My father in law passed away 2 days ago... Hubby went there today to meet his brother to take care of the funeral (it's 5 hours away). Considering that everyone lives pretty far, they're thinking of doing the burial low key as soon as possible, then do a memorial later... I'm not sure about the date, but their birthday is in 10 days as well, so I'm not sure how it's going to work out (thankfully we don't have a party this year, but I'm supposed to be the helper at school on the 24th and I ordered some cupcakes and cake). The question is... should I take the kids? They would probably miss a day or two of school (not a big deal), it's a 5-6 hour drive (without stops), we'd have to book a hotel and try and get the kids to sleep there, and it would be additional stress for my husband (and, well, me)... at the same time, if all his family is there (I'm not sure yet who will go or not, and if the other kids will be there or not), it would be nice for everyone to be together, and I'm sure his mom would really like to see the kids (who she hasn't seen in a year, as she's been in assisted living). But I'm not sure it would be much fun at all for the kids, and there would be a lot of standing around etc... and probably enough stress as it is without two whiny 4yo. I'm leaning towards staying home, especially if everyone isn't going... thoughts?
My grandfather passed away in November at the age of 98...they lived about 4 hours from us. I actually did not even consider taking the kids/DH along for trip down for the memorial service (it was on a Wednesday, too). However, DH insisted that we needed to go as a family. It was a hassle as we left right after work, it took 7 hours with traffic/stops and we arrived at the hotel room at 9pm. We shared one room with two beds and had one kiddo sleep in each bed with an adult. This is so different than how we normally travel (kids go to bed at normal time, in a separate room). It was challenging, but I am really glad we took them. Everyone was very happy to see them and it provided the right balance to the day. Of course, the kiddos were not there for the actual service (DH kept them occupied in the nursery/playroom at the church). That was key to the success of the trip!! They did get rather cranky at the lunch potluck after the service, but it was managable with food/new people as a distraction. Good luck with your decision!
I'm going to be faced with similar decisions this year. My aunt is in the late stages of Alzheimer's. They live two hours away. We would go for a few days for sure. They have a cousin a year older, that I know that they would all play with, etc. If it were me, I would go and take them. You could always skip out on the services if they are tired, etc. But, you will be there, and I think the kids would be a good distraction for your MIL and the rest of the family. Good luck with your decision. And my condolences to your dh and yourself on your loss. :hug:
Personally, I'd take them. There is something special about being with family at the time of a funeral, even if it's not easy to do.
I'd take them also. The twins attended the funeral for my Grandfather when he passed away. They were a special emotional break for everyone, and very much loved all the attention. It was only a positive experience for them. I truly think it effects the older children harder. We travel all the time together so that part is normal for us.
Ok, we'll probably take them then, as long as it's not around the 24th... but hopefully we can plan around that...
My condolences to you and your family, Fran :hug: I can see the upside and downside of bringing them or staying home. When my father died, the kids stayed with my best friend, they did not attend the funeral. My mother relied on me and DH for her emotional support on such a tough day that I felt like I could not be there for her like I would like to be and attend to the children properly (my kids were also 2 at the time). My cousin from Michigan did bring her daughter who was 10 months old at the time and it was a joy to have her there. She put a lot of smiles on sad faces that day. You also might want to find out what funeral home is handling your FIL's arrangements and who is doing the memorial service...they might offer on site babysitting.
