What the H is going on??

I dont really know who else to turn to, since I hate calling people just to bitch and complain.

Im really and truly at my wits end. Im sure some of this has to do with being preggo and the amount of hormones running through me.

3 months ago, we moved to PA from NJ. We already lived on the opposite side of Jersey, away from my whole family. But, DHs job is in Philly, and I never would make him leave a place hes happy with. We had to buy a bigger place, and about the same time, his parents needed some assistence. My MIL is in late stages of MS. She is bound to a wheelchair. My FIL is in his mid 70's, has health problems of his own, and they finally admitted to needing some help. We searched over 2 plues years for the right place for all of us...something that had 2 residences, or maybe one we could build onto. We even started looking for land to build a whole new house. I was excited about that, since there is no chance of really leaving this one, it is our forever house. I could build a home with all the things necessary to us, raising a family, and to them, making it all customed to fi thier needs.

At this time we had decided to expand to look in PA. I tried talking DH into looking at jobs closer to my family, so I coul dat least have someone close to me. At the time, he was in limbo where he was and wasnt sure (HE wasnt) he was being appreciated. He had discussions with his boss, who gave him a raise. So inevitably, he kept with them, and we looked in PA. The agent expanded the searches of land to include homes with suites. He came upon this one. The suite is big, and very accomodating for my MIL. It has a large piece of land and great schools for them to attend. On the other hand, it had none of the things I really desired in a forever house. I have very bad arthritis...its degenrative and I am on meds daily for it. My requests were simple. A laundry room on the first floor (no basements steps) and a soaking tub easy enough to get in and out of (I cant get out of the regular ones b cause of the weak joints), as I take my baths on the days I have bad flare ups. NONE of these things were in the home...BUT, the house was big, and enough for all of us to be comfortable. Plus, with all the searching we did, it was the best for them. How could I say no?? So, now Im here, farther from everyone I know, family, friends, etc., living with special care inlaws, 2 year old toddlers, NOTHING is set up yet, so we are just going by the wayside, and a baby coming soon.

Im depressed. I know that these may not seem like real issues to some people that actually have issues. But Im lonely. I have made some friends, but its not the same. The house is something we will be forever working on to get where we want it, which is alos something I never wanted to do again...we just spent a lot of our money on reasonably furnishing it, and adding a room, for extra privacy. Tonight at the furniture store, all DH could think about was money, and how much we spent. DO I like the house? Yes, its fine, but i keep thinking if we built, or looked more, would all that money not have needed to be spent? Could I be closer to my family?

I am in college as well, stuck in the house most days. Sick from being pregnant, and dealing with one son whose melt downs just keep getting worse and worse. I cry daily.

Believe it or not, I am happy. I have a good husband, and wonderful kids. He helps out, and we have a good marriage. But I keep trying to tell myself thats enough and I should be happy.

If you made it this far, thank you. Please tell me Im crazy and to shutup if you must, but Im at the edge...Im screaming at my kids (Its warrented mind you) but Im not that kind of mom usually. I deal with contractors and all these decisions that I shouldnt have to make. Plus, now DH has to split his time helping them get here and settled.

I love my inlaws, they are great people. But I have never lived with anyone but my family and DH...

*sigh*

Thank you ladies, for listening to me.

 

I just wanted to send u a big hug!! I cannot imagine wot u are going thru.

Please take care



amanda (jorja and jessica 3)

 

Hun, with all that you are going thru, you are allowed some crazy time. Please do not feel the need to justify how you feel or what your trying to do to cope.

There is nothing, absolutly nothing, worse than the feeling of loneliness, add to it all the hormones and changes in your life, not to mention the chronic pain, life is bound to feel pretty sh^&y right now depsite all the blessings you have.

Is there a rec center with a whirlpool tub close by, or a gym, so you can get some relief?

I hope you reach that light at the end of the tunnel soon.

 

Thank you guys so much. I know that I come here for good reasons. I know there are so many other mommies here with harder problems then mine. Latley DH has been pushed and pulled in all directions, so i cant imagine this is easy for him either.

Its harder for me to cope with his bad moods (like tonight) when all this is happening.

Sometimes I think we would have been better off staying where we were (even though it really wasnt possible). There is also not much money to change things, I.E move the washer, dryer, and finish the basement for a recroom for them...and also putting in that soaking tub. He says it will all happen eventually, but eventually is hard for me to think of when Im having these issues now.

I think, once all is said and done, I will be insisting on a hotub for outside. Even if i can get a used one, I dont care. Maybe me insisting and being that bitchy wife (which I never said Id be) is the only way to get things done.

Thanks again for all your help. You have all been so great.

 

Oh wow. What a huge time you're having. You poor thing. It sounds like everything is happening at once.

When I was nine weeks pregnant with our girls, I couldn't organise my way out of a paper bag, let alone think about a major move with toddlers and parents in law to a place where you don't know anyone. Your husband sounds like he has a lot on his plate, too. Good luck with finding a hot tub; it sounds like a medical necessity. I had juvenile arthritis until I was about fifteen (mild compared to yours, but the winter flare-ups sometimes kept me home from school). I don't know how I would have coped without a bath.

Take care of yourselves - we're all barracking for you!

Cheers

Tania

 

Hey, have you looked on Craig's List for a used hot tub? Or even a sitter for a day or 2 of time to concentrate on one thing at a time, like finding a Dr. who will help you get your insurance to pay for massages and hot tub/hot springs treatments. Or even a handy man to help you move that washer/dryer for you since you DH is so busy, it may help, and be worth paying for, the relief of having that done for him and you.

Just a thought...good luck!

 

Wow, you are going through a lot and deserve to be able to vent! I agree with pp about looking on craigslist...you never know what you might find.
Thinking of you and sending good thoughts!

 

Sending your way!! Its tough having so much on your plate at once.

 

I am sorry you are going through so much. Your allowed to feel upset you have alot going on and being only 9 weeks pregnant and all the hormones its no wonder. I hope you get some relief soon. hang in there Hun... there is a silver lining somewhere to be found.

 

these are from everyone here who surrounds you.. and the single ones are from me.. i know what its like to be lonely.. even sharing my everything with someone..

pm me if you need to talk.. - dont be afraid to take me up on the offer..

ps.. you will be fine.. i have faith..

im prayin for ya..