what do you think?

So, I had posted a couple of days ago about a playdate that didn't go as great as I had hoped. My girls are 16 months and her son is 18 months. I was talking to a very good friend of mine who is also friends with the woman I had the playdate with last week (we were all teachers at the same school). My friend was also suppose to have a playdate with this same girl yesterday but it was cancelled so she asked her how our playdate went to get her story on things. So she tells her that my girls are too sensitive for her son. I feel a little annoyed and taken aback by this. I mean, I know for the most part there is generally a behavior difference between boys and girls (not for ALL, for most) with boys play being a bit more rough and tumble and "aggressive" which is all very normal. The fact is, soon after we got there, her son came running full force towards Arwen (possibly to try and hug her, I don't know) and knocked her down. Obviously she wasn't expecting this and well, yeah...it freaked her out and she clung to me for a good while. Then when she finally got brave to venture away from me, Nicholas starts hitting her with a toy and well, yeah...it upset her!! He was also hitting Lorien with the toys and just hitting her on her head and well, yeah...she didn't like it. Who would?? Before we were getting ready to leave, Nicholas was hitting her repeatedly on the back of the head with a toy and well, yeah...it REALLY HURT HER AND SHE WAS CRYING!!! Now, I ask you...Are my girls just too sensitive?? I don't want them to be rough and tough kids who go around hitting other kids. I know it can be very normal behavior but my girls are not there yet and perhaps I will feel differently at some point but I just can't imagine my girls hitting another kid or knocking them down watching them cry and thinking "oh dear, that kid is just too sensitive."

Am I in the wrong for feeling a little annoyed that she described my kids as too sensitive instead of admitting that her son was just a bit too aggressive for my kids?

 

No...i have a sensitive child, but at the same time she can be just as rough, too. this was just foreign behavior to them...you should tell the mom that her child is too aggressive!

 

I don't think you are wrong for being annoyed. I have a b/g set and this is what happens in our house everyday. My son hits his sister, generally after she takes something from him. My daughter is a bit "rough" but she has to be to actually survive.

 

i have id boys & a 4yo boy and 2 girls & the twins do tend to want to hit other kids but i am right there on top of them, before they get a chance. i would never let that happen. i would be annoyed too, you should ask for another play date & walk up to the mom & hit her with your bag & when she says something, say i'm leaving your too sensitive...lol that would be funny ...

 

I have the same situation as Carmen&Whit's mom - my son at 15.5 mos is a bully and will take things right off his sister, knock her over etc - she gets him back in other ways...I don't think your kids are sensitive at all....it sounds like the difference between boys and girls!

 

I don't think your girls are too sensitive and I don't think the boy is necessarily a barbarian. Boys definitely play rougher than girls. But that mom should be trying to teach her little guy that smashing other kids on the head is not acceptable. It might be the nature of boys to be more physical, but hurting other kids is not OK. If someone cracked me on the head with a toy, I'd cry too.

Michelle

 

QUOTE(double-or-nothing @ Aug 21 2007, 11:55 AM) [snapback]373688[/snapback]
So, I had posted a couple of days ago about a playdate that didn't go as great as I had hoped. My girls are 16 months and her son is 18 months. I was talking to a very good friend of mine who is also friends with the woman I had the playdate with last week (we were all teachers at the same school). My friend was also suppose to have a playdate with this same girl yesterday but it was cancelled so she asked her how our playdate went to get her story on things. So she tells her that my girls are too sensitive for her son. I feel a little annoyed and taken aback by this. I mean, I know for the most part there is generally a behavior difference between boys and girls (not for ALL, for most) with boys play being a bit more rough and tumble and "aggressive" which is all very normal. The fact is, soon after we got there, her son came running full force towards Arwen (possibly to try and hug her, I don't know) and knocked her down. Obviously she wasn't expecting this and well, yeah...it freaked her out and she clung to me for a good while. Then when she finally got brave to venture away from me, Nicholas starts hitting her with a toy and well, yeah...it upset her!! He was also hitting Lorien with the toys and just hitting her on her head and well, yeah...she didn't like it. Who would?? Before we were getting ready to leave, Nicholas was hitting her repeatedly on the back of the head with a toy and well, yeah...it REALLY HURT HER AND SHE WAS CRYING!!! Now, I ask you...Are my girls just too sensitive?? I don't want them to be rough and tough kids who go around hitting other kids. I know it can be very normal behavior but my girls are not there yet and perhaps I will feel differently at some point but I just can't imagine my girls hitting another kid or knocking them down watching them cry and thinking "oh dear, that kid is just too sensitive."

Am I in the wrong for feeling a little annoyed that she described my kids as too sensitive instead of admitting that her son was just a bit too aggressive for my kids?


I should note that the mom DID take action when her son was being out of control. She put him in time out and I could tell she was upset with him. She was not tolerating the bahvior by any means. He is not a BAD kid. He is a boy and he is a toddler so I accept that some of this behavior is "normal." She also has a 2 month old son so it was a little hard for her sometimes to react as quickly as she wanted to. What's most upsetting to me is that she told our friend that my girls are too sensitive just because they clung to me and cried when he was hitting them and making them fall down. I think my girls reaction is very normal and I don't think it is being overly sensitive to cry when another child is pushing them and beating them with a toy. No??

 

I'm going to play devils advocate here. She has a rambunctious but normal child. To her your dd's probably look very sensitive. Just like to you he looks a little wild. When my first was young my dd was sensitive but I thought she was just a sweet wonderful girl. I thought the boys in our playgroup were monsters. Fast forward 10 years I can see the boys were being normal boys and I had a very shy delicate sensitive girl. So while I agree that your dds reactions were normal to being hit her son might react differently so she sees it as sensitive. Like my twins could get clobbered at a playgroup but they would go swinging back at the offender and then they would get over it. My first born would however have been traumatized and not played again . Does that make sense?

 

Yes, that does make sense. I guess I'm the one being overly sensitive about it <_< It's just not easy seeing my girls crying because someone hurt them. I guess I have a lot of that to deal with in the future huh?

 

QUOTE(double-or-nothing @ Aug 21 2007, 06:07 PM) [snapback]373876[/snapback]
Yes, that does make sense. I guess I'm the one being overly sensitive about it <_< It's just not easy seeing my girls crying because someone hurt them. I guess I have a lot of that to deal with in the future huh?

I still get furious if another child hurts my child. But only if the parent does nothing and its over and over again. My dd was sensitive but now she's a tomboy. Its funny I thought she'd be the beauty pageant Georgia peach who would only wear dresses. Now she loves boy shirts and bugs. My bruiser 2nd born DD who I thought for sure would be the son I never had (at that time) is my little princess now who loves dolls, makeup and dresses.
I think I've changed my mind. I'd start playdates with a child who's a little more laid back so they can ease into it. You don't want them to be terrified of playdates. Or you could give it another try and see if it goes better?

 

I would have told her " How would you feel if someone came barreling up to you and then knocked you over? And then after you got over being knocked over they started banging you over the head?" I hate how some people act like kids should be made of rock and don't think how things really would hurt!

 

I have 2 boys. One is aggresive and the other is only aggresive if the other is (he follows his actions if that makes sense). At the same time, though, they CAN BE sesitive..ESPECIALLY if another child is hitting him! LOL. My boys do hit like toddlers do, but also get serious consequenses, thus, lately there have been a lot of "sowwys" (Sorry).

I do think its normal behavior for the boy and its good she was on top of it...however for her to say yours were too sensitive is a bit much...I would never presume a child to be too sensitive, esp if my son kept hitting them... I do think that was presumptuous to say, just as Im sure she would be offended a little if you said hers was too aggresive. Im not sure if it has anything to do with B/G behavior for me. As a 1 year old teacher in the past, I have whitnessed MANY more aggresive girls than boys. I have actually found some girls to be more like boys than some of the boys in the class!!

My nephew is oversensitive...He freaks out at the slightest "wrestle type movements" or anything like it. He is 7...and HATES being tumbled around and crys at every single roughness that comes his way. Hes never been hit or abused..so I dont know his deal...its just the way he is.

 

If my babies were in the same situation, they would cry too- this includes DS who can be rough-ish but is shy around new surroundings and people.

I would say that I may be annoyed by the description of overly sensitive, but I take things to heart probably too much.

Her son was probably just acting his age and it frightened your girls. I wouldn't worry too much or over-analyze, but I see your point as well.

 

Believe me it is not just boys. There is a little girl at our church that scares the heck out of my boys! My boys aren't overly sensitive (o.k. maybe Jet is ) but they certainly cry when they get hurt! The mom probably just felt bad and it is easier to say that your girls are too sensitive then to say that her boy is too rough. It just doesn't sound like a good match for playdates.

-Kimberly

 

What was wrong with that other mother that she would tell a mutual friend something about your kids???? Did she think the woman wouldn't tell you? The little boy sounds like a normal little bruiser - the kind that only gets invited to my house once - I don't tolerate anyone hitting or pushing my girls. I tend to overreact & yell "Hey, hey. hey no hitting in this house" pretty loudly, frightening the visiting kid with my wild woman scowl. I limit my playdates to kids that get along well with my girls AND I watch my girls like hawks & make sure they share, don't grab & act like heathens. My Isabella is sensitive & cries easily & Marissa is more assertive - but they both play well with other kids.

If I were you, I would wait until the girls were older before I got together with that mom & her little wild man again.

 

QUOTE(BellaRissa @ Aug 21 2007, 05:28 PM) [snapback]374111[/snapback]
What was wrong with that other mother that she would tell a mutual friend something about your kids???? Did she think the woman wouldn't tell you? The little boy sounds like a normal little bruiser - the kind that only gets invited to my house once - I don't tolerate anyone hitting or pushing my girls. I tend to overreact & yell "Hey, hey. hey no hitting in this house" pretty loudly, frightening the visiting kid with my wild woman scowl. I limit my playdates to kids that get along well with my girls AND I watch my girls like hawks & make sure they share, don't grab & act like heathens. My Isabella is sensitive & cries easily & Marissa is more assertive - but they both play well with other kids.

If I were you, I would wait until the girls were older before I got together with that mom & her little wild man again.


Thank you so much. I needed to hear this view as well to validate some of what has been going through my mind. I don't think my girls are over sensitive cry babies but sweet little girls that were reacting to something that really scared and hurt them. I work really hard with them to be kind to each other and to the few kids we are with. I don't know if it's just luck of the draw that my girls thus far have just been very sweet girls (I mean, don't get me wrong, they do take toys from each other and absent mindedly step on each other but they have never reacted physically to each other...yet). I agree that I will not meet with this girl until my girls are a bit older. As for her telling my other friend, the fact is we are all friends but I'm much better friends with the other girl. I don't think she said it in a mean way and I could be equally wrong for telling my friend that her son was too aggressive. She was actually nervous to have her playdate with him after I told her what had happened and was happy that the other girl cancelled. So, I feel kind of bad myself.

I really appreciate EVERYONES responses to this issue. I think my first reaction was anger (mama having to defend her little babies ) but I'm proud of how my girls are so I will just take it as a learned lesson. OMG we start Mommy and Me in a few weeks...GOD HELP ME!!! :lol:

 

QUOTE(double-or-nothing @ Aug 21 2007, 04:53 PM) [snapback]374240[/snapback]
OMG we start Mommy and Me in a few weeks...GOD HELP ME!!! :lol:


I would hope that in a supervised setting a child would not be allowed to be that rough. If they were I would want my money back.

-Kimberly

 

Wow, I could have posted this in a very similar situation....
We went to a small play gym yesterday and I left there feeling AWFUL. There were about 10 children there. At first, my girls hung onto my legs until they were ready, not too long. Once they started playing, there was a little boy who was running around screaming CONSTANTLY! Not a sad or mad scream, not a cute squeal, but a loud scary scream, almost obnoxious. Whenever he came near the girls, they got frightened and would cry and run to me or say "no no no!" I would try to make light of it and say, "He he look at the silly boy, he is having fun..ha ha!" Well then he was running around and barrelled into Avery- more crying. Then she was actually knocked down by a couple more kids. So, at one point we were near the little boy and they squirmed away..his mother said, "Oh my,____, I have never seen two little girls so scared of you before." Me, actually, feeling guilty said, " I'm sorry they are just really shy, we don't get out too much!" Well there were a couple more crying instances (mind you we were nearing nap time and they really don't do stuff like that alot) especially at time to leave. I got in my car and wanted to cry, I felt so ashamed that I threw my sweet inexperienced little girls under the bus simply because they were unsure of someone's unpredictable behavior.

So, after my long story, let me just say I know EXACTLY how you feel! This is a learning process for us and our lil people who have no idea what this big world is all about. It is our job to allow them to experience new things, but also to keep them comfortable and safe. I know from now on, I will not explain my poor lil girls' shyness anymore! Not sure what I will say, but they deserve the right to experience things at their own pace and level of comfort without being judged by people who have braver, louder kids! Maybe next time you see the mom, just say "so I guess our kids aren't a great match yet!" Sorry still thinking of a response to this stuff myself....
Hugs to you, I really know how you feel!