He came into our house around 10pm. He went into his room and shut the door. My husband went to check in on him and he was drunk!! He was in bed and hidding his eyes(cause they were blood shot). So my husband says "Blow in my face". Which of course he wouldnt. So we had him get dressed(cause he was ready to go to sleep)and we took him to where his mother is staying. He is staying with us till his mother can get a place that is big enough for him,his mother,brother and sister. We made him stay with his mom last night. I have NO patience for drinking!! We both have alcoholics on both sides of our family and we both feel we have to take a strong stand about this. This is NOT the first time he has drank. It is the first time he has drank while staying with us. What I want to do is print up some pictures of what drunk driving accidents look like and show it to him. He is in the process of taking a driving class to get his drivers license. I think he NEEDS to see some graphic pictures to drive home what could happen to him or others who could get in his way. No he didnt drive home. He had a freind drop him off who is under age(does have a license). He says that he wasnt drinking but I beleive that like I beleive that tomarrow a million dollars will fall out of the sky and land in my back pocket. So what do you think about the drunk driving pictures?
Hi there, I feel for you...I would go a step further than the pictures...I would call a couple of auto shops...and drag him down there...let him see some cars with the yellow sheets covered in blood still in the car...where the people had to be cut out of them....I have a 17 yo son that was driving carelessly....My mechanic took him to the "bone yard" and showed him several cars...including one with a car seat in the back with blood all over it. I would also not hesitate in taking him down the the local fire station and let those guys talk to him too...I don't think that we can be too extreem when it comes to these teenagers that think they are invincable. Take care, and good luck Missy
QUOTE(MissyEby @ Sep 16 2007, 08:08 PM) [snapback]410568[/snapback] Hi there, I feel for you...I would go a step further than the pictures...I would call a couple of auto shops...and drag him down there...let him see some cars with the yellow sheets covered in blood still in the car...where the people had to be cut out of them....I have a 17 yo son that was driving carelessly....My mechanic took him to the "bone yard" and showed him several cars...including one with a car seat in the back with blood all over it. I would also not hesitate in taking him down the the local fire station and let those guys talk to him too...I don't think that we can be too extreem when it comes to these teenagers that think they are invincable. Take care, and good luck Missy OH WOW thankx for those ideas. I love the idea of taking him to the auto shops or where there is wrecked cars. I completly agree about you cant be to extreme when it comes to showing some of these teens that they are actually infact NOT invincable.
Don't they already do that in drivers ed? They did with us (of course that was many years ago). I don't know that those pics would have much impact. Afterall, at that age you believe you are invincable and none of those things will ever happen to you. I would think an alcohol awareness class would have more of an impact.
QUOTE(Donita @ Sep 17 2007, 07:41 AM) [snapback]410953[/snapback] Don't they already do that in drivers ed? They did with us (of course that was many years ago). I don't know that those pics would have much impact. Afterall, at that age you believe you are invincable and none of those things will ever happen to you. I would think an alcohol awareness class would have more of an impact. He isnt taking a class from school for driving. Its like through A-1 Driving. I talked to him last night for a bit and I grabbed his face and told him "YOU have got to be more careful!! Something could have happened to you." He told me "I am fine, I am always fine, Nothing is going to happen to me". Last night he came by and got the rest of his stuff and his mother is letting him stay with friends rather than making him stay with her. These friends are the ones he was drinking with in the first place. Our other problem is that his mother is very ignorant when it comes to stuff about drinking. She doesnt seem to see what the big deal is and we just found out she has let him drink. I just feel that with his mom being SO irresponsable he doesnt have much of a chance. He feels very close to me and my husband(looks at my husband as a father figure)and feel that if we could just put perhaps some fear into him what could happen. Perhaps I need to take his mother also to a wreckage yard or show her some pictures? Taking an alcohol awarness class would be great but now that he isnt in our care we dont have much control over him. I just hope he comes to us for advice and concerns he has.
If he has the "won't happen to me" syndrome, and it sounds like he does, and it sounds like his mother does too, you are pretty much going up against a brick wall. I won't comment on her allowing him to drink. I believe that is a parents right to decide (provided he isn't a young child). At around 16, 17, it all depends on the people involved. My oldest son won't be 21 until next August and I have allowed him to have ONE drink here, and ONE drink there before. It can be done responsibly.
QUOTE(Donita @ Sep 17 2007, 04:37 PM) [snapback]411894[/snapback] If he has the "won't happen to me" syndrome, and it sounds like he does, and it sounds like his mother does too, you are pretty much going up against a brick wall. I won't comment on her allowing him to drink. I believe that is a parents right to decide (provided he isn't a young child). At around 16, 17, it all depends on the people involved. My oldest son won't be 21 until next August and I have allowed him to have ONE drink here, and ONE drink there before. It can be done responsibly. He will be 16 in October. My problem i guess is that i have alcoholics on my side of the family and my husband has alcoholics on his side. We have seen what alcohol can do. Most of the alcoholics in our family were young drinkers(they started between 14-16yr) and continued with the drinking as the got older. Isnt it illegal to have someone drink if they are under 21 even if they are in their own house with their parents presence? One of my sister in laws is an alcoholic and she "lets" her 14yr old drink. Well...I should say not just she lets him drink she has let him get drunk. I think it is crazy!! Especially because he has grown up to see how irresponsible she has been with drinking. My nephew hasnt just had a drink here and there he has actually gotten drunk. I just feel like it is a time bomb waiting to go off. Especially at this young age(just my opinion). He needs a wake up call before he kills himself or someone else. Thankfully he isnt driving yet but he is working towards it. Teenagers sure can be exhausting. I thought my 7yr old and 4yr olds were exhausting they are easy compared to dealing with my nephews.
when i was 16 it didnt matter what my parents would have said or did. i would have still done it. He probably end up just being able to hide it better... The pictures are a good idea but it probably wont stop him..
I don't know about other states, but it is legal in Texas. Most bars won't allow you to do it anymore, but years ago if you were with your parents and had a birth cert. proving they were your parents, they could buy a drink and hand it to you. The bar employees couldn't hand it to you, they had to give it to your parents who then handed it to you. I understand about alcoholics. My stepfather was an abusive drunk, who was always drunk. There is a difference IMO between not caring that your kids are out getting drunk, and allowing your kids (older kids) to have a drink with you every now and then. I think it's important that you also discuss the addictiveness of alcohol and the importance of moderation. Teenagers are exhausting. Next year we'll have 4 of them! I joke with Jeff that I'm moving out until they're all 18. :laughing:
http://www.gdcada.org/coalitions/aloud/law.htm QUOTE § 106.04 – Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor A minor commits an offense if they consume alcohol unless they are in the visible presence of, and have the consent of their adult parent, legal guardian, or spouse.
i would go high factual information.. take him to a morgue.. show him what its like to loose someone you really love.. hve one of his close friends lay there... i have no tolorance.. what so ever.. i saw a jail with the girlscouts and i swore i would never go in there.. im to clostrophobic..
He came over last night and stayed a bit and him and I talked. I told him about the things that could happen to him if he continues to drink and get drunk. I talked to him about Alcohol Poisioning and the Idea of why they law of 21 being the legal age is set. I was reading(this what I understood while reading this article) that young brains are not fully developed till about 2o-21. The part of the brain that is the last thing to develope is the part of being able to remember, learn. If a young person is drinking alcohol often, getting drunk that alcohol can hinder that develpement. I talked to him about how his mother would cry if he died. He tells me "If I am going to die that is how I want to die.....in a car crash." So I tell him "The worry isnt dying....Its surving and having major problems like your face being so burned, your body being burned, losing body parts." As we are talking he tells me that he bought(after having a few beers already)had "someone" buy him a 24 case of beer. I asked him how much of that did he drink? He says "half". That is just crazy!Stupid! I understand perhaps having one but unfortunatly teens dont always seem to know when to stop especially if they are enduring peer pressure. Everything I talked to him about last night his mother has never really talked with him about. I gave him other options that he could have done rather than drinking with his frineds. Instead of saying yes to that 2nd(3,4,5,6,7,8, and so on) beer he could have told them "No he was done." Or "that his Uncle would be mad he came home drunk." He tells me "If I wouldnt have drank the beer my friends would have made fun of me Monday." I say "You could have told them you had an appointment to be with us and perhaps called us to pick you up." I told him he could call anytime if that means it will stop you from doing something that YOU KNOW is not a good idea. Here in Washington State it is illegal for any adult(including the parent)to let a minor have a beer or buy a beer for a minor even if they are in their own house with their parents.
Just telling him don't do it and this is what will happen and so on is not going to make him stop. Teenagers are still going to do what they want. It's better to be open with them. Tell them you don't like it and you don't think they should be doing it, but you know they are going to experiment. Push the issue of having a designated driver, and if the driver does drink to call home for a ride. I don't think you can stop them from doing it, and going to pick them up if they do drink doesn't mean you are being supportive of it. You are just making sure that if they do make the stupid choice to drink, but are smart enough to call for a safe ride home then they get it. The only catch is that you can't lecture or discipline them for calling home for a ride. I don't think I would let it happen often, but at least there would still be open communication as opposed to sneaking around. Thats just my opinion. I wish I could explain better, but I'm not sure how to explain it. And no I don't think teenagers should be out drinking, but it wasn't that long ago that I was one and I know what I did and I know what my sisters did.
Good Luck to you and your hubby! Do NOT give up on him! Try to contact your local D.A.R.E. or M.A.D.D. chapters. I know MADD has several programs in place that include, photos, trips to impound yards where alcohol-fatal wrecks are housed, trips to jail and they have people who have been convisted of DUI's who do public speaking. Our chapter has a few teens who have to speak about their crime as part of their sentencing. Both were drunk with their friends and wrecked killing everyone else in their car. I even think one of their speaches start with...."I always thought it would never happen to me, but to the other guy. That night I was the other guy.". Again good luck, you are up against a lot in this. Also...see if either has "drunk glasses" they are these great goggle type glasses that show you what it is like when you are intoxicated and how your reaction time is impaired.
Since it wouldn't bother him to die in a car wreck, you could always ask him if he could live with the guilt of knowing he was to blame for a baby dying. How would you feel knowing a baby/young child died and it was because you drove after drinking. Do you think you can live with that?
QUOTE(Donita @ Sep 19 2007, 02:20 PM) [snapback]414904[/snapback] Since it wouldn't bother him to die in a car wreck, you could always ask him if he could live with the guilt of knowing he was to blame for a baby dying. How would you feel knowing a baby/young child died and it was because you drove after drinking. Do you think you can live with that? I did ask him the next night he came over how he feel knowing that his mother was crying over his death. Or she was crying over the fact that her son would be in jail because of killing someone. He actually had a different response when I talked to him like that. He said "No I wouldnt like that". As of last night he is living with us again with MANY RULES set in Place. If he fails this time he can go back home to live with his mother. He knows what he needs to do and what we expect from us if he wants to stay here till his mother finds a place to live. He isnt a baby anymore and it is time for him to start being responsible(which is something his mother hasnt taught him)for his actions. He does know that we love him and that if he is EVER in any trouble to call his aunt or uncle. He also knows how we feel about teens drinking. I have 3 little ones in my house and I dont want them to have to deal with or see a drunk teen.I dont want them to grow up thinking that teens drinking alcohol is okay because.....all the other teens are doing it. I grew up as a teen and didnt drink alcohol. At 21 I had my first beer. I didnt feel like I missed out on anything because I didnt drink beer. Thats how I want me kids to feel. We drink in our house but it is in moderation. My husband and I really want him to succeed in his life. This drinking situation is a subject that isnt closed just because it happend last week. Anything I can think of to make a point with him about how dangerous underage drinking is I am going to do. 15yrs old is way to young to be getting drunk. Since I know he has already tasted alcohol(13-14,maybe younger) its not about letting him try it its about making him understand that if he continues to drink and get drunk he could end up being an alcoholic(if he isnt one already). I cant remember the % but I heard that teens that drink alcohol before the age of 15yrs has a higher % of being adults with alcohol problems. I know that he has gotten drunk at the young age of 14(if not younger). As of now he is back and he is very happy about that. Hopefully he will be able to be more responsible with the decisions he makes.
I hope he stays alcohol free. I'm also glad to hear that he had a different reaction to the question about killing someone else.
QUOTE(Donita @ Sep 20 2007, 01:40 PM) [snapback]416349[/snapback] I hope he stays alcohol free. I'm also glad to hear that he had a different reaction to the question about killing someone else. I too hope he stays alcohol free. I just want him to understand that there is more than enough time for alcohol when he becomes an adult. Hopefully he will treat alcohol responsibly.
Dont let him get his license!!! If he's under your roof, and pulling theses stunts with no respect for your familly then he should feel the pain of consequences! And I probably would have poured tequila in his cereal the next morning and woke him up with a blowhorn at 5 am!
