What is he thinking?

I bought the paint two months ago and I was after him to clean out the room for days...take down the queen size bed, sort through the closet since a majority of the stuff in that closet was his...etc. Finally got him to start painting. On Thursday of last week, he finally started to paint. I got the ceiling and the window frames. Then Saturday. he promised he would get right on it...at 3:30 he started painting the rest of the trim and the walls. We had to be somewhere at 6. Yesterday, it was more important for him to file stuff in the office and for some reason it took him ALL day. Today, he was home from work and told me that he would work on it today...I got home from work and there he was on his perch, goofing around on his laptop. The room still isn't finished. AARRRGGGG...does he ot understand that while I have 5 weeks before the scheduled c-section....the room needs to get finished. Is he not excited about the boys? The way he talks to people he is, but when it comes to preparing he doesn't act like he wants to do it. I am trying to be nice and patient, but this very pregnant lady is going to loose it soon.

 

It can be frustrating when you want DH to do something on your schedule and he is on his schedule. I know, my DH and I have completely different meanings about when something should be done (I was the one at 36 weeks pregnant who installed the car seats after he kept blowing me off) Have you talked to him about how you feel and expressed your concern that the room is not done yet. Maybe add in there, I would like to add my own personal touches before the end of pregnancy when I might not be feeling up to it. :hug: to you!

 

The 'Five Love Languages' book recommends praising the husband for any work that he does even if it's the farthest thing from what you want him to do... and then the praise is supposed to motivate him to do other things ... not sure if it will work though! lol I would be going crazy too. I mean, what if you are on bedrest the last couple of weeks. Then you lose even more time! If it were me ... I'd be inviting ppl over to help work on the babies room at this point. I'm already crazy about getting the room together, but because we are expecting my dh's dad at the end of July we have a bed set up in the babies' room. So it will be longer than I wanted to wait.........



GOOD LUCK!

 

Totally understand your feelings....I am trying my best to keep it together myself..because you can see how far along I am..which means really I can go in at any given time.My husband as well seems so proud when he is on the phone talking to others about this pregnancy but I have been the one doing all of the research on parenting (this is both of ours 1st pregnancy) I have been the one to make sure that I have all the essencials (crib,carseats,diaperbags,clothes,toys,you name it) because he is the bread winner for the home his only job (shall I say) was to stock up on the diapers...he & his sister (whom volunteered to get diapers & us a cosco/sams membership card) were to get the diapers and they have not done that yet. My husband is always on the computer almost obsessed with his job...and to top it all off he decides that now is a good time for him to laungh(SP?) off his own business with plans of leaving his job (a job that alot of people get turned down & try to work for) He has went out of town doing this job and will not be back until Mon/Tues. and he tells me that when he gets back that I have to have the babies because he has to leave back out in a week. What? These babies decide when they want to come I am not going to do anything to make the babies arrival convient for him. And my mother rushed out here from out of state and I told her to wait until actually this week which was 2 wks. away from the day she rushed out here to help. I specifically told her that I really needed her help after the boys were born...and now she too is trying to rush the babies into the world for her convience because she is ready to get back to her home. I told my husband that I think that his priorities are not together..and which do he think is most important (working...chasing money or being there for the birth of his children) He can always work but he'll never be able to relive his childens birth! I feel...(although definately not true for all cases because I have definately witnessed some very supportive and awesome father's to be) but there is that percent of should I say fathers/dads/men who throw all of the responsibility of the children on the mothers and they think that they have done their part just because they pay the bills. And I haven't just been sitting on my hinny...this spring I continued in school at the university for Nursing degree as well as taken a 9 mth course in medical coding which I finished up 2 wks. ago. This will be my 1st summer sitting out of school for the birth of the babies as I will be nursing and bonding with the babies...but I am already registered and will be right back in school for the fall...October I will be going back to work. Fatherhood is definately more than paying the bills!!!!!And I am mentally trying to prepare myself for whatever may happen (whether he is present for the birth as well as my mother) See it's these sorts of things that is one of the main causes a mother fall into post pardum depression. It's not like we have'nt been taken through the ringer with worries (about the pregnancy) already and then we are preparing for the birth just or even more importantly than one would do for a wedding.But don't worry about me....I will be relying on God to keep me.I just want you to know that you are not alone...Or just maybe...when you think that you have it bad....just look to your left..

 

QUOTE(abersmacky @ Jun 15 2009, 09:12 PM) [snapback]1355769[/snapback]
I have 5 weeks before the scheduled c-section....the room needs to get finished. Is he not excited about the boys? The way he talks to people he is, but when it comes to preparing he doesn't act like he wants to do it. I am trying to be nice and patient, but this very pregnant lady is going to loose it soon.


my DH is like this too. fortunately the nursery was painted within the last half of the first trimester and that's ONLY because it was his idea to paint it a certain theme and he was very excited to do it with his friends. once the nursery painting was complete it was and still is a HUGE chore to get him to do anything baby related. i bought a glider and asked him to put it together for weeks, it literally sat in the garage for a month before he put it together. now we've got closets to rearrange and organize to prep for baby stuff and he wants nothing to do with it, knowing full well that we too have about 6-7 weeks before the babies get here.

once the nursery furniture was put together and the room was painted he pretty much backed out of anything baby related. it is frustrating because you want them to help out but i think that they are also emotionally drained as well as physically from putting up with us for so long and having to support the household financially....i know that is the problem with mine.

i hope he gets it done soon!

 

I could have wrote word for word all of your experiences... It is very frustrating. I was on bedrest for 5 weeks and my babies are here in NICU. I feel like I've been "barking orders" for 2 months just to be ready... I also have called my family in to help on weekends and that's the only way we got where we are! We still have an unfinished basement project that I wanted done when the babies got here... and I made that statement last October. The basement isn't halfway done.

Now that I am starting to be able to move around (post-c-section) I have a TON of energy to just do a bunch of this stuff on my own!!!! Get outta my way!!!

 

I'm so sorry ladies! :hug: I am still decently early I guess but the things that keeps weighng on my mind is that we still need to buy the cribs carseats, stroller etc ugh! They will be in our room for the first few months so there is no nursery to do yet for us. It's actually my dd's room who will move to the basement when we decide the babies are ready to leave our room. (She's turning 11 today but it still scares me to have her in the basement farther away from us for now )

Men can be so insensitive at times. I bet they are excited just tired and stressed and reacting to that in their own ways (although that doesn't make it right). Too bad men don't get that nesting urge eh?

 

I'm sorry about your DH. The only advice I have is don't put it off!!! I ame just now finishing ours up. And I did most of it!! DH did put the furniture together but I made him do it the very night we got each peice so that it did not just sit there. Now I can't stand for more than 30 min at a time because of the severe swelling in my legs and feet. So here I am 36 weeks and 3 days and I still need to get it finished. But I don't know how or when.

If I don't stand over DH and make sure he does what I ask right then it does not get done. I think it is a man thing. Good luck and try not to go as crazy as I have because of it.

 

Gosh, I feel your pain. I keep reminding DH, who is entirely responsible for the boxes of mess in the spare bedroom (not lying - it's really all his stuff!), that I will be on planned bedrest no later than 7 1/2 weeks from now and that means bed REST - not "I'm staying home so I can do baby stuff" which means, if I'm to help at all, he needs to get moving! We have the cribs (still in boxes), a new rocker/recliner (which is downstairs for now because there's no room for it upstairs), shelves to hang (from my son's nursery) and the room is still packed with junk so we can't get the drywall repair done not to mention the paint (which I've already picked out!)

I hate feeling like a nag and I hate that just I can't do this for him. Grrrr....... <_<

 

My DH is a total procrastinator. . . I was mostly in the hospital for the last 2 months of my pregnancy so when I would ask him if the nursery was done, he would just tell me not to worry and he would get it done. . .I did get to come home for a couple of days right before I had the babies (34 weeks) and the room was NO WHERE NEAR being done. . . I was REALLY mad on the inside but just told him that I didn't care when he did it but that the room BETTER be done by the time I came home with the babies!! Well he did get it done within those couple days following and it was kind of neat coming home to a BEAUTIFUL nursery. . . I am usually the type of person that likes things done my way and much earlier than I think I need them done. . . but in the end it really worked out and it was nice having a surprise! Try to be patient, men just work on a different time frame than us girls!

Laura

 

AHHHH! It feels good to have people in the same shoes (flip flops?) as me. Let's be clear: I love my husband dearly. He does things when he says he will do them. BUT.

It is quite a challenge to get him to see that things that are important to nesting mommies are important to working daddies. These are our first babies- spontaneous boys. They were not planned. However, we still have to plan for them, now that they are coming.

My priorities are just getting everything ready for them. Ideally, I wanted the convertible cribs, but as we are rather young and will be rather broke and 2 cribs were given to us, I'm compromising. One crib is wooden, one is white. They both have had former beaver children, gnawing away at them. My only requirement is that both cribs need to be sanded and painted white to match eachother. My husband, who simultaenously would like to travel 1200 miles back to our home state of Michigan (with or without me for a week) thinks this is too much money to spend. This is insane. I'm asking for a $30 dollars and time, which he has and he's asking for a vacation. Ugh. I guess I'm just feeling like what's important to me is not important to him.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Michelle

26 weeks with di/di boys

 

We're going through the same thing here!! Our basement is under renos, the girls needed to be moved into their room downstairs b/f I could decorate the nursery and the new playroom upstairs. Dh thinks it's ok to work half the day and then "rest".

The girls room JUST got done and the bathroom is still just drywalled w a working shower :angry: That babies room is done except for the closet and the trim. Honestly I'm surprised we're still married

I've found that IF I start to do something and he knows I shouldn't be doing it, he'll get up here and help!!

 

It is good to know that I am not alone. He knows that I am unhappy...we will see what tomorrow brings....I want it done by this weekend, because my mom is throwing me a shower and I have to have somewhere to put all the stuff. Lord, know the dining room can't hold another thing.

 

Mom always said,"If men were the ones having babys the human race would go extinct. They would whine, worry, and complain all the time." :lol: I think they worry but try to cover it up by doing other things.

I already had this talk with my Drs when I had a chance to go alone. They have been on my side and encouraging him to get things done. Less stress and worry I have, the better chance I have going 38 weeks and less complications. The thought of his boys being premies, like him, has been enough till now.

I'm not going to start pushing or nagging if he doesn't turn his act around. I'll give him time since his job tends to be high stress. Come July I may be on bedrest as the heat starts and breathing and moving gets worse.
Dad's all ready to jump in and get things moved, fixed, and done. When and if that happens Mom and Dad said they would take the heat for me.

At least I hope you gals have hubbys that will take a bit of time off to help with the newborns. Mine seems to think 2 weeks is enough. Thank goodness his bosses told him he will return to work when they say he can. Sometimes State agencies actually know what they are doing! One of his superiors told me they were going to insist he put in for 12 weeks but he could return earlier. Just depends on what the doctors say and how we are coping. Heck, they actually are worried about us not having things ready for the babies! I get offers from his coworkers for help or things alot!

 

I'm with you ladies on the nursery situation! I am thankful that i managed to get the twins room painted and crib set up as early as i did, as i am stuck on strict bedrest, so it is now completely up to DH to get the rest of it done. You can barely walk into the bloomin room, as apparently it has simply been the place to accumulate things (ie the boxspring from DS's bed before we set up the bunkbeds). I have been so appreciative at how helpful he has been around the house since i've been stuck in bed, but i'm annoyed it took getting to that point before anything in the house got done and worry what the state of everything will be when the twins arrive. <_<

 

sorry you are frustrated. I wouldn't make the large leap form not wanting to paint a room to mean he isn't excited for the babies.

Take a deep breath and go tell him how much it would help you feel better to have that room done by next week (or whenever) so you can decorate it and get things settled before you get too uncomfortable to do any of these things.

 

Good luck to all you guys getting everything ready. I know how stressful that can be. I am a planner and executer. DH is a procrastinator. I decided up front that to have all our cribs assembled by the company we bought them from when they were delivered. I knew DH could do it, would do a great job at it, and would be infinately more careful than the delivery company, but I also knew I would spend months nagging him to get it done and it would drive me insane. I don't even remember how much it was, but it was well worth every penny.

I also found in general with DH there were a couple of tactics that worked pretty well to get things done. Maybe they can work for you, too.

1. Involve him in the plan. Let him help decide when it can get done and what needs to be done so he sees the big picture. We came up with a list and posted it on the fridge. Instead of nagging I would casually mention it a little in advance (Hmmm... Let me check the list - what's the plan for tomorrow?) I made a production out of crossing things off and prasing him for getting it done, doing a good job, etc.
2. Enlist help. Turn it into a group event. A painting party, a furniture assembly party, whatever needs to be done. It's fun for everyone.

 

:lol: I had to share this one with folks.

Last night my hubby came home, flopped in his easy chair, and looked around the house. Now, all of a sudden, we are moving furniture Friday. He even made a list of items we still need and a diagram for furniture locations.

Apparently there's some problems with all these new hires at his job. They hired them too fast, gave inadequete training, didn't screen them adequetly, or most probably slept through training. Well, they figured out their mistake in rushing all these people so there's lots of retraining, firing, hiring, and etc.

He made up his mind that he's going to start taking three day weekends, and accept all 12 weeks fmla/sick leave. He decided to tell his bosses he has to get the house ready since I shouldn't lift. Oh well! By the time he returns he'll be eligible for another promotion. :lol:

I guess the extra hours at work now sound worse than changing diapers, midnight feedings, and dr appts!

 

QUOTE(Gabria @ Jun 18 2009, 11:17 AM) [snapback]1359377[/snapback]
:lol: I had to share this one with folks.

Last night my hubby came home, flopped in his easy chair, and looked around the house. Now, all of a sudden, we are moving furniture Friday. He even made a list of items we still need and a diagram for furniture locations.

Apparently there's some problems with all these new hires at his job. They hired them too fast, gave inadequete training, didn't screen them adequetly, or most probably slept through training. Well, they figured out their mistake in rushing all these people so there's lots of retraining, firing, hiring, and etc.

He made up his mind that he's going to start taking three day weekends, and accept all 12 weeks fmla/sick leave. He decided to tell his bosses he has to get the house ready since I shouldn't lift. Oh well! By the time he returns he'll be eligible for another promotion. :lol:

I guess the extra hours at work now sound worse than changing diapers, midnight feedings, and dr appts!

That's hilarious

 

So from my originial reply, the room still stands as it did earlier this week. This afternoon, he is off and he asked me if I wanted him to the grocery store...I said "No, I want you to paint." To which he responded..." I was going to paint tomorrow." Well, after about 5 minutes of encouragement of sorts, he agreed to get a second coat on the walls, touch up around the trim, patch the hole in the closet. Tomorrow, he will paint the inside of the closet (it probably hasn't been painted since the house was built in the 1960's) and all the doors to the room. I am hoping that once he gets the walls completed, I can encourage him to set up the cribs. They are used and need some touch up where little gnawers got to it. I plan to do that touch up myself which will require a little sanding. Keep in mind that I am still working full time so I am unable to keep him on task...we will see what surprise await me when I get home. :lol: Oh...my mom is throwing a shower for me this weekend so I really need to have the painting done so I can start decorating. Mom has put her craft skills to work and made two wooden plaques with the boys names on it. I think she also got me a changing table. Now, I just need the dresser. By the middle of next week the boys room will be ready...if my DH stays on task!

 

Good luck abersmacky! Keep on plugging away and hopefully the task will be finished! :banana:

 

I can feel a little bit of your pain. I learned a lot when I was pregnant with my first child... for instance it is the mom who made sure we got everything we needed and it was set up, while dad ONLY had to paint the nursery. It's funny now (not so much then) when I think that he had to go home the day after I had ds and was still in the hospital... he had to finish painting! <_<

The bonus is that I learned what I really needed to do this time around. I even made sure to make the nursery choices matched the wall color so painting was not required. As with last time (and in spite of extreme nausea into the 2nd trimester), I made sure we acquired all of the necessities. I had a handyman come to the house to hang all of the curtain rods and fix all of the little things that needed to be taken care of before the babies arrive. I had a friend of mine come over from work this week to help me assemble the crib, and I put together the car seat/carriers this weekend. Never mind I was in charge of organizing/washing all of the clothes, sheets, etc.; writing all of the thank you notes; AND working my job.

He did manage to help me put together the bookcase for the playroom when I made sure to start lugging out all of the parts in front of him. I'm guessing it will take him the next 6-8 weeks to actually install them (no way I can do that with this belly)... It's definitely not the word "slacker" floating through my head... really, it's not...

Good luck getting it all done!