What do you do about playdate invites?

This is just starting to become an issue with us. My DD is in 1st grade this year and is started to get invited over to other people's houses more. Last year if she was invited over for playdates, I knew the parents or had at least had a few conversations with them. Tonight, we were at Family Fun Night at her school and there was this game where the kids were trying to win cakes. One of the girls from Isabel's class won a cake and Isabel had played 5x's and didn't win anything. This little girl was just so sweet and told her Mom that she wanted to share her cake with Isabel and they invited her over on Sunday. Now this little girl came to Isabel's b-day party last week and I did chat briefly with her Mom. They live in our general neighborhood and we are in a safe area. But, that doeesn't mean anything really. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I would never forgive myself if I let her go to playdate with parents I didn't know and something happened. Am I the only one that is bothered by this? What do other parents do? I did tell the Mom that I would check our calendar and we'll talk tomorrow.

 

Well, the other girls mom felt comfortable enough to let her daughter come to your party...I guess that could tell you something. I used to worry about it, but realized that most of the kids in my girls social circle are friends of friends. In other words if I don't personally know the mom, she is likely friends with a mom I do know. Or at least the mom's I do know, know who she is and trust her enough to let their kids play at her house.


Its also a chance for you to get to know the mom better. Chat a little, see if you are on the same plane parenting wise. It will ease your mind and Isabel will get to enjoy some delicious cake!

 

When it is a party situation, and I know some other kids going that are good friends with my kids, I am ok with it. However, I still tend to stick around a little while and get a "feel" for things.

Now, when they are invited somewhere for a single playdate, it's different. I guess if I'd already talked with the parent and they seemed nice, I might drop them off and get a "feel" again. Fortunately, I haven't had to decide that yet. I know my kids' friend's parents, so I've been lucky. However, I'm sure the day will come, and then I'm not sure what to do. And as for the other parent letting the child come without knowing you or talking with you first...that to me is almost a red flag as well. However, I again consider parties with other kids around different than solo playdates ardon: Tough one!

 

Jo has a friend from preschool that she was always talking about. At a field trip I introduced myself to her mom. Over Christmas break we set up a play date. Because she had 2 older kids who could stay home alone, she and her daughter came to my house. The girls played for a few hours and we talked about all sorts of things. A few weeks ago Jo went home with her after school for a few hours. Although I had never been to her house, after talking with the mom for a few hours I was comfortable letting her go.

 

Yeah, Isabel's b-day party was at a puppy store (public place) and this little girl did attend. I talked only briefly to the Mom who did stay for about 15 mins. and then left like the other parents and came back at the end of the party. It's a classmate, but not one that she has played with outside of school before. The Mother asked if Isabel could come over on Sunday, so it sounds like a drop off and that I wouldn't necessarily be sticking around to get to know the Mom. She did seem very nice, but how do you "trust" people with your kids that you don't know all that well? I mean, I have the same issue with babysitters. If I don't know you, you're not watching my kids. We've only ever had family watch them.

 

All the parents stay for playdates in my area....I don't know anyone who drops a child off for a playdate & then comes back. I am not sure what age that will begin....but I won't be leaving my girls in the home of someone I don't know well. Even if you have met the mom & felt comfortable with her...do you know if their will be a dad/uncle/boyfriend there? An older brother? Another adult woman you haven't met? Are there guns in the house? A dog? Does the mom allow the kids to play in the yard with no adult? There are just too many variables for me to worry about to leave my girls at playdates. It doesn't seem to be a problem since no one has ever acted like "when are you leaving?" I would contact the mother & say "the kids & I would be delighted to come over. Since you are serving the cake, may I bring some ice cream?"

 

I would just ask the parent if they mind if you come in for a while and get your child situated. We just started having independent playdates this year. If I don't know the parent well, then I just make sure I drop off my child and come in for a while to get a feel for the family. ANy red flags and I think I'd stay or make an excuse to leave. It is really hard!