What do you do when your kids fight together?

Hi Mommies,

Ever since my kids started arguing and biting one another over one toy they both wanted to play with, I used to interfere "no Joseph" "no Johnny" fearing that they heart each other.

but now, with my short 2 years experience as a mother, I noticed that it might not be a wise behaviour, especially after noticing that one of the boys seems to be at many times very peaceful. Here's a scenario that happens frequently: when they are both playing with their little tikes cosy coupe (there's one red and one black and white) if Johnny comes over to his brother to play with the red, Joseph gives it to him instantly without any objection. If after a minute, Johnny decided that he want to play again with the black and white one, Joseph opens the door and give that car to his brother without any objection! this scenario can be repeated 4 times during half an hour or so.

Fortunately, that doesn't happen with all toys and in all circumstances. Now Joseph is the kind of boys who likes to please his parents and is upset if we give him a remark. besides, if we tell him don't do that, he listens and doesn't repeat it to the opposite of his brother Johnny.

I am concerned that maybe when I used to interfere between them when they argued, I said something to Joseph (No Joseph) and he understood that he shouldn't object. Besides, since personality is forged in young age, what do I have to do to make my son understands that he doesn't have to give up to his brother's wish.

Any advice would be highly welcomed as I am quite confused on how should I behave in such circumstances. by the way, my DH told me to behave the opposite way: in other words, to give something to Johnny only, in order to let Joseph take it from his brother. anyway, I wasn't quite convinced in that method too.

Thanks a bunch for your help.

 

I'd praise Joseph for sharing and I would make sure to praise Johnny when he shares something too, but it's all I would do... If it's their character to be nice I wouldn't try and change it yet. They're still young, they'll have plenty of opportunities to ascertain themselves later on... and in my experience DS (who's a bit like Joseph) actually feels good about himself when he shares nicely with his sister, so I really see no reason to change that... especially as it means less fights over toys (my kids almost never fight).

 

I agree with PP. I would definitely praise the sharing, and not stop that. What you might want to do as well, is if Johnny's behavior ever gets to the point where it is something he shouldn't do to another child, you may want to take that opportunity to let him know it isn't OK. I say this because I asked my pedi about my boys and she said even if my calmer twin is putting up with the harrassment, I should be aware that the more agressive twins behavior is not appropriate with other children. WHich is important for when he is around other kids.

 

My one twin was more passive but she found her voice. I think with kids the adult "rules" dont' apply. Someone coming over and taking a toy means different to a toddler, it means "hey I like what you are doing with that and let me see wHat i can do with it". When my daughter started to take a stand for something she wanted then we taught her to say to her sister "no I dont' like that" often at times putting up her hand in a stop type motion. We taught her to say it louder since she is so quiet. We figured she needed help to stand up for herself.

Heather