What do you do when guests overstimulate your babies and won't leave?

I'm still so irritated at this. My inlaws are in town, and went to visit yesterday. We have a tiny house and one of our dog barks all the time when we have guests unless one of us stays with him, but he's jumpy so we can't leave him with the guests. So we don't have many guests but sometimes it can't be helped.

So yesterday my inlaws came to see the babies for a couple hours (or so I thought!)... We took turns with them so the dog didn't go crazy, but after dinner the babies got into melt down mode... and the dogs were getting crazier... and my inlaws never got the hint that it was time to leave! The whole time we changed them into their PJs they were wailing, and his dad decided to take pictures of us changing the babies... wth... Then my husband figured it would be a good idea to put the babies in his mom's arms, which of course made them cry harder.. To make things worse when we put them in bed dh asked his parents if they wanted to come up too... Guess what... two screaming babies!!! So I just told them to go downstairs, and not too nicely I admit...

I'm still fuming about it. Dh is no help and his parents would get away with murder because he won't confront them, and sometimes he just makes things worse... The babies are not very at ease with strangers and they were crying hard... Plus I told him to put the dogs outside before they saw them come so they would play out for a while before freaking out, and he didn't listen...

Ugh, what do you do when that happens?

 

:hug: Create and 'action plan' for the next time! I would talk to him and say "Wow, that was a disaster, huh?...next time they visit or anyone for that matter, let's have a plan for keeping the dogs out as long as possible - it's totally overstimulating the babies to have them barking all the time! When they start to melt down, we need a plan for getting the guests to leave - like a code word or something. I would really prefer that we don't invite them UP to 'help'. It stressed me out and the babes! What do you think? Let's make a plan!"

 

Are you really my husband pretending to post about my parents? I'd love to hear what you guys come up with. So far my only plan has been to stand there and take it. My parents only come in a few days out of the year, and it's chaos every time. (Including the constant picture taking and trying to make the girls' pose when they're obviously not in the mood.)

 

This is one of those really tough situations. I think having a plan is a good idea. But I also think if it's grandparents that don't get to see the kiddos very often, its not really fair to limit their already limited time. I know that makes for some tough moments, but after they leave you can get back on schedule. However, if they are close enough to visit more regularly, there is no reason they should "overdo" their visits. :hug: sorry it was so stressful!

 

I am sorry that you had that experience. :hug: I think having an action plan like Diane suggested is a good idea.

 

I'm sorry you had a rough time. It sounds like your dogs have taken over the house and ruined your ability to have company. What options do you have to deal with your dogs ??

 

Yeah the dogs are a real pain Have yet to find a solution really...

 

QUOTE(HRE @ Mar 1 2009, 02:26 PM) [snapback]1210340[/snapback]
This is one of those really tough situations. I think having a plan is a good idea. But I also think if it's grandparents that don't get to see the kiddos very often, its not really fair to limit their already limited time. I know that makes for some tough moments, but after they leave you can get back on schedule. However, if they are close enough to visit more regularly, there is no reason they should "overdo" their visits. :hug: sorry it was so stressful!


I agree with Heather. Maybe you could make some arrangements to make it not quite so chaotic next time, but I'd feel bad asking them to leave.

 

QUOTE(heathertwins @ Mar 1 2009, 11:17 PM) [snapback]1210499[/snapback]
I'm sorry you had a rough time. It sounds like your dogs have taken over the house and ruined your ability to have company. What options do you have to deal with your dogs ??



I agree with this completely. The dogs are an issue you guys are going to have to deal with. When I was working in vet clinics, I used to tell people to think of it like this:
You teach your children to behave and be polite with company because it not only lets everyone enjoy them, but because it makes them and you feel secure and confident to know what the rules for behavior are. It should be the same with pets. It sounds like seperation anxiety in your dogs-they have a fear that someone is going to hurt one of you or the kids. I know how busy you are having twins, believe me, so time wise, right now, training your dogs to go into a quiet room or a travel crate when you have company will go a long way toward making life easier. If you could devote an hour a day for just two weeks to training, I promise you it will help so much! It will make for a sticky two weeks, yes, but it will make such a difference. If it's in the budget, hire a trainer if you need to. You can't go without having company for the next five years just because it upsets the dogs.

As for your IL's it sounds to me like one of those family quirks, where this is just how this particular family interacts with babies, since your DH is that way with them too when his folks are around. It is soooo annoying, yes, but I think you have a couple choices.

Option one: Disengage. Pour a mug of tea, sit down and let them knock themselves out. They'll love it, and you'll get a chance to sit DOWN for once! If you're bf'ing, I'd even go so far as to express a few bottles and let them feed too! I'm betting once they leave, DH'll ask you why you did it. This is when you can (nicely!) say: "Look, sugar lumps, I can't deal with the babies when you guys get them so stirred up, so if that's how your parents are with the kids, and you're ok with it, that's fine, but ya'all are going to have to handle them til they calm down. I don't want to harsh your folks time with the kids by getting uptight, but if you all get them that wound up, I can't do anything with them."
I know it's hard to listen to them cry. When they get too nuts, and your DH comes and asks you to help, you get to say "OK, but this is how it has to be....". I don't think your IL's have to leave when they get crazy, but they do then have to step back and let you get them settled and into bed. If DH doesn't come and ask for the help, and the babies go bonkers, just try to bite your tongue-they're just overstimulated, and it's only for one night. It's not as if they're hurt or ill.
Be super sweet about it, and present it like you're just wanting them to enjoy their time with the kids as much as possible and he can't really get too mad at you for disengaging.

Option two: Be very, very sweet about it, but just say "Listen, guys-the little ones are prone to getting overly worked up right now. I think it's a stage they're going through. They're going to get very unpleasant very soon. Why don't I take them up and get them in bed myself, while DH pours everyone a drink, and I'll be back down to join you for a grown up visit once the babies are down. I don't want them to melt down while you're here! I want you to enjoy them!"

Best of luck-it's tricky but I think if you use the right language you can navigate through it.

edited for typos

 

I understand my mil comes to town once a year for 1-2 weeks and it is chaotic and I hate it. At least the dogs just ignore her and I don't have to deal with that also. I feel so sorry for you. Hugs to you.

My twins are almost 4 and I still have the same problem. But it was worse when they were small. My mil always tried to ovwer feed them to, cuz she didn't think I could possiable give them enough breast milk when they were older. I fianally told my dh to say something or I will and it won't be nice cuz I'm loosing it with her

As far as overstimuating them I just said very nicely. When they act like this it tells me they are getting tired and need to settle down and go to sleep. Please excuss me while I take them in their room and get them ready for bed. They are only use to me so you will need to stay out here. Tomorrow you can spend some more time with them. I am just straight to the point. But sometimes she does catch me off gaurd and I too had a melt down along with the twins. We were all 3 crying then I say things without thinking first not good.

I hope the rest of the visit goes well. I get to look forward to my mil visit in sept.

 

Oh man, this is always the worst. What don't some people get about "fever pitch"? In general if we have dinner guests, the husband and I decide ahead of time who is going to handle bedtime solo. Then we have the boys say goodnight to said people just in time for them to enjoy coffee and conversation sans kids. Then I shut off the monitor and shut the door and pretend its just another night. Has worked well so far. Oh and we make sure to tell people when we make the plans. "We are really looking forward to seeing you. If you want to see the kids, just know that they go to bed at seven." It works well.

As for grandmom...I try to make their visits to include breakfast or lunch, an activity out and about, playtime and then naptime. Usually she is ready for a nap too at that point and will split. The goal for me is to get her involved in our day. It is much more enjoyable for everyone involved if the babies, being creatures of habit, are eating and sleeping at a fairly usual time.

If you don't deal with puppy issues by the time they come back, could you put them in doggy daycare for the day? Most vets will board for a day for a really reasonable fee. It may be worth your sanity?

HTH