What do you think is harder to manage

Having twins or having one baby, then years later having another?

I only have twins so I can't compare, but to me it would seem harder to have one then another down the road. Because for one taking care of a toddler while pregnant would be even more exhausting and then you are dealing with different routines. Trying to feed a newborn, but getting your toddler down for a nap.

People always comment that it must be hard to manage two, well I think it's not that bad considering they are both on the same routine it's just double the work. What do you think?

Now my hats definetely off those you women who manage a large family, you are my role models

 

When they're both at a tough age, having two the same age is harder. There have been times during the past 6 months when I wished I had only one three-year-old and one relatively easy toddler! (And of course when they were newborns, I wished with all my heart that I was having one at a time.) But on the whole, I tend to agree with you. With twins you can do things sort of assembly-line style, rather than having to juggle two (or more) kids' very different needs.

But when I mention this to moms who have two kids of different ages, they look at me like I'm crazy. :ibiggrin: So, I guess it's good that we all think we have it easiest!

ETA: I just noticed your username and realized that our twins have the exact same birthday.

 

I had my boys 2 yrs apart, and then 8.5 yrs later had my twin girls.

I would say until age 2.5 or 3 it is harder having two the same age. Then I find it easier than even the 2.5-yr gap my boys have.

It is a big adjustment starting over when your youngest is many years out of diapers.

This is my personal experience, though, and every child is different. Some singletons could be more of a challenge than both of my girls.

 

I have two two years apart and then twins another 3.5 years later. As babies, I thought it was definitely easier having one then another two years later... twins were so tough the first year (maybe a little harder b/c I had the older two?) and I never felt like there was a break. With my older two, the toddler had a napping routine and slept through the night so dealing with one baby during the night or when I was sleep deprived during the day wasn't that bad. Of course, my twins aren't quite two and still quite a bit of work but we'll see if I change my opinion as they get older!

 

i don't know...i think there's probably pros & cons to both situations. :unknw:

 

AGREE!

 

I agree with Rachel. :good:

 

I think it hard not matter what but I often wonder if it would have been easier having the twins first. The reason I think this is that if I would have had my twins first then when the third came along at least they would have eachother to play with. I am finding it hard having a 3 year old and 9 month old twins because my 3 year old is very jealous and wants all the attention and has no one to play with. I would be interested to know if anyone else has these problems? do twins keep eachother occupied when the third one comes around or is it the same as my situation?

 

I'm sure it has challenges to take care of a toddler when you have a newborn... but well, with newborn twins when you take care of one baby the other needs you too... Some people struggle with different schedules with twins too... you have two babies waking up every 3 hours at night, while a toddler will be more likely to sleep through... you have to carry two babies to the car, a toddler can walk... you have to feed both yourself, a toddler can eat... I'm sure taking care of a whiny toddler when you have a baby must be hard, but you can put the newborn in a sling and hold the baby while taking care of the other one...

I guess I just don't see how it would be easier to have twins... Yes, they play together and keep each other busy, but then you have to deal with a lot of bickering too... and with a toddler and a baby the baby will be entertained a lot just watching the toddler.

 

I'm going to have to fourth or fifth what Rachel said. I don't know what it is like to have any other children besides the twins, so in my experience it would seem to be easier to have 2 children at different ages but then on the other hand, it might not. :unsure:

 

I agree there are pros and cons to each situation. Also I think an awful lot depends on the personalities of the children (laid back twins would be easier than a clingy, anxious toddler and colicky baby, an average toddler and laid back baby would be easier than high energy rambunctious twins) and the age gap between them (1yr vs 2yrs vs 3yrs).

From my perspective, having looked after twins from 9 weeks old and two singletons 11 months apart, there is not that much to choose between them. The twins were easier in that they had the same feeding/sleeping schedule (I know some twins do not, but I think most people get their twins into the same routine fairly early on) so it was easier to get out and do things inbetween those times. With E & E quite often I have to stay indoors with Eleanor when I wouldn't otherwise because Ethan is sleeping. Up until they became fully mobile I could leave the twins in a room alone briefly while I ran to get/do something, which I can't do with the age-gap kids in case Eleanor hurts Ethan (stands/sits on him, drops a toy on his head etc). When Etan was born Eleanor was not walking so it was no easier getting to the car or upstairs or anything. She was also not feeding herself so that wasn't easier either. And trust me they cry/want attention at the same time. So I would say that if you have a very close age gap the baby age is about equal (but slightly different) hardness to the baby age of twins. However I imgaine that in the future it might become slightly easier than twins. For example once Ethan hits the running off in all directions phase Eleanor should be able to listen well and stay close, so I'll only have one to chase. I'm hoping that when they're 2/3/4ish they'll be playing together nicely the same as the twins do.

 

WELL! Let's see... I have twin boys who will be 2 next month. My daughter just turned 3 months old. What's harder? Like someone else said-I think every situation has it's pros/cons. My viewpoint however...

I'm glad I had the twins first vs having a singleton then twins. My boys DO have each other-even though it seems like most times they want me! But right now, the baby does take up a lot of my time. I feel really bad for my boys, as I am not able to take them outside during the day-between her sleeping/feeding schedules. It's hard in that sense. Having the twins-I think they were easy, in a way. You just did double of everything. I kept them on the same schedule for the most part-and I knew when I could get things done based on their sleeping schedule. Now-I have to feed her, they want my attention. They go to sleep for naps, she's just waking up. They sleep all night, she gets up once/night.

I don't know if any of this makes any sense! LOL! I think you just do what you have to do. People would ask me while I was pregnant with Annabella, "How are you going to manage?" I don't know! You just do. One day at a time! I have friends who have had their second or are about to, and they are/will have a tough go of it. I think it's just how you are able to manage everything.

 

I am in a similar situation twin toddlers at 21 months old and a 5 month old. I remember going to a twin mother's group and seeing twin newborns and thinking ... "THAT was hard". Being pg with two older toddlers was hard and without family support even harder. I don't recommend it really. I had one still not walking and having to carry her while pg. All that lifting was not easy.

Having one baby has been really enjoyable. At least the girls are walking and can eat for themselves and go and play. With the twins in the first year you had to do everything for them. So I can definately say that kids close together is NOTHING like having twins and twins is definately harder at that infant stage.

I think having kids with some age inbetween, the oldest could be past the 2-3 yr difficult stage, or soon to be, and at least they could grab a diaper or talk to the baby. Likely one will be in school in a few years so it is just one baby still at home. I do agree that the best age difference is 3 years.

Heather

 

To each their own. I guess most make the best out of the situation they are in. My scenario consists of an older child now 6 and the girls are just about 15 months. I really don't think there is an "easier" scenario. I can say I would not want two kids with in 1 1/2 - 2 years apart. I could see that being harder than two the same age. My older singleton was just the right age to appreciate new siblings in his world. He has been a blessing and my extra set of hands/eyes around the house. Best wishes all

 

I suspect you adapt to whatever situation you end up in. I think the biggest factor in what might be considered hardest in the personalities of the child. My oldest by himself was more challenging in many ways than all four of them together, including twin newborns. You just never know.

 

I thought of this myself not to long ago. Wondering what it'd be like and what would be 'easier'. There are lots to consider.. and like Rachel mentioned there are pros and cons with every situation.

I agree that the first year with the twins [so far] have been the more tiring of the stages. Now that they are on a pretty good routine I have time to think about things like that and part of me is so glad that I have my twins. Cause at least they have someone who will understand them and have someone to go through the stages of life together with.