pushing my head off of the pillow. That was just an example there are alot more things that happen just like that.

 

I could have written your post! I think it's completely normal. Teribble Twos right? Mine do all of those types of things, too. Sometimes Heather will throw herself on the floor and scream and cry for an hour for NO REASON! It's maddening!

You're not alone and I don't think your kids are crazy!

 

What causes tantrums in our house:

I turn off Elliot's nightlight in the morning and he wanted to do it.
DH goes in to get Elliot up in the morning and he wanted me.
I pick Clarissa up and put her in her car seat (after giving her 5 minutes to climb in without help and she just plays and doesn't get in even though she can)
I carry them down the stairs because they are SO slow going down on their own and the phone is ringing.
I go to the bathroom and shut the door and don't let them in.
I go to the bathroom and take them with me and shut the door, but they want to get out.
I give Clarissa the blue bowl instead of any other color (blue ALWAYS has to go to Elliot)
I give Elliot the purple bowl instead of any other color (purple ALWAYS has to go to Clarissa)
I pull Elliot off of Clarissa as he is tackling her and making her cry.
I refuse to pick up the stuffed animals they have thrown in the car after the 10th time.
I join in when Elliot starts to sing a song (Mama NO SING!)
I breathe
My heart beats
etc.

You get the idea.

Redirecting rarely helps in my house, so tantrums just have to run their course.

And then at least Elliot, when he's all done crying and screaming (and throwing things and banging his head on the floor) says "I OK now", and it's all over.

-Rachel

 

I'm just disappointed to see that these things are still going on close to 3 yrs. Ay-yi-yi!
Bea is the queen of the tantrum of ridiculous things. She likes her dolls and stuffed animals to "Sit Up" and watch her eat at the table, and if they fall over, it's the end of the world. We also have the tantrums because they didn't get the proper color bowl or cup, I wouldn't let them bring (insert random object here) with us, I'm sitting in the wrong place, I crossed my legs (this is Bea's thing), DH took his shoes off, you get the idea.