what do you do when they are outright defiant?

what do you do when your LO constantly tells you, "no" and has no affect when are reprimanded? he tells us we are 'mean,' 'yucky' and hits his hand in the air at us.
we do time-outs and lately, we have been taking toys away and putting them in a 'time-out.'

any other suggestions?

 

I send him to his room and say sternly you don't tell mommy no. When he comes down he has to apologize.

 

Do not yell, stay calm and consistant. "You can go outside after you make your med." Repeat when necessary. I have a defiant one. I do not always follow my own advice unfortunately.

 

If the behaviour is new, or has worsened significantly recently, I would consider too that it could be a reaction to baby's arrival. Maybe see if you can figure out the root of the defiance. Is he trying to get your attention? If so, is there some way that you could carve out a bit of one on one time with him each day. Even if it's something simple like reading him a book. That might help head off some of the attitude before it fully develops. :hug:

 

thanks for these tips; i feel like this is definitely new. i swear my boys were absolute ANGELS before the baby came!!
all they do is fight now and they are SO MEAN TO ME! UGH! I COULD JUST DIE!!!!!!!!!


I'm at a loss.
i spend as much time with them as i can...it's very hard and even when i get the baby down in the swing for a nap i am literally cleaning up their mess(es).

ETA - i take them for walks, play outside with them, we get 'treats' from local eateries (LOL)...im not sure what else i can do????

 

Individual time with each kid is so important. Today it was Grandpa took one to Walmart alone while I bathed and sang to the other (& cleaned up the bathroom while he bathed- score!) After dinner I took the other boy up for a shower which he loved. It made both so happy. :wub:

 

i've never really done individual time with the twins...we just all do things together. :wub:
is that not 'good?'

 

I try to talk about what kind of behavior I want, and how it makes me feel when I dont get it. i.e.- I want you to play nicely and keep your hands and feet to yourself. When YOU hit ME, it REALLY hurts. I dont like that. Please dont do that again. Then use re-direction. I repeat myself, often.


The one on one time is great--- Ive found even if its 5 minutes, and for my kids it makes a difference if I POINT it out. " THIS is your special time with momma. We only have 5 minutes, but lets read this book just YOU & ME".

 

Definitely sounds like the new baby is causing them some problems. Time outs won't help until the underlying issue is resolved. They probably need a lot of reassurance and some extra time. Doing things with them is great but try reading books together or playing on the floor together. While playing you might talk about feelings. I know mommy isn't able to do as much with you and that makes you sad etc. Help them put it in words. Get a few books to read to them about being an older sibling. I would also get them each a baby doll to pretend with. Have them help with the baby as much as possible... Hand you items. This helps them feel more a part of the experience. Praise them when they help or you catch them being good. Its a tough transition for them and they can't verbalize how they feel so they act out.

 

Try not to beat yourself up. It sounds like you are trying to give them some extra time and TLC....they probably just need a little time to adjust to the change in their lives. Kids are pretty resilient. If I remember correctly, our twins are about the same age. One of my girls who has always been well behaved and even tempered has turned into a "monster" lately....saying, "NO!" and throwing temper tantrums, etc. so I think it's fairly normal for this age anyway. I would just keep being consistent with the timeouts and I think they will come back around. When my twins were born my older 2 were ages 5 and 3. I sometimes would tend to fall into the "trap" of trying to do all these extra things with them to "make it up" to them and then I was even more exhausted. In some ways, I think it made them more demanding??? Then they want to go out to eat at a restaurant and go out and by a toy or something....but now I try to just keep it simple...like after our twins go to bed, I will read a few extra chapters with them, or have a movie night at home or something like that. Like I said, I think they just need time to outgrow this stage and get used to the change of a new baby in the house. Hang in there!!!

Shannon

 

I think it's probably the age as well as the new baby; we've dealt with that kind of attitude (with one boy especially) a lot more as they got closer to 3. No fun. Usually we put them in TO and if they need multiple TOs in a short span of time, we have them go to their room for a bit until they are ready to listen/stop whining/play nicely or whatever the issue is.

 

i took everyone's advice. spent a lot of one-on-one time with both of them. well actually, with both of them together but a lot less time with my new baby.
idk...
they were in great moods, just a few little fights here and there; nothing we couldn't handle. took them out grocery shopping (which they love - they were great), out to breakfast....we played outside, and i got them to take naps. i know that has a lot to do with it. even with the nap though, after dinner - defiance central.
i know it's 'witching hour' or whatever (LOL) but he awoke happy from his nap but it was pretty much downhill from there.