What do you do when they wake in middle of night?

I've always wondered what other parents do when their toddlers wake up in the middle of the night. Do you rush in? Wait to see if your child will fall back to sleep? Let him/her cry self back to sleep? Bring back to your bed? There are so many options, and I know there's no right answer, but I'm interested in what you do and whether it works for you or not.

(no edit - I tried to edit the poll but couldn't)

 

It depends on the cry. If it's a dramatic wailing screaming "something is trying to kill me" cry, then I won't wait it out, I'll go in there and check on her. If it's more of a whimper, I wait it out, she usually falls back asleep.

When I do go in, sometimes I will pick her up, but she really likes to sleep in her crib. So once she calms down she will look at me and say "night night mommy" and point to her crib. She goes back in and is immediately out.

It doesn't happen often, and it's only her. DS sleeps like a brick. He never wakes up from her. I never bring her into our bed or move her to a separate room.

 

Here at my house, I usually wait a few minutes to see if Piper (it's almost always Piper who wakes up) will put herself back to sleep. Seventy five percent of the time she cries for a minute, whimpers for a minute, and then all is silent. The other twenty five percent of the time; she gets progressively louder and more adamant that someone come in N.O.W.!!! I've learned that if I go in to comfort her and then leave, it just prolongs the screaming fit and she's awake for the rest of the night. So I have to remove her from her room and let her fall asleep on me somewhere else. Then I can transfer her back to her crib while sleeping. If she gets to the mad stage, she's pretty much incapable of putting herself back to sleep. We've tried letting her cry, and she can cry for 45 minutes with no breaks. That was my limit. I'm sure there are other parents who could last for longer, but I caved at 45 minutes and she fell asleep on me almost the instant her head hit my shoulder. Night wakings are pretty rare at my house; Piper probably wakes up once a week, but only needs us to comfort her back to sleep once a month. Cricket rarely wakes up at night. When she does, it's usually because she's teething, and it happens several nights in a row and then not again for months.

Tricia

 

I usually go in, because they will come in my room if I don't. I figure the closer to bed they stay, the better. I usually just have to cover them back up and leave.

My DS will start asking for HUGS and stuff and I have to tell him that we'll have lots of hugs tomorrow, but we don't wake up for hugs in the night. Makes Mommy crabby!!

 

Lukas wakes every night around 12:10. He comes into my room and looks at me. I get up and take him back to bed and tuck him in again. Linnea almost never wakes up, but when she does the same happens as with Lukas.

If I am asleep (and I am a deep sleeper) when they come in they will climb in bed with me and sleep. Every morning I wake up with three kids in my bed, and I don't mind it at all.

 

My two rarely wake up anymore, but one thing I have never done and will never do is bring them into our bed. When they were younger we let them CIO. Now that they are older, we just go in and give them a quick hug and put them back in their bed.

 

This was happening frequently for the past couple weeks but knock on wood it has not happened lately. I usually just give them a hug, make sure nothing is wrong then let them cry back to sleep. We share a room so I usually just move to the cuch because they cry more when they can see me.

 

I had to pick just one option, but it really depends on the cry and the kid.

For Ana she sometimes has night terrors and then wakes up disoriented. We'll wait a minute to see if she settles herself (sometimes she doesn't even wake up!), but if not, we'll go in pat and shush. We rarely need to pick her up to comfort her and usually she goes back to sleep without issue (sometimes we sit in the room with her until she falls back asleep).

For Meara every once in awhile she will wake up crying because of a bad dream and she will not let us leave her until she falls asleep. Sometimes she does and we leave the room and all is well. Sometimes (like 2 nights ago), she just can't settle herself back to sleep so we bring her into bed with us and she alternates sleeping and kicking us.

Thankfully they rarely wake each other up when they cry so at least we don't need to deal with two awake toddlers at 3am (knock on wood that this continues!).

 

I'm the mean mom who chose "let them put themselves back to sleep." Of course, if the crying is a pain cry or if it lasts too long (more than 15 minutes or so), I go in and rock them back to sleep.

I've found that if I respond to night-time cries, I often end up waking the other one in the process. I've also found that ignoring the 10-15 minute crying episodes is the most effective way to get them to stop. If I'm consistent with waiting and letting them put themselves back to sleep, we typically have 1-2 night wakings a week per kid. If I respond immediately to the cries, they start waking every night at the same time (around midnight or so).

 

It depends on the cry. I usually go in and check. Natty has been having bad dreams lately and needs to be told that Mommy is there and everything is fine. Both generally go back to sleep on their own. I do NOT bring my kids to bed with me. It's a habit I can't afford to start.

 

I voted other becuase we've done ALL of the above.... at one point in time.


Right now, we don't go in at all. We shut and latch their bedroom door, and will ONLY go in if the crying escalates and we think someone may be sick or have a dirty diaper (ours are lactose intollerant, so if someone sneaks them dairy, it makes for a pretty messy night)

 

My sons have become very troubled sleepers. They started with a cold at the beginning of September (when they started playschool) and it has been non-stop ever since - colds, coughs, hand-foot-and-mouth, an ear infection, more colds, a stomach flu - their sleeping has gone right out of the window. But what can I do? If they're sick, they're sick. We go to them as soon as we hear them cry. Partially b/c we think they need us, and partially b/c if we leave them they inevitably wake the other kid and then we end up with TWO crying kids. And they don't just cry, they wail and scream and Evan even makes himself sick sometimes. Nice, eh?

Often, I try to send my husband in. Usually they go back to sleep for my husband within a short time. But when I go in in always turns into a drama of wanting to be held, play with my hair, get up and play with me. I don't know why. It's annoying.

It's a vicious cycle and I am sooooooooo tired. When will they sleep through the night? I feel completely trapped and exhausted. Sorry this turned into a vent for me.

 

QUOTE(SarahH @ Dec 9 2008, 10:40 AM) [snapback]1103687[/snapback]
Lukas wakes every night around 12:10. He comes into my room and looks at me.


Always at the same time?! That's amazing. I guess you make sure to have your intimate moments before or after 12:10!

 

We don't use the monitor anymore, so we don't hear them if it's just a wimper. So if they're crying loud/long enough to wake us up, we go in and check it out. Usually we just need to give them their binkie/blankie back and they go right back to sleep.

 

Wow! I'm one of the two that said "I don't go in". I'm shocked it's just two of us.

I've never gone in. DH has gone in a few times. They don't get up at night to do anything so I don't think they need to see me. They have pretty awesome self soothing skills so I know they're fine.

Also, it would be MUCH worse if they saw me in the middle of the night. That wouldn't help at all.

I have never rocked them or anything like that so if I did "go to them" it would be to look at them and make sure they weren't on the floor or something LOL.

Anyway, I don't worry about it. If they cry, I know they're fine and will go back to sleep. If they saw me, perhaps not!!

Good poll. I think it's interesting to see what other people do and for kids of different ages as well I also never had a monitor. I've slept with my door shut and fan on full tilt since they STTN at 14 weeks. Never once wondered what's going on in there.

 

Nope-we don't go in either. They started STTN since about 6 months old when we did CIO-that was the end of us going in their room. They usually wake up once/twice a night-and it is for no more than 5 minutes and they are fast asleep again. There have been very rare times that the cry is not normal, and I have sent dh in to see what the problem is. And usually-it's nothing.

When MIL babysits...in the beginning-she had a tendency to go in when she heard them crying, and give the pacifier back. They have them when they go to sleep, but do not use them the entire night.

I will admit-we are lucky with their sleeping habits! And they always seem to wake up when WE get into bed! Why is that?!!? LOL!

 

We never go in (unless they're sick) and they very rarely wake in the night. Since Daniel started STTN 3 months ago, we now sleep with their door closed and our door closed. So we only hear them if they're really loud.

Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do with them if I did go in. I suppose it would calm them momentarily but when I left they'd go back to crying. So why bother?

 

mine were waking alot over the past couple of weeks, so I re-instated naps for one hour. now they sleep much better at night and hardly wake up at all. only when overtired do they wake up.

Maybe you need to adjust naps for a while -- make them longer, or start them earlier, or both. Then maybe also try putting to bed 30 min earlier.

HTH

ps mine started STTN at 6 months after CIO. I usually go in because the wake ups are rare.

 

QUOTE(caryanne07 @ Dec 9 2008, 02:41 PM) [snapback]1104223[/snapback]
Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do with them if I did go in. I suppose it would calm them momentarily but when I left they'd go back to crying. So why bother?


Yep, that's what it does for mine! If I go in just to check on them, they cry louder and longer than if I left them alone. So when I do go in because I worry they're running a fever or having teething pain, etc, I have to hold them until they're asleep. And then they'll often wake up once I put them in their crib, too. Ugh. That's why I usually leave them be!

 

Mine rarely wake at night. Sometimes, DS will wimper and cry, but he's usually still sleeping. When they're still falling asleep, they will sometimes cry for a book they dropped (yeah, mine don't sleep with lovies or blankets, they prefer books. I know, a habit I never should have allowed). Sometimes, I'll go in just to put a book back in the crib, but that's rare.

Once, DD was creaming bloody murder, so I knew something was wrong. She had gotten her leg twisted up in the crib slats somehow.

On rare occasion, I'll go in and pat a back but not pick up. That usually works fine.

 

I usually wait and see if they will fall back asleep theirselfs but if it goes on for more than 5 mins then i tend to go in see whats wrong. If jack wakes up he usually only wants to see you and then he is fine. I have never gone in and picked them up or taken them to my bed as i didnt want to start bad habits. When people tell me their kids have been sleeping through the night since they were 3months and they are exhausted i want to slap them because my 2 can be up every hour or so if they want most nights!! I think i have had about 3 weeks worth of full night sleep since they were born!! I cant wait till they turn into teenagers and want to sleep till 11am!! x

 

I don't go in, unless they are sick, and they have rarely woke up at night since they were 6 months old.

 

it depends - I still sleep with a monitor because in September my son was having a febrile seizure from a fever which affected his breathing - had I not had the monitor and could tell something was up I don't know what would have happened but now I'll probably have a monitor till their 10!

back to the point - if its DD - she talks in her sleep and sometimes will cry out but usually stays asleep (I think she dreams vividly)...if she actually needs us she'll yell for help (like the night her earring got caught in her blankie)...

if DS wakes up he's awake until calmed - he'll stand up in his crib and yell for Daddy until one of us goes in - if its Daddy (like he wants) its an ordeal to get him to sleep - if I go in and rock him for a few minutes he usually goes back down - until he has another bad dream and then he either winds up in bed with us (rarely) or downstairs on the couch with one of us...he will also yell at his sister to wake up cuz he's up - so I tend to either calm him or remove him from the situation...

 

It depends on who it is and what kind of crying it is. It is not uncommon for DS to moan or softly cry at night, I don't go in right away, 9/10 times he goes back to sleep on his own without going in. If it escalates or persists more than 10 minutes or so I go in and comfort and lay back down. If it's in the very early am (5:30 or 6) I put him in bed with me and we snooze until our usual wakeup. DD very rarely cries at night so if she does I usually go in to check on her after a minute or two, its often teething related so I'll give her some motrin and she goes right back down (I've only had to do this 2 or 3 times she's a good sleeper).

 

It depends on a lot of factors- if it's Bryan, I go in immediately and pick him up. He almost NEVER wakes during the night, unless he's having a terror or really doesn't feel well. He will also not be comforted if I don't pick him up. Thankfully, usually all it takes is to pick him up, rock him for a few minutes, or if I've already gone to bed and I'm super tired, I'll let him lay in bed with us for about 15-30 minutes, then it's back to bed for him and he's usually perfectly fine.

if it's Joel, who OFTEN wakes during the night- the typical routine is go in, give him a paci, rub his back for a second, and he's good. If he's sitting up, or crying harder than normal, then I'll bring him to bed w/ me for 15-30 minutes, and typically after that he's good to go back in his crib as well.

If it's right after they've gone to bed- I make sure they've got pacis and loveys, but they're on their own, unless someone's REALLY screaming. But THANKFULLY, they are usually really good going down at night, and this is hardly ever a problem. Most times they'll talk to each other for a few minutes, and they're right to sleep!

 

It depends on the cry. If it's just fussing, I wait. If it's dramatic screaming or I know they're sick, I go in right away. Jack fusses at some point pretty much every night, but it never lasts long and I don't go in for light fussing. If I go in, I take the crier out of the shared room, go to the family room, assess & address the situation, maybe cuddle/comfort for a few mins, then it's right back to bed in the crib. I talk to the child to let them know I'm here for them but it's night time and it's time to go back to sleep.

I rarely ever have to go in at night, thank goodness!!!

 

I picked one of the options in the first part of the poll, but really, we employ a number of the options listed. There is a complex decision tree which determines how we respond.

Once they start making noise (or, more accurately, once we wake up to their noise), we usually wait a bit to see if they'll settle down on their own. If they don't, then we'll go in. If the kid in question looks like she's still asleep, then we just cover her up or quietly leave the room and hope it doesn't escalate. If the kid is awake, usually we will pick her up, sit with her in the chair (unfortunately, not a rocking chair) for a couple of minutes, and then put her back down. Sometimes that is enough, often it is not. Often we have to go in multiple times (taking turns who goes based on who is more awake or more exhausted or more fed up with going in). If I go in for the 2nd or 3rd time and the child is really awake, I sometimes use a negotiating tactic that goes like this, "Mommy will pick you up and sit in the chair, but when the timer (the flashing of my watch) goes off, you have to go back in your crib and not cry and not climb out. Will you go back in your crib when the timer goes off?" (Wait for the child to shake her head 'no'.) "Will you cry when mommy leaves?" (Wait for the child to shake her head 'no'.) "OK we'll sit in the chair for one minute." This sometimes really works, though mostly with Bailey. If we are truly exhausted or the kid is sick or it is close to morning (4am or later), then often we'll just bring the kid(s) to bed with us. Sometimes that buys us more sleep, and sometimes it gets us an irritating few hours in bed of being poked and kicked and prodded.

I recognize in writing this that this all sounds ridiculous, but CIO really doesn't work with our girls and we do what we have to do to survive. I'd say on average our girls wake us up 4 to 5 nights a week and we have to go into them 2 to 3 nights a week. I hear age 4 is when parents really start getting quality sleep again. I’m keeping my fingers crossed....

 

i voted other. if someone wakes up after having a nightmare (usually ivana, and she usually wakes up screaming), i'll go in there and bring her to bed with me, and let her fall back asleep on me, then bring her back to bed. if she wakes and starts to cry, i let her cry, cuz i know she'll be back asleep in a few minutes.

if someone wakes cuz they just want some attention (usually marina), i won't go in anymore. i was going in for about a month (last month), and bringing her to bed with me for a few minutes, then taking her back to her bed, then she'd cry and cry, and it was almost pointless for me to take her out in the first place.

 

It depends. Any wake-ups here are usually in the 10:30pm-to-midnight time frame -- can't remember the last time someone woke up after that.

My kids are good sleepers, and learned how to self-soothe and STTN when they were 3 months old. I absolutely believe in training kids to sleep, for their own sakes.

So, that said, if they cry now, it's almost always because they need something. I always go in, just to see what the problem is. A couple times, it's been a rare poopy diaper. Often it's thirst -- I give a few sips of water, and the kiddo goes right back down. Kevan has been known to get his legs stuck in the crib slats, and I've had to rescue him. And often, someone just needs a nose suctioned or wiped. A few nights ago, Kevan was coughing hard, gagged on some phlegm, and vomited his entire dinner in the crib. I would have felt like a real heel if I hadn't checked on him...

Anyhow, aside from those issues, we do one of two things -- if it seems the kiddo is just awake and wired and wanting to play (too long a nap that day or something), then we bring him/her downstairs and let him/her play for 15 or 20 minutes, give a few sips of water, and then put him/her back to bed. This works totally fine, no fussing involved.

Or, if someone just wakes up crying and freaked out -- bad dream or something -- I just pick up and soothe, sing a lullaby with the lights dim, and then put the kiddo back in the crib. Five minutes tops. This also works well for us.

I don't rock to sleep (my kids needs to be left alone before they'll go to sleep), and I don't bring the kid into our bed to sleep, ever. (We're usually not in bed before midnight, anyway.)

 

My daughter tends to wake more at night than my son. If she wakes up and cries, I watch her on the video monitor. Often, she will reach around to find a pacifier and her lovey and lay down/calm down on her own. If she can't find her lovey or pacifier or if she is needing a little extra comfort, she cries more and I go in. Usually just me holding her and rocking her for a few minutes, then putting her back down awake but calmed does the trick.

My son almost NEVER wakes in the night. If he does, he is either sick or can't find his pacifier. Usually I can just give him his paci and rub his back without picking him up and he is back to sleep. If he isn't feeling well, sometimes I need to hold him and rock him but not for long and that is super rare.

 

For me, it also depends on the cry. Usually, I just let them cry and they go on back to sleep. But if it is more then an "I don't want to go to sleep" or "I am a sleep but something woke me" cry, I go check. I don't want them sleeping in a poo diaper or if their leg is caught in the crib or something else. But when I do check, I don't pick them up if nothing is wrong. I give them a hug and tell them "night night" and out I go again. It is rare one of mine wakes. It is even more rare that she will wake the other if one is crying.