Hubby and I are both at rock bottom in terms of energy and at an all time high when it comes to stress. We have decided that we need to make a list of everything that is hard for us to do these days and come up with a list of possible solutions to each. For example, we used to go grocery shopping sunday mornings with all the kids but taking all 4 kids out and teh strollers etc left no room for groceries and it was just so dang stressful so last night hubby went after the kids all went to bed by himself. This is probably not the way we are going to do it every week but that's one possibility. The other is that anotehr (more expensive than walmart) grocery store delivers and you can order online, but it would cost more, hmmm. We were thinking things like: having a maid come in once every 2 weeks to do the floors and clean the bathrooms something that never gets done (the down side of this is that maybe the $$ would be better spent on a sitter once a month instead???) establishing some me time for each of us, perhaps one saturday a month where hubby can have the majority of the day to himself (which would work better in the summer) and maybe either me just suck it up or bring in someone to help me that day and then we'd work out the same thing for me Date night once a month and getting 2 sitters (yeah i really feel we need 2 anyone gone this route??) And so on.... Problem is we don't have $$ for all of this sadly and family is of NO help despite the fact they live 2 minutes away and are both retired (don't get me started on them haha) so i thought I'd ask everyone here What have you all done to make your lives run easier and reduce the stress while caring for twinfants, any ideas are welcomed and MUCH appreciated we have got to get creative here and be proactive about our stress and hopefully make ourselves happier or at least less likely to wear a tin foil hat in the process. Thanks SO MUCH!!!
We only have our twins, I couldn't imagine having 4 kids! WOW! --I have been doing the grocery shopping on my own and hubby watches the girls. It works well for us. --A friend of mine with twins has someone come 2x week to help out and she said "money well spent". --Do you have any friends with older teens that might want to double up and babysit?? Cheaper to pay two teens rather than an adult and maybe they would charge you less? --Or maybe someone/neighbour with a younger daughter looking for some babysitting experience that might want to "learn the ropes" and help you change some diapers and entertain the kids while you get stuff done around the house. For free. Kids around here do the babysitting course and I think thats great but they need real experience before they actually do paid babysitting (in my opinion). I am planning on doing this with our neighbours daughter and then will pay her to babysit once she gets used to the babies.
Here are some of the things I do: DH and I try to go out at least one evening a month sometimes more. We usually just go and hang out with some of our friends and we don't usually leave until 8:30 when all the kids are sleeping. This way I only have to get one babysitter! (I used to get two but I was lucky because my cousins would come) If I need to get groceries during the week then my grandmother usually comes over after dinner when the twins are sleeping so that she really only has to take care of one child. Then I slip away for an hour or so. I have never ever taken the twins to the local grocery store because its just easier for me that way. If we get groceries on the weekend I usually go and leave DH at home with the kids. Sometimes that hour or so is the only time I get away all week and I treasure it dearly I try to do at least one load of laundry a day so that I don't get behind in that and it seems to keep it from piling up. Also I got one of those brooms that has the dust pan on a handle so you don't have to bend over all the time and I actually sweep up their messy meals every time know! I know I don't scrub the toilette often enough but their are more important things right now. To me everyone being sain and happy is the most important thing so I personally would choose a baby sitter over a house keeper right now. I found that spending 15-20 minutes twice a day picking things up kept me ontop of most things. Sometimes I even set the microwave timer for 15 minutes and you would be surprised what you can all get done. DH and I also decided that we had to have all the dishes done everynight before we go to bed. This is something we just recently started and it is working out really well. Otherwise I used to always do any left over dishes in the afternoon when the twins were sleeping but If I got company in the morning than everything was a mess I wouldn't spend the extra money getting your groceries delivered. I would take that opportunity to get some quiet time to yourself and go without your kids. It is what I look forward to every week. I used to feel guilty about asking my family and friends for help but now I don't. an hour here or there is totally manageable for them. If its going to be a long day than I try to take them to day care or get two babysitter at my house. Remember that they are only there for a short while and you have to deal with them all the time!! so cute yourself some slack and take all the help you can get
I don't really have any suggestions, but I am very curious to hear what other people do. I am really glad you posed this question. I have been wondering the same thing lately and was thinking of posting something similar. I am realizing that trying to do everything on my own without ever getting a real break is not good for any of us. Looking forward to hearing more!
We only have the twins, I cannot imagine having more than that, but here are some things we do to help. DH and I work shift work of all hours of the day, therefore we have to have help. But family is no where close to us. -Maid service comes every 4 weeks to clean the house. Yes, we can pick it up and do some cleaning from time to time, but not the BIG cleaning. -Prefill all bottles before going to bed for the night. -We like to run errands together because it gets the kids out of the house. It may be only 2 hours, but its out of the house which is important to us. -I have hardwood floors and we have a roomba that runs every night. That has made a HUGE release of stress for me. If I think of more, I will wright them down, but that is all for now. Jenn
Our biggest splurge to make life easier is to have someone come and clean every 2 weeks. It is only $80 for them to vacuum, sweep, mop, clean the kitchen, clean the bathrooms... this makes it a lot easier when we only have to focus on the day to day things. We haven't found any solutions for babysitters...we have a friend who will always babysit but we feel like we are abusing the privilege if we ask too often. We don't really know anyone in town so it is hard to know who to trust with 2 infants. We don't find ourselves going out much because it is hard to get anything done in between naps because we still take 3 naps a day. They go to bed by 7 PM so I usually do my grocery shopping after they are in bed.
On the babysitting front - Could you look at local churches/colleges for students looking for community service? I think it'll depend on your comfort level with people you don't know so well, but there are some great people out there willing to do things for free! When I was in high school, I was looking for infant experience (I had only babysat for older kids) and answered an ad for a mother's helper - I basically played with her baby and older kids while she napped or relaxed, helped her clean, etc. Then, when the babies were a little older and she was more comfortable with me, she'd run errands while I watched them. I did get paid, but it was peanuts in comparison to the going rate. I was happy because I loved babies and it was great experience and she was happy because it was cheap labor!
:grouphug: For me, you are in the hardest month or two. All of a sudden, our pretty good sleeping babies, stopped! Ha. It was hard. Their naps stunk, maybe 30-45 minutes, bedtime/night time - gah!! What I'm saying is, I think it gets better. Right now when we put our boys to bed between 6:30 and 7, they sleep! So in the not too distant future, you will probably be able to get 1 babysitter to take care of your older two - and listen to the monitor for any random wake up call from the babies... But back to NOW, so you aren't wearing a tinfoil cap in a couple months. My best advice is figure out what is driving you the MOST crazy. Is it the house work piling up, is it the lack of couple time with your DH, is it the lack of "me" time? Then do whatever you need to do to get that!!! We did hire someone to come clean our house. It is a lifesaver, and when she is done, I just have a sense of peace with the tidiness! Things may be spinning out of control, but hey, the floors are vacuumed! :rotflmbo: For me time, my DH and I will frequently take turns on the weekend, one person gets up with the boys while the other sleeps in on Sat, then switch on Sunday. It may only be an extra hour or two, but WOW, that makes a difference. Shopping - for me, I like to get out of the house, so it's something that I enjoy doing. I'll either take my boys, or DH will stay home with them. I don't have 4 though, if I did, then that service to bring in the groceries sounds pretty good! Hope you find some things that work for you!
We have a cleaner come in once a week to clean the house and we send my oldest to her dayhome twice a week. These 2 things have helped me tremendously. They both cost money but its better than me losing my mind-hahaha. I send hubby grocery shopping, i hate doing it anyways. Good luck.
It is so hard! Here is what I do: At work, lunch time usually one day a week I make up the menu for the following week as to what we're going to eat and I make a shopping list paralelle with that. I stick to eat, so food is out of the way. I clean on Saturdays and I take the boys with me in a bouncy seat wherever I go. They love the vacuum cleaner, so that is no problem, dusting I don't get to very often. If everything else fails I ask my 6 year old to entertain them and she does a very good job, the boys love to watch her. I put the boys to bed at 6.30-7 and I do the grocery shopping one day after that. I prepare the whole day worth of formula/lunch for my daughter/husband/myself after that time. I usually still get to watch my shows or sit in front of the computer. Going out would be nice, but we are not there yet. Eventually. I would definitely spend the money on this one.
I have 4 kids too, and right now you are in the thick of it. In another couple of months, when the babies are less needy and starting to play more, it starts to get easier. I don't worry about "picking up" all day long. I have 4 kids. You come for a visit, you deal with the toys in my living room! I do a big clean up after everyone is in bed, totally clean up all the toys in the living room so we can walk. DH has been doing dishes in the morning after he takes our oldest ds to school. If he can't get it done, I try to at least throw a load in the dishwasher sometime during the day (usually around lunch time), so we can clean it out after supper. I have been known to run a load with just a handfull of pots and pans in it, just because I don't have time to scrub them when they pile up! I try to toss a load in the laundry every day. I won't say it gets folded (NEVER gets folded, invest in a laundry basket for each person! ), but it's clean at least. I keep lysol wipes in the bathroom, and use the clorox toilet bowl scrubber brushes. Takes me 10 mins to scrub the toilet and clean the toilet top and around the sink. I do that when I think about it, couple times a month. Usually sneak it in when I go use the bathroom! DH scrubs the shower when he showers, again couple times a month or so. I keep a small vacuum out near my main living areas. Takes me a short moment to plug it in and run a quick vacuum over the floors when they need it. The twins are so used to the noise it doesn't even scare them (scares my 3 yr old more! ). I do my shopping every friday, I take the 3 youngest kids with me. I have a list (keep a marker board on the fridge and write down things we need as we run out), and I know my store layout. I usually organize my list in order of what I get the night before I go shopping, it makes it simple to just go down the list and scratch things off. Every second friday my dh is off so he helps me, but every second friday I go by myself. If I need to my MIL will keep the kids, but I don't like to leave them all with her at once, so I usually leave the older ones and take the twins, they fight less! I go after a nap and after they've eaten, and take snacks/drinks with us! I keep a snack cupboard within reach of my older kids so they can pick their own snack, I just open the package for them. They know how to get a bowl out too. I also keep 2 jugs in the fridge with , the spigot on the front, one with cold water, one with juice/water. My oldest ds can get water/juice for him and his sister when they need it. Everyone's dirty clothes go into my laundry room in hampers. One for dh and I, one for the big kids, one for the twins. That way I can see who needs what washed, and it's just a matter of throwing it in! If I think of more I'll post them later, gotta go feed babies!
Thanks so much everyone keep em coming! I have learned that twin mommies are definitely innovative, we have to be. I know we haven't even had time to make our list, ironic eh? :FIFblush:
First of all, hugs to you! I can imagine you are drained with 4 but what a wonderful family. That being said, I am glad you are thinking about stuff like this now. There were some great ideas out there. Personally, I want to find babysitting (we have no family here) but every time I go to take the plunge and start looking, my mind just shuts down. Just one more thing to take up my time and worry about, rather just deal...although that is not the solution. I think you pick what will ease your stress more first. Try getting the house cleaned for a couple months and see how you like it. I do all the small cleaning on a weekly basis now, but I would love someone to come in and mop, wash baseboards/windows, etc. There is a lot of dust here! Supposedly there are daycares with drop-in rates, some full days, some hourly...I don't know how big your area is but you may want to check into that or even propose it to a couple of daycares/home daycares that might appeal to you. Especially in this economy, they are probably willing to be a little flexible. You are right, everything is more money - a woman in my twins group does drop-in for $35/day per child...a great deal for my area. I haven't done it yet but $70/month for 1 day to myself feels like it is going to be worth it. My DH and I do the trade-off weekend thing...he sleeps in one day, I sleep in the other. So we snag a couple extra hours but it is really hard to find time for us and as long as we keep communicating we know that one day there will be time again, but we also need our alone time (we were used to so much of it before.) I think if you get two babysitters, get them for a weekend during the day so you and DH can do your own thing, possibly meet for lunch or something, or just spend the day together, etc. I can't speak for you obviously but I can think of ways in our budget we could cut to make that happen...most likely eating out 2 less times a month and there is probably 4-5 hours of babysitting right there! Whatever you do, write down your whole wish list, prioritize it, pick a couple of things to start with, and just make it happen for your sanity. Lastly, do you have any friends with kids where it may be possible to do a babysitting trade. We have done that a couple times and it has been a great way to have free babysitting? Hang in there lady! :hug: (edited to add) P.S. I think the PP idea about a high school helper is a really great idea. Someone who could come by after school for a couple hours a few times a week and once you were more comfortable, then longer stints alone. I would call the school and literally get the principals or counselors office(I think that is where part-time opportunities were posted through at my HS), or, post at a local church.
Thanks so much for all the advice! We have started a new earlier bedtime (now after their 8:30 bottle vs after a bottle at 10 or 10:30) and once they get used to it that should help us at least have a few minutes to ourselves which will be HUGE!!! I am a bit nervous to use a mothers helper because my 11 yo is somewhat incapable. I know she is still young and I don't mean incapable in a bad way, she really is a good kid and has a good heart and really does help, its just that sometimes with a child they don't have the ability to forsee what will happen if you do X etc so the help actually turns into more work kwim. She is great at being an extra set of hands. What age is the best? I know my 11 yo is more flighty or more of a daydreamer thus her not being ready for babysitting or even being a mothers helper. (Please don't get me wrong she does help and I couldn't do it without her but sometimes it just creates more work but I lover her dearly.) Also since I need the extra help during the weekday hours when they would probably be in school I don't know how that would work. Maybe someone who is homeschooled? The babies are 5 months today and I can't believe we've made it this far and all on our own thank you very much *cough ILs cough*.
I do the same exact thing. I pay a little more because of the help with laundry. Folding and putting away. Older teens or college students are good investments too.
