What do you do when Time out doesnt work anymore?

My DD.. Is very disrespectful to me, and she doesnt listen to me at all. She treats me like i am nothing to her. I know that its just her age, but i am at my wits end. I feel like i am going to hit her sometimes. I just dont knwo what to do anymore.
I do so much for her and she doesnt seem to care at all. It really makes me sad and feel like i am a horrible mother..

TIA

 

It is the age. She is testing her bounderies. Try taking away something that has value to her, that will probably get her attention quickly.

Also, I am moving this to 1-5, because you will probably get a better response in there.

 

I know where you are, I am walking in your shoes.
My two boys have different ways of driving me crazy, Alex has some anger issues that drive me out of my wits, he can just go crazy and hit (til there is blood!). He doesn't do time outs very well, he will just sit there and laugh (which makes me even madder), or if he has to go to his room he plays and there is really no point in that kind of time out. He also waits a few minutes to repeat whatever he was doing that send him to time out. Up to 5 or 10 times.

Ollie shrieks and he has this new very annoying habit of yelling "heyheyheyhey" while you are talking to him, until you are quiet for a second in which he loudly announces "LISTEN to me!!!!".
To give you a better idea, it sounds about like this:
"I want chocolate!"
"No Ollie, no chocolate before supper!"
"But I want chocolate, how about I get some chocolate..."
"No Ollie, look we will have some nice su..."
"HeyheyheyheyheyheyheyHEYHEY... listen to me!!! I get some chocolate!"

If he is in time out he just cries. Badly! Like in 2 year old tantrum badly! He will also beat his head against things, he will beat me, he will beat Alex (which triggers the aforementioned anger issues).

I have no idea how to "fix" this and am hoping it is just a phase, because they are driving me crazy. And to one situation I get the two worst possible reactions: one kid just laughs in my face and repeats the action, the other kid cries and cries and cries and eventually hurts someone (himself, me or his brother).

OK, don't get me wrong, they are lovely kids, but they are going through a difficult phase (my older brother says: kids go through different phases until they are adults and then they go through even more difficult phases). And I do think (often), that I am doing something wrong. But at the moment I am trying (embarrassingly) some of the Supernanny tricks (give warnings, take things away, then time out. Count til 3, tell everything clearly, go down to their level, praise them over the top when they do something good to have the direct comparison). To date it is not working, but I hope it eventually will.
I hope it gets better for you, I know mine will go through an even more difficult spell as soon as this baby is out, so I am trying to convince myself that this is not as bad (and you are in a similar position!). Just breath and count to 10, if that doesn't do it count to a 100, if that doesn't do it, call a friend or neighbour and have her go out and give you some free time!
Millie

 

The 3rd year was the hardest for me. My boys have issues with self control, and it is gradually getting better. Oh yeah, I've used every discipline tool available, and the only thing I have found to be effective is not a discipline tool at all. It is patience, knowing that "one day" they will be out of this very long phase.

 

I'm actually goinf through a similar situation with Kelly right now. She's a really sweet girl but she's stubborn and when she wants something she wants it! We've had to take her favorite stuffed dog away from her. It killed me to do it but she has been having tantrums that she never had when she was 2 or 3.

I hope that the stage passes quickly!

 

Thank you ladies.. It helps to know that i am not the only one going thru this!!!

 

My boys have recently started doing this and they do not respond to my threats at all. I have to follow through with everything now and that meant postponing the Shrek 2 movie and today Michael was giving me a hard time in the bath and I told him if he did not settle down I would yank him out wet and put him in his room. He looked at me with that I'm testing you look and screamed (I could tell it was fake). I had to yank him out and it seemed like he got the picture. He was fine the rest of the night but with this phase I know there will be more testing tomorrow. We haven't spanked yet either and I'm hoping that eventually my consistency will pay off like it has in the past, but it is hard with almost every day a battle with at least one of them.

I did want to add though that this year has been the most fun I've had with my kids. Everything is exciting to them. We went to a boring graduation party with no music or anything and they acted like it was the best thing ever. I took Michael to the dentist and he was nearly bursting with excitement all day. And the big things we've done like the amusement park and zoo have been incredible. I have found the more I can find something "new" to do in the day the less battles we have. It's those days when we are just home and everything is routine that we seem to have issues.

 

Ohhh - I feel so better knowing I'm not the only one!

Just after they turned 3, suddenly their behavior became really bad! Timeouts do work for one of my girls (most of the time), but for the other they do nothing - absolutely nothing. I actually just started (3 weeks ago) using a "chart" (it's just a calendar my DH printed from the computer). I told them I would put a "bad mark" on the chart if they misbehaved (that includes disrespecting, not listening, hitting, bad bedtime antics, etc); I also explained that girls with "bad marks" will not get "privileges" for however long it suits me (no bedtime movie or playground fun the next day - or several days if the infraction is severe, or no treat if I was planning on having cupcakes for desert - something like that).

The very first night daughter 1 was determined to "test this out" by behaving badly at bedtime. So I marched her over to the chart and put an "X" there with her initials next to it; didn't seem to phase her. Well... the next day she had to stay in her room as her sister watched the bedtime Pooh video - she was shocked and livid! I showed her the bad mark on the chart before I told her she had to stay in her room. Suddenly her bad bedtime behavior stopped! And I was trying for months to stop her antics! Now, the threat of a bad mark is very effective. I have had to give 2 bad marks to daughter 1 and 1 bad mark to daughter 2 (watching sister get a bad mark is also very effective!). This is great for our house; I know they are going through a phase and testing the boundaries, but I really needed a more effective discipline device.