What is your day like w/ your 2-year-old twins?

Hi there,

I don't post often and have not for a really long time. I used to all of the time when I was pregnant, but now time just disappears!

Anyway, my twins turned 2 11/6 and I think they have won the battle. I feel like my entire day is yelling and telling them not to do something. I was a teacher and I know all about praising the positives, but there just are not all that many and when I do praise the positives it does not seem to work... I read a book recently that was pretty much useless except for opne line... "twins are more likely to want to gain approval from one another than from the parent(s)." This is how I feel... They are only interested in entertaining or annoying one another, they do not care if i approve and prefer that I do not. They do enjoy gaining approval from their older sister who enjoys getting them going.

I remember people telling me in the first year forum that it would get easier... It never did... It changed and became less overwhelming, but honestly right now is SO much worse than it was when they were new!

I have one twin who is super aggressive and one who is only mildly aggressive, but I feel like I am always getting pinced, bitten hit hair pulled, the list goes on... and on.... I have tried time out, talking, showing the mark they made. You name it, I have tried it... Nothing seems to work or help.

I am a patient person, or at least I used to be. I taught kids w/ behavior disorders and never lost my patients... I no longer resemble any part of myself. I love my kids, regardless of their behaviors, but something has to change. I am at the end of my rope and I need help!

Sorry this is such a downer... I appreciate your words of wisdom!

 

This will either make you laugh or make you cry. :lol:
My topic from 2 weeks ago You are so not alone. Raising twins is very hard. And just when you think you are starting to get the upper hand, they go and throw you a curve ball and you just want to drop to your knees. :gah:

I found and find that in order to maintain my sanity we must get out. We go somewhere pretty much everyday. Maybe just to the park or to get coffee, but I need to break up the day or we will all go crazy. When they turned 2 we started 1-2-3 Magic. A timeout system for discipline. They didnt get it right away, but it does work.

Hang in there. We are right there with you! :hug:

 

:hug: I SO feel for you. I could have written your post. I don't think it started getting easier for me until about 3 or 4 months ago. My kids just turned 4 on 11/9. I think the first year...it will get better pertains to the sleeping issue only. Once they hit 12 months and start to be mobile, look out! First year of sleep deprivation was a cake walk for me compared to year 2 and 3.

Drowning? yes, negative ranting manic? yes Lost all patience? yes Feel like I've tried everything and nothing works? yes, Feel a bit resentful towards the one that makes it just that much harder and pushes you off the edge? yes I could go on and on.

how did I survive? I have no idea. talk it out, don't lose your friends and just keep trying. Try to go out and have time for yourself as well as time with your dh.

I'm sorry.

 

:hug: I feel your pain. We have good days and really bad days... and they always take the worst out on me. Add in an impending divorce and all of their associated acting out... and it's just crazy around here right now.

It's really, really hard sometimes, but :youcandoit:

 

I am dealing with this right now and I have to remind myself that they are BOTH 2 1/2 and even though Ana pushes my buttons intentionally and riles up Meara, she is 2 1/2. It reminds me of the line in Olivia when her mother is tucking her in at night "I love you even though you wear me out." (I think thats line- its the gist anyway).

I also agree with Rachel and get my girls out every day. Sometimes its a trip to BJs (the pretzel guy knows us well!), and sometimes its a couple hours at the park so they can burn off their energy. :hug:

 

I agree with this completely! In ways this age is ALOT worse. It is definately trying on your patience.

Things I would recommend:

1.) I recently read 1-2-3 Magic and would also recommend it. It takes the emotion out of the disciplining which I needed. I was becoming a major yeller and still struggle with it at times, but after reading the book I can step back and remember there is another way to do it.

2.) Like others said, get out of the house! We are really involved in a moms group now and things are so much better for us. It gives us stuff to do, kids they can play with and moms I can talk too. BUT most importantly, it breaks up our day and gets us out of the house!!

3.) Routine/Structure to your day. When we do have a day where we are not going anywhere, I try to stay as structured as possible. We have a routine for the most part, but we had "dead time" in that routine. I am getting better about being aware of the dead time and filling it with plenty of activities, music time, story time, outside play, etc...

4.) Just be CONSISTENT!! Overall, I can say the more consistent I am (and DH) the easier/smoother things go around here. If they know what to expect and that you will not budge, they will start to get the picture.

:hug: to you. Hang in there! This is a difficult age.

 

Thank you everyone! I needed some reassurance that others were in the same boat! I feel like I used to be such a patient and great mom to my 5 year old and now I feel like I have less than no patience, and all I do is yell. AND yelling makes me feel guilty and like a terrible mom because I philosophically disagree with yelling at kids, I never yelled at my Behavior Disordered students... I find it only escalates the behavior and here I am yelling at my own kids!

I guess another wrinkle in this is that I have a home daycare as well. Since going back to work seemed financially impossible I decided I should use my education somehow, so here I am stuck in my house with my kids and at least 2 more every day! We do have a pretty regular routine, but our activity structure is relatively loose. Our Day looks like this:
8:00 - Breakfast (OPK arrive between 7:30 & 8:30)
9:00 - Free Play (w/ me in the playroom playing with them of course)Usually includes reading, singing & signing
9:30 - Movement/Music
10:00 - Snack
10:30 - Activity Time
11:00 - Free Play
11:30 - Lunch
12:15 - Nap
2:30 - Snack
3:00 - Outside or Active play (depending on Weather)
4:30 - Clean Up Game
5:30 - Dinner (OPK leave between 4:30 & 5:30)

Anyway, I feel like we do have a structure, but that maybe we are outgrowing some of what we are doing? I have added Arts/Crafts into the mix and sometimes it works and other times my walls are covered with "art". This displeases me... I used to be able to let my daughter sit at the table & color while I made dinner or went to the bathroom and she would be fine... They are NOT fine! The last time I let them color while I used the bathroom they had colored on EVERY wall in the playroom... Not just a little I mean the walls were completely covered w/ crayon! I was in the bathroom for less than a minute! How is this possible??? Obviously I have not left them alone w/ crayons since, but come on!!! I feel like the only time I can use the bathroom is when they are sleeping... Anyone else feel that you can't leave them alone for even a second??? I hate to even leave to room to get the phone if it rings!

I am going to get the 1-2-3- magic book tonight... Is there a video also or just a book? I tried the Happiest Toddler on the block & found that to be completely useless so I gave up on books, but I think I will give this one a shot!

 

I think there is a video, too. I read Happiest Toddler on the Block also. Although I did understand his logic and the reasons why you should stick with short, simple commands with toddlers, I didn't see much of any results and didn't stick with his way of doing things for long. I guess I just wasn't finding the "sweet spot". :unknw:

As far as crayons.....I can let me DD color all day long and she does really well. DS on the other hand is a whole different story. The only thing I can suggest is Crayola Wonder Magic Markers/fingerpaints, etc... They are virtually mess free.

 

See the color wonder never did us any good at that age - they tried to eat the fingerpaints and got frustrated that the markers never showed up on the entire page.. I had the same problem in that my twins were just fine with crayons and some paper, but give a crayon to my son and he'll find a million different ways to either eat/smear/break/smash/throw whatever.. Same thing with food. The twins we could leave at their little table when they were two, they would eat, clean their plates and be done. My son on the other hand has to THROW his food, feed it to the dog, mash it in his hair.... you get the idea.

Do you own your house? If so, how about painting one wall of the playroom with chalkboard paint?? That way they can color all they want, and all you have to do is erase!

I DEFINETLY agree with you that 'it does not get any easier' and I don't know WHY people even bothered to say that! When they were babies, you could quite them down by rocking them or feeding them... Now, if they are upset they will whine, fuss, cry, fit until they either fall asleep on their own or we figure out what's bothering them and get it for them. the climbing, not listening, egging each other on... ya this age is DEFINETLY more difficult so I hear ya there.


I feel like we spend the majority of our time yelling and putting in T.O. as well. But one thing I notice, when we're out in public everyone praises us on how well behaved our children are (All 3 are under 3 years old, there's 18 months between the twins and my son) so we must be doing something right! DH says he feels guilty that we either say 'NO', are yelling at them to stop, or putting them in T.O. all the time. But to that, I say that if we didn't do that they would really be little hellians, that at this age they are still learning their boundaries. If we don't teach them, they don't know and the only way to teach them is to thell them they either can or can't, and most of the time it's can't (climb the furniture, etc)

Good luck, but know that you are NOT alone!

 

Oh man, I am right there with you! Mine are 2.5yo and almost everyday is a nightmare...haha...I have gotten used to it, but some days are over the top (like yesterday...woah). My DD is not aggressive at all, and DS is VERY VERY aggressive. She is always getting picked on - pushed, hit, and pinched. One time and almost twice, he pushed her down the stairs because 'she was taking too long'. I admit 4 days out of the week I lose my cool with them, as in, I become the mommy I never wanted to be - the yelling kind They get to me...I try not to show it because it makes it worse but two 2 year olds can just be so overwhelming! I don't have to tell you that though...I wish I had advice, but I am in the thick of it too and am looking for a little advice myself!! Just wanted to let you know you are not alone!!

 

I went out and got 1-2-3 Magic today... I have started reading, but not much as they kids are all still awake. I am hoping that this will work because I am litterally hanging on by a thread! I feel comepletely trapped by them and have very few times when I actually enjoy them, all 3 of them... I hate the fact that when I hear them laughing I know they are doing something they shouldn't be doing. I remember the days when hearing them laigh was music to my ears not cause for alarm... Here's hoping the book works!

 

:drinks:

Consistency is key with 1-2-3 and the no talking, no emotion. :youcandoit: