What my DH said

In the past I posted about my over populated house issue and I posted a update today. Well feeling like I really needed to clear the air with my husband on the topic of our “house guest/freeloader.” I was trying to be as honest as I could and I told him that with both of us wanting and needing to sell the house and his working nights and one day only being home for like 8 hours (which are spent sleeping) I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed. I feel like I am constantly falling over someone or something (houseguest has started throwing clothes on my DS’s floor) and I cant get my house clean. I feel like a prisoner in a bachelor pad! I can’t imagine how I will ever get it clean again let alone keep it clean for showings. So he tells me he will get the house clean and keep it clean (not I will get the freeloader out) and then focuses on my saying I am feeling stre4sed and overwhelmed and says “I am sorry you are having Mental problems” I almost drove my truck into on coming traffic I was so shocked MENTAL PROBLEMS!!!! I told him I didn’t have mental problems and he said “if you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed yes you do” need less to say this is not how I saw the conversation going and I was so horrified I just stopped talking. Before going to work he apologized and swore he didn’t mean it that way but I don’t know how else he could mean it and I just have nothing to say right now…..am I over reacting?

 

Communication breakdown! You two need to go somewhere for an hour and really talk about this whole house guest thing. No you're not overreacting, but men do say some silly things sometimes - most of the time they mean something very different.

 

Unfortunately he is a guy and probably just doesn't get it. Foot in mouth syndrome. Your husband reminds me of my brother-in-law which had a total of 3 freeloads move in with them and their kids. My sister put an end to that... never again. Found out the last guy was shooting up heroin outside the house but had used needles in the room he was staying in, that the kids could have got a hold of. They freaked... we all freaked and he was out within 30 minutes. He was a guy we knew most of our life... crazy. So at least that is not your case I had friends stay with me and they over stepped their boundaries and that was it they were out. My house was like a freakin hostile. Never again. Your husband has the nice guy syndrome but he needs to put his family first and consider stability is essential to have in kids lives. Lay it down and say he has to go or you will until he figures out what is important... be the man, the good guy, to a friend or be a husband and father, which is more important? It is not like you do not want to help him out but when it becomes disruptive and the guest is unappreciative and over stepping there grounds... you have to draw the line and do what is best for you and your family. I have been there and I know how you feel. I do not let any of my friends stay here because of that reason alone. When a boundary is crossed it is really hard to get it back.

Good luck!!! Stick to your guns.

 

IMO, I think men say things like that to be condescending, and to shut us up. And no, you are not over-reacting.

 

You have a right to feel the way you do. But I think he feels some stress as well. You two need a break and somewhere to have a chat.

 

QUOTE(girls! @ Feb 12 2008, 12:37 AM) [snapback]617379[/snapback]
Communication breakdown! You two need to go somewhere for an hour and really talk about this whole house guest thing. No you're not overreacting, but men do say some silly things sometimes - most of the time they mean something very different.



My thoughts exactly. Men say the dumbest things sometimes!

 

I would try to just be direct and tell him that you want the houseguest to be gone. Men don't always get the hint, so telling him you can't keep the house clean and you are stressed may not be getting through to him that you want this guest to go away.

 

Change the locks!!!!

Just kidding

But seriously, maybe a third party may be able to get the point across to your husband. Either that or make him start sharing a room with the free loader.

 

QUOTE
You have a right to feel the way you do. But I think he feels some stress as well.


Ditto this. My dh will say smarta$$ remarks every now and then, but will apologize. Your DH knew he messed up by saying that.

 

I know you must be very irritated and I am so sorry to say this, but I just cracked up laughing at that post! Surely he just really worded his thought poorly. I agree-total communication breakdown. But you're not over-reacting. Even if that's not what he meant, he deserves a slap for wording it incorrectly