What do you do when your kids have a tantrum?

Seriously at a loss. DD's tantrums will last 30 minutes or more, she's beet red, hyperventilating, shaking her arms etc... I honestly don't know how to handle it. Really don't want to give her any kind of attention for it but really, can I just ignore her for 40 minutes???

 

Can you put her in her room when the tantrum starts and let her out when it's done? That's what I would do

My two's tantrums last all of like 20 seconds, that's what we had to do with Alice one time. They know that I don't care if they pitch a tantrum, so the quicker they get over it, the sooner they can get back to play.

 

My DS went through a 6-ish week phase with those kinds of tantrums. He just screamed and ran around the house if he didn't get what he wanted, and half the time I couldn't even figure out what it was he wanted since he's speech delayed. I made myself crazy trying to figure out what he wanted, trying to distract him with other things, and nothing worked. Ignoring him is the only thing I could do. When it got really bad, when he started throwing things and when my nerves were fried, I would put him in his room for 10 minutes and lock the door. He'd continue the tantrum, but when I would get him after 10 minutes, he would let me hold him and help him calm down. He had at least 5 of these raging tantrums a day and they lasted at least 15 minutes, but usually closer to 30-45.

I feel for you as it was an awful time. Luckily it only lasted about 6 weeks and shortly thereafter he made huge gains in language and overall development. I think for him, his brain was going through a lot of changes and gearing up for the huge developmental strides.

I have a friend who is a behavior specialist so I asked her about what to do. She said no matter what--do not reward the tantrum by giving in to the demand or giving the child too much attention for it. She suggested ignoring it completely so long as the child wasn't hurting himself or helping him calm down if he'd let me hold or rock him.

 

I had one child who could not calm down after a tantrum by himself. When I ignored a tantrum, one child would just stop after realizing that I wasn't going to give in, but the other one would just keep going and going. I realized that he didn't know how to calm himself down after going into a tantrum. So I started to help him calm down by giving him a hug and patting his back. I would let him scream and cry for a little while to let him blow off steam, then when he seemed ready, I would give him a hug. I still wouldn't give in to his demands, but the hugging helped him calm down and come out of the tantrum. I don't think the attention made him any more prone to tantrums than his brother. He just needed extra help controlling his feelings until he was a little older.

 

Mine go into the bedroom in a crib and I tell him to call me when he's done crying/having a fit.

He'll go in there and go ballistic for as long as it takes and I'll go and knock on the door and say "You done?"

and inevitably he'll say "NO!" so I'll walk away and he'll carry on

Then I'll hear, (2 min later)


"Mommy, all done."

And I go in and get a happy baby. It has NEVER failed me. We've done this since they were about 18 months. We do it in public too. We find "fit rooms" and use them. They even put themselves in them. Works great.

 

We have done a little bit of everything above. And at some point they have all worked. I also read "Child of Mine" as recommended here by a Mod. It was a great read and really helped me try and figure out what is/was causing the tantrums and what I can do about them when the traditional stuff like above wouldnt work in some instances. Hang in there. This is a really trying age. :hug:

 

My daughter did this for 3 weeks after my parents left. 40 mins full-on. One time we were out for lunch with my dh. Luckily we were outside so and only one person ended up having her lunch ruined. We just let her go, because nothing else worked for her. I continued to be consistent with her and I think that helped. It made her realize that no matter what happens in the world or her feelings -- the rules stay the same. The tantrums continue but not like they were. Hopefully your stage passes soon.

Heather

 

Another recommendation for putting the child in a separate quiet room. My DS had one of those tantrums a couple of weeks ago. Normally, if I don't give a tantrum attention, they will stop within a couple of minutes and this particular one-that was just not working. I finally took him up to his crib, laid him down and left him there for about 15- 20 minutes. He calmed down within 5 minutes of me doing that and started to play with toys. When I went to get him, it was like nothing happened, he was happy as he could be.
I also like the fitting room idea for when this happens out in public, I will keep that in mind!

 

Yesterday I just started putting my one son in his crib for his tantrums and I was suprised how well it worked. He's delayed in speech and can start up for any reason. During the day yesterday I was at my wits end so I put him in his crib and closed the door. Within 5 minutes he calmed down, I walked in and he said "hi" all happy.

Same thing last night when he did not want to get out of the tub. He started screaming so I put his diaper on, brought him to his room and closed the door. By the time I was finished dressing his brother he calmed down and I was able to dress him.

Don't you love this age. :diablo: