What do you do when you don't like their speech therapist?

I really don't know what to do here and i hardly even know where to begin. Please bear with me if this is a little long.
Basically, I'm just not thrilled with their speech therapist. I think we got off on the wrong foot and things ARE getting better but I still kind of dread their sessions. It started with the initial phone call when she called to confirm our time. Our EI coordinator told me it would be 10, which was great because it didn't interfere with lunch or naps, etc. When the therapist called she said it would be 10:30 so I got confused because their lunch is at 11. She seemed really annoyed when I hesitated and said I thought it would be 10 but I wanted my kids to start their therapy so I chalked it up to her having a bad day and set the appt for 10:30, figuring we would just work around it.
When she came for our first visit, I was expecting her to do a pretty thorough evaluation of her own but she just asked, "So tell me about what they do during the day" and I gave her few sentences and she didn't ask anything else. When she started working with them, she was trying to get them to make choices so she would hold 2 toys up to one and ask him to choose, as soon as she did that the other one would grab for both toys. Again, she gets annoyed and says, "We need to stop this grabbing behavior". That set my teeth on edge because if she said "This grabbing behavior is going to slow down their therapy sessions" and recommended some techniques to try before their next session I would have been totally willing to work on it but I was left feeling judged like they lack discipline.
Second session comes and she wants them to sit at the table and do "more structured play" - my boys are VERY physical, they're climbers and runners and I had my doubts about the success of having them sit confined at the table but I kept my thoughts to myself. She tried to get them to do several things and at first they were fine but then they were just over sitting at the table and wanted to run around and play so they started getting frustrated. They got more and more frustrated until they just melted down and freaked out and she says "So this is what they do when they don't get their way?". I wanted to smack her but I said, "No, this is very unusual". So then we had a somewhat terse conversation about how we follow a more child directed approach with their play because I have read that that is more constructive for kids their age. It was totally obvious that she felt like I was trying to tell her how to do her job but I felt like I was advocating for my kids since I know them and she doesn't.
The next session came and she was like a different person, she was willing to try other techniques that are more developmentally appropriate for them and she really seemed like she wanted to make our time as beneficial as possible. In all fairness, I feel like shes really trying and I like her on a personal level much more now than I did. The weird thing now though is that she seems to still think that my kids are little wild men with no discipline and she seems to have no clear understanding of what they can do and can't do. Instead of asking me what we do to discipline them, (and we have a very consistent discipline routine) she spent 10 minutes giving me tips about effective discipline techniques. Also, shes asked me several times if I've seen improvement in areas that they are totally normal in. Yesterday she asked if they were improving at sitting and reading books with me and turning the pages and pointing at things in the book. We read books all day long, they love it. They were turning the pages before they were a year old and have been pointing at things in books for months!
I really don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can talk to her about it because I feel like we are still backing off the brink of an adversarial relationship after our breakdown in the second session. I think if I just stick it with her, she'll get to know the boys and I better and everything would, in the end, be fine but for now its like shes got these totally wrong impressions of my kids and I have to spend part of every session undoing her misapprehensions. So I don't know what to do. I have a call in to their coordinator and I'm waiting on a call back but I don't even know what I want out of that phone call.
Anybody got any thoughts or advice?

ETA: wow, this is crazy long, thanks to anybody who made it all the way through it

 

Would it be possible to talk with her sometime when the boys are not present (sleeping, or with dad, or being entertained by someone else, etc.)? It sounds like you need to have at least one more very open conversation with her about how this is not about discipline or how to be a more effective parent. If she thinks those things are inseparable from speech therapy (and she may), then at least make sure she realizes that you have already done a lot of thinking about this.

If her style of parenting is different from yours and she isn't willing to leave you alone about that, yet she can't really explain how it's directly related to therapy, then I think EI should set you up with a different therapist.

I know you said that you didn't feel you could confront this issue with her directly, but it seems like the alternatives are to either go over her head and request a new therapist, or grit your teeth and go through this every session (at least for the next few times) until you can get a better sense of whether it will ever improve. GL!

 

I think talking to your service coordinator is a good first step. The coordinators tend to know the therapists and their styles, at least in my experience. Your coordinator might have some ideas on how to get the relationship onto better footing, or she might have a suggestion for a different therapist who might fit your parenting style and boys' personalities better. I know in my area, ST are hard to come by so it might be unlikely that there would be another therapist who could work with your boys.

If you decide to stick it out with this therapist, you may find that things improve a lot as she gets to know your boys and as they get familiar with her. I know my son Aidan had quite a few meltdowns in the early days of therapy. He was not used to someone else directing his play, and he would run to me to "rescue" him from the therapist. (Like you, I had read that play at this age should not be parent or adult direced. However, in therapy sessions I understand why the therapist needs to direct the play so that it can be used for therapeutic outcomes.) Anyway, when I supported what the therapist was wanting him to do, he'd freak out. He had to learn that during therapy the therapist was in charge. Once he learned that, he began much more cooperative.

Aidan is also very active--running, climbing all the time, etc--and his ST often has him jump for a few minutes or bounce on an exercise ball for a few minutes when it seems like he has too much energy to focus on whatever she wants him to do. That might be something your therapist could try. Or you could try lots of physical play before the session so that they can get out some of that energy and the session can be more productive.

Good luck!

 

I thought the PP's had some good suggestions of what you can do. But, just wanted to add that I'd be a little angry in your shoes. Your kids aren't even 2! It's completely normal for a toddler to be active and not want to sit still for therapy, and for the therapist to make snide remarks to you about their behavior is unacceptable.

I've found that therapists have widely varying styles. My son Kevan is in two different speech therapies each week -- the first is oral motor therapy at a clinic, where we focus on pronouncing sounds correctly and blending vowels and consonants, plus tongue movement, etc. And he also has traditional play-based therapy in our home.

Kevan *is* a little wild man -- he cannot sit still to save his life. Some of it is a sensory issue, I'm fairly sure. But, the oral motor therapist actually straps him into a chair where can't move at all, and does most of the session like that. The regular speech therapist chases him around our basement, puts him in a swing, has him bounce on the trampoline, etc.

And, depending on the day, he performs equally well (or not well!) for both of them.

One more thing -- both your kids need therapy, and she does their sessions together? I know that would never work at our house. We need to separate the kiddos in order to get anything out of Kevan. For one thing, Karina talks for him, and for another, it just ends up being a huge chaotic mess. I wonder if the therapist could come on separate days for each of them?

 

I thought I clicked on my post! I've having similar issues with their developmental therapist. I am beginning to truly hate Tuesday mornings.

Her way of doing things are very by the book. She comes at 9:00 and by 10-10:30 it's time for their snack and she does not like that it falls during her time. She was telling my one son yesterday that he got crumbs on the floor. Ummm yes...that happens all the time, they're 22 months.

She is always telling me what to do and gave me a website on how to be a positive parent.

A few weeks ago, they had colds and she kept telling me I needed to wipe their nose. At one point she said " his nose is running are you going to do something about it". :aggressive:

She also goes against my way of discipline. I give them a warning and then they go to time out. She will talk to them and tell them it's ok. My one guy will throw tantrums and I will ignore him and within a few minutes when he realizes nobody is paying attention it will stop. She will talk to him and will keep asking him what's wrong.

I really want to get another DT. The problem is that I just had their speech therapist switch to Tuesday's so they will be there at the same time. I'm hoping that with the other therapist here, it will be easier.

She is the only one I have issues with. We've have physical, speech, developmental and occupational therapists.

If you don't like her, I would ask for a new therapist. If things don't change for me, I'll be doing the same.

Good Luck!

 

You know, I love my EI therapists, but I think that with any of them it's really hard not to feel judged. Plus they're not with the children as much as we are so it's difficult for them to really know what they can and can not do... I've had my therapists ask me if they do something yet, when they've done it a lot for me, just not for her... and they try to give me some advice on things to do also... and yup I take it personally sometimes (and honestly often feels awful after a session), but I think really they are just trying to help.

The thing is, I'm sure that for every mom on this forum you won't find two who parent the same way, so when you put a random therapist with your children, there's bond to be different opinions... I think it would be extremely lucky to find one that does the same things as you do. Plus when your kids have a delay, you already feel guilty about it, so it's hard to start on neutral ground.

So I'd just take it with a grain of salt and try out a bit longer... and if you don't notice any progress after two months, I'd talk to the coordinator.

 

Thanks for all the responses, it helps to know I'm alone trying to navigate this EI stuff.
Here is the update: The coordinator called me back and I asked her advice on how to handle this situation. An awkward situation went from bad to worse as I realized that the coordinator is a personal friend of the therapist. Ugh. At her suggestion, she got us set up with a new therapist because she agreed that the communication between the therapist and I wasn't on good footing but made comments several times that the problems I was having "didn't sound like the (name of therapist) that I know".
So now I feel like I went with my gut and did the right thing for my kids but I also feel like a total schmuck.

 

Yikes, that's too bad about the coordinator being friends with the therapist! It's probably for the best that you got a new one. I hope the new therapist works great for you guys!