What is an appropriate age for them to understand

Right now I have one who constantly takes toys out of the other's hands. Often times the other one won't care too much and find something else. But more recently he is starting to fight back. All I can do right now is redirect, say he had it first and you can have it when he's done...we need to share. But when do they actually understand what sharing means? I doubt it's any time soon. But we've seen my 3.5 year old nephew a few times recently and he is all about NOT sharing and screaming "NO, MINE!" I'm guessing he understands what sharing means, he just doesn't want to do it. I guess that's normal for the age, but still very annoying. So do we have like what 4, 5 more years before we can expect them to actually understand it and do it (even if they don't want to)?

Is there an age appropriate way to start teaching this concept to toddlers?

 

We are working hard to get ours to share. What we've done so far, if they don't share a toy well and fight over it, it gets taken away for a couple of hours. We also praise them when they do share with each other. It does happen and it seems to happening more and more now. And a lot of redirecting as well.

 

Mine have been sharing off and on since about 8-9 months old. They have their fair share of stealing and fighting, but they care for each other and share a lot ^_^

I got a video of them sharing shoes at 10.5 months

 

My boys share sometimes. I don't think they actually understand that they are sharing, they just know that they are playing together with the same things. They will hand things to each other and whatnot. They also fight. A lot of how well they play together for the day depends on if they are tired or hungry or if they have not been having a good day in general the sharing is non-exsistent and they hit, try to bite, kick each other etc. when someone takes the toy.

Having 2 of the same toy works for the things they LOVE to play with. We play the "sharing" game where I ask them to share a toy with me and they give it to me, I praise them and then after a few second I give it back and I tell them that mama is sharing. Jack seems to get this more than James, but they both enjoy the game. Our ped. told us that in her experience twins and other multiples, they seem to do better with sharing than singletons because they are much more used to it since they often don't have a choice but to share. She also made the point that it is important that they each have some things that are theirs that they are not always forced to share. We do that with loveys and blankets. They each have their own and don't have to share it.

 

The fighting "mine mine" doesn't usually start until closer to two. Mine have always fought but OH MY GOSH... "MINE! MINE" is now a constant banter over here. They're 22 months and it's BAD. I read that children are incapable of KNOWING what sharing is until AFTER age 2. They haven't quite become territorial enough to NOT share at 12 or 14 months.

Good luck. Everyone understands "it's the age" so it's not that big of a deal. It will pass. Just talk them through it with the understanding that they cannot do it right now w/o feeling wronged

 

True sharing doesn't occur until sometime between 3 and 4 years old. They do get taking turns earlier, though. The genesis of true sharing for most kid starts during the 3 year old year at preschool. Twins do sometimes begin to share earlier due to necessity, but developmentally, they won't share for a while.

 

I have a much more dominate twin and a very passive one. She has stolen toys since she could. I only started to intervene when I felt they could even start to grasp what I was saying. I figure I dont' want to burn myself out too early with correcting them. They are 21 months and we drew the line in the sand about 2 months ago -- I deal with every infraction. It is slowly decreasing but she then will get frustrated and attempt to hit her sister. I have noticed that raising my voice actually encouraged them to make many more attempts. They love the adrenaline rush they get from watching me get angry with them. Adds some excitement to the day. I've now tried to keep my voice more "matter of fact", lots and lots of direction "look over here, look at the kitty", and a hug and sorry for small infractions and time outs in the corner and a hug for larger infractions. Keeping it light after an offence seems to help preventing the child from continuing to be angry and taking it out on her sister again.