What do you mean I can't do it ALL?

I've been feeling really frustrated and overwhelmed, but haven't been able to figure out why.
I have the perfect life; I like my job, I love my husband, and have two of the very best twin boys a mommy could ever want!

I get up at 4am to get ready to leave for work by 5am (and hopefully get a snuggle in with the twins if they wake early...no I don't wake them haha)

I work until 2:30ish, pick up the boys, do all the duties they require, put them to bed at 6:30pm, eat my dinner and by 7:30 I'm crashed! I have no energy to do bottles, laundry, make our meals etc...etc...All I want to do is watch trashy tv and fall asleep!

Luckily my dh has been picking up the slack!!! I truly feel I have the perfect life, I have everything I want! Why do I feel so tired??

But during a "meltdown" last night, dh helped me to understand what my issue has been,
I can't do it "ALL"! AAACCKKK!!!

I thought I was going to loose it, I screamed "OF COURSE I CAN"! He then gently told me that I can't give 110% of myself to everyone at the same time. Am I not a superhero? My boys will be so disappointed! haha
So I guess I have to live with only giving 80%???

I'm constantly thinking of ways to stay home with my boys, but financially it's just not possible. And I like my job, I just don't feel "present" anywhere but with my baibes.

My boys sleep through the night, so I'm not sleep deprived, but EXHUSTED! I feel like there isn't enough of me to go around! Emotionally, unless I'm with my boys I'm struggling, it's the only place I want to be.

Does this make any sense?? sorry for the ramble.

Does anyone else feel this way?

 

Yes, although I SAH I am always exhausted and cant wait for the kids to go to bed so I can clean up the kitchen and family room and :faint: into bed. There arent enough hours in the day to get everything done. I know I am no superhero but I try to do it all. At least enough so that my kids think I am a superhero But that leaves little time for me and DH. So our relationship does suffer a bit. I think I will always feel like there is never enough of me to go around to 3 kids, a DH, and 2 dogs, and then me (in that priority). But I am okay with that. :hug:

 

Thanks Rachel! So how do you get to that? I try to tell myself, I'm doing the very best I can with what ever I'm doing...and try to lower my expectation on myself and enjoy the moment...but it's so hard. Maybe it's just my personality...
thanks for your response!

 

I think I just got tired of feeling like I was failing everyone around me. And just finally figured out I cant do it all anymore. I think it just came in time. So, my kids are always my number one priority. Even when I am dragging, they get me. I may be unshowered and still in my pj's until noon, but we are playing, doing crafts, etc.

 

Oh Specky, I totally know where you are coming from. I felt like I should be able to do it all for everyone, especially after the twins were born. Then I realized it was physically and emotionally impossible. I was miserable! I am a SAHM, so I don't have work to worry about (right now) but I finally realized that I had to prioritize. The Kids, DH, and then me.. so the whole house cannot be sparkling clean every day. I just take one room a day and clean it. I set and expect very high expectations of myself and get frustrated when I don't meet them so I am slowly but surely realizing that I need stop being so hard on myself and just do the best I can each day. Big :hug:

 

:hug: Yes, I have felt this way. I chose to let the housework be a pretty low priority. I just can't do it all, it's too much! I totally know how are you feeling.

 

I admire you SO much. Not only do you have twin boys but you manage a full time job, housework, all that? Wow. I'm a SAHM and I can't even do it all. You're doing what you can, and doing ALL that you can. Let the little things wait. You're doing a phenomenal job.

:hug:

 

I think your "meltdown" was actually the first step in feeling better: realizing that you can't do it all, that you only have so much to give. Its at that point that you can really prioritize what you need to give what you have to - always keeping your DH and your boys as the top two on the list, and then if all you can give for that day is to them, you've accomplished the most important thing!

Some days, we are really superheros (or so it feels!), but others, we feel like failures if we put that much pressure on ourselves. I know; I am a typical type A firstborn perfectionist. I struggle with it daily but I am getting better.

 

:hug: I finally ran out of steam when the boys were about 18 months. I was on an adrenaline rush until then but I really didn't enjoy all the fun times. I was always trying to prevent fights and prevent mess. Now my house is a mess and clean laundry is never put away, but I enjoy the little things with my kids. I give you big props for working AND doing all the house things. It is so hard just to manage the family and house things. You are doing a great job!

P.S. I get up around 6 and go to bed by 8 (when DH is in town) and 9 when he's away. I'm still exhausted ALL the time!

 

Specky,

First, I want to tell you that you are not alone in your feelings! The quotes above are exactly how I have been feeling, but have been unable to put them in words until you wrote this post. Thank you! Now I think I could sit down and talk with my husband about how I feel and him understand at least a little!

I had the "super hero" thought until just a couple of months ago when everything hit the fan at the same time and my DH and I just looked at each other and laughed. All we could do at that point is laugh. I have found that when the overwhelmed feeling hits, I take a deep breath, smile, laugh and kiss my boys!

Thank you again for sharing this...you have helped me put into words exactly what I was feeling! I almost cried when I read this.

Take care and laugh often!

April

 

Oh man, do I hear you. What do u mean I can't do it all?? I can, I can!! It is so much easier listening to someone else say this and cheering her on! Alas, that is not our life- we have to let things slide. What keeps me going is the vision of things to come- next year my yard will look incredible! Look how much we are saving by staying home! Honestly I feel your pain and I can't wait until my kids are older so I can continue to live my life!! Best of luck!

 

Thanks everyone for your tireless support! I knew "you" would get it!!!

DH and I had a great heart to heart and I realize that I need to have the attitude of "I can only do the best I can with what I have at this time".

I also had a chat with my supervisor, because I hate feeling like I'm not giving all of me. She seems to understand and feels that I am doing an exceptional job...yay!

So I will try to live in the moment, because that's where all the "pulp" is, right?

THanks again!!!
reb

 

:hug: sorry things came to a head but by the sounds of it, it has done you some good! I'm glad your feeling more positive about things, i honeslty don't know where i'd be doing all that you do! Your doing a fantastic job!

 

Oh, I am sooooo there with you! I am up at 5:00 every morning to walk, then kids up and to school, at work by 8:30, home by 6:30, feed kids and put them to bed, then dinner, wash dishes, and crash - trashy TV included. I have reached the point of admitting that it's okay that I can't do it all. I hired someone to do our lawn, and I'm hiring a cleaning person. It's not going to be easy to afford and it's going to slow down our debt payoff, but I can't do it all (we can't do it all - DH and I).

So, I feel your pain, and my advice is to find some way to outsource something. I know it's hard to afford, but if you look at your budget, you can probably find somewhere to cut corners to make it happen.

:hug:

 

The bolded part is really the crux of it for me. I just feel all the time that I'm not doing anything well, and I'm letting everyone down. Letting go of that and recognizing all the ways we kick a$$ is important. Yay for your supervisor giving you a little ego boost!

 

Ok, I came home, after drinks with a friend (got home about 5pm-I know, pretty early-baby steps right!), and noticed that dh hired someone to mow our lawn! I LOVE too mow lawns, but just don't have it this year...I was SOOOOOO happy, it was getting so long we bagged some up to give to the cows and pigs LOL!

Now we can go outside and play on the lawn and not play in the "field"...dh had dinner all ready and everything...i had another yucky day at work, and realized i'm taking it home with me...I'm now doing what you guys suggested...focusing on the important things. I'm not going to check email, or think about work once i leave my office...it's not worth it!

thanks again guys!!
reb