What is wrong with my twins?

My twins are so emotional- they cry about everything. They scream and cry, clawing at me when they both want to be held. They cry is they don't want to get in the car, don't want to be away from me (when I need to work - from home), everything. I was a nanny and feel like the kids I took care of were never like this. I want my kids to be happy and grow up okay - but I also don't (and can't) always give in to everything they want. I need to have a procedure done on my heart soon that will leave me unable to lift them for a week. I can't even imagine how that will work because they always want me. My husband and are I are so stressed out, and we think it's brushing off on the boys.

What am I doing wrong? How can I make things better?

 

How old are they? They sound like they are 18-24 months? In which case, they sound pretty normal to me! That was a tough age for my boys. Not good enough at talking yet to really express themselves, but old enough to know what they want. Not quite coordinated to do what they want, but old enough to know what they want to do. And just starting to realize that there are options and they want to be the ones deciding. They were frustrated and it came out as constant crying, whining and wanting my attention. It was hard for all of us.

My first suggestion is to present things as choices. For instance, "We are going to the store. Do you want to get in the car yourself or have me help you?" Don't offer a choice that you aren't willing to give.

I'm sure that your being stressed is not helping. I know when I'm tired and have no extra energy it does rub off on my boys. My other suggestion is to take some time for yourself. If there's any way you can get a break and recharge, I'm sure it'll help you (and them by extension). Your kids will be fine. They will grow up and be well adjusted -- you aren't doing anything wrong!

 

thanks ellen. they are 21 months (didn't realize I lost my signature). I think we need to have a more consistent time out rule, etc. I get so exhausted, they beat me down! I love them so much - I just want to be able to enjoy this time.

 

Yes, this sounds normal for 21 month-olds. I used to give them options like Ellen said and to a certain extent you do need to start putting your foot down or they are going to run you down.

I also am a firm believe that kids react to your feelings-- by this I mean if you are stressed out-- the kids DO sense that and start to play off of that. If I were you and DH I would come up with a plan to try and minimize the stress.

Another thing I learned is that when they get really clingy and whiny they are desperately seeking our attention and I really have to stop what I am doing and get down on their level and just play or hold them. I know this is easier said then done.

Good luck. :hug99:

 

Our two go through phases when they're exactly like your boys - usually they take it in turns to have a difficult phase so we're kind of lucky. And they do pick up on the emotional temperature at home

You sound as if you've got some good advice from pp. I just wanted to add that I think children are often different with their parents and with their childminder/nanny. Our childminder always says they've been happy little angels for her most of the day - even when they were in the worst, clingy crying mood with us in the morning.

I haven't worked out whether it's because it feels safe to kick off with parents as they definitely won't be rejecting. Or whether it's because they want more from parents - attention all the time etc - which is impossible to provide even with a singleton and doubly so with twins. Sometimes it's probably just that she gets them for their best times (not evening or early morning!). Somehow the whole emotional temperature seems calmer at the childminders even though I'm a pretty calm person.

I guess what I'm saying is to try not to compare between your charges as a nanny and your own boys at this difficult age. Also, I think that my two cry more than my friends' singletons just because they don't get their needs met as quickly or such a high degree of 1 to 1 time. It makes me feel sad, but I try to remind myself of the advantages to being a twin - playmate, company etc.

Hang in there and I hope the procedure goes smoothly and things settle for you guys.
lisa

 

Yep, sound like normal 21-month olds to me (either that or I've got your EXACT same problem)


I think Ellen gave you some great insight on this stage.


We have found there are certain situations that set off their whiney/neediness. For example, the SECOND we step into the kitchen to start fixing a meal they are hanging on us, whining, crying, etc.

They really just want to be able to be in on the action. Sometimes it's tough luck, sometimes we'll pick them up and let them watch us do something. Sometimes I'll set them up in their high chairs and wheel them over to the prep/sink area to 'help' me cook.

Hang in there...this will pass eventually (and then we'll regret we complained about it when we discover the challenges of the next phase)