What are your patience levels like

I feel like I am such a crabby b@tch sometimes - ok, a lot of the time. Sorry, but I'm being honest. I feel like I need to be an expert in psychology to do and say the right things to get them moving, clothes changed (you can never tell when they're going to fight you to do it themselves or fight you because they don't want to do it at all), teeth brushed, getting them both to sit on the potty before we go, trying to keep the fights of who goes first or who doesn't go at all, down to a minimum, getting shoes, coats, etc on, and whether or not they're getting in the carseats themselves or if they'll let me help them to speed things along. I go through the motions, get thoroughly annoyed, sometimes I snap and yell, other times I just ignore it but am visibly annoyed. They're always asking me "are you happy mommy?" "are you mad mommy?" which makes me feel worse because my crabbiness is so obvious. I'm starting to wonder if I need a better vitamin combination, or some sort of anti-anxiety mood stabilizer. Is this just how it is with two 2.5 year olds? I'm a totally different person when my husband is here to "help" - even if he doesn't really help, or I've been away for a bit and had a break. And that is the way I would like to act at all times.

Please tell me I'm not alone. But if I am, it's ok to tell me that too.

 

This is just why 1) I'm not bothering with PT yet, 2) we don't go out much anymore... it SUCKS. DD is relatively easy and wants to get dressed and out the door, but I typically have to chase DS to get him ready. Then once we're out they get in the car and play hide and seek so it takes me another 10 minutes to put them in their seats, often involving some crying. And yeah it drives me nuts. It helps when dh is here because DS is easier with him.

I can't deal with adding a potty break on top of that... it would take us 45 minutes to get ready.

 

I am this way. Exactly. Now at 3 yrs old, it's just insanity! It's not even the least bit funny anymore. My kids ask me "mommy, you happy?'' allof the time and it breaks my heart cuz I KNOW they are sensing MY insanity!

Stinks but I am losing it!

Right there w/ ya. No advice.

 

I feel the same way and maybe its too much for their age but when I'm starting to get overly annoyed I say "you need to start helping mommy and now, I'm all by myself today daddy isn't here and you need to help me; Now go get your coat, shoes on, you need to start helping" that tends to at least stop the whinning and some action begins. Maybe they don't get they are being annoying until you tell them what's going on with you and why...

 

Well, I have bigger kids now who are great at corraling one child while I help another, finding that sock that suddenly went missing, or buckling someone in who is having a meltdown in the backseat. And my twins are almost 5 so doing much more on their own. BUT, the thing that helps me the most is to plan ahead. That said, I'm a procrastinator, and often misjudge how much time something will take, so we end up zooming out the door at the last minute. That's when I'm most likely to lose my cool. If I plan ahead, have all the socks, shoes, coats, etc. ready, give myself an extra 20-30 minutes over what it "should" take to leave the house, etc. then it goes much smoother. And even if something does go wrong (like a diaper blowout at the last minute, or being unable to find a shoe that I SWEAR was just there a second ago, it's not nearly such a big deal. It's kind of like taking your umbrella on the off chance it will rain, and it never does. But if you forget it, you're sure to get drenched. So toss an extra book, toy, game in your bag and then if you do end up 30 minutes early to wherever you're going, you'll have a less stressful exit from the house and some extra quality time with your kiddos.

Now I just need to be more consistent about following my own advice!

 

oh ugh! that's me to a "T"! so here's what I'm trying to learn. i went to a parenting class recently, and it makes a lot of sense, but is oh so hard to implement. maybe if I keep telling others what I've learned I'll put more into action!

#1 tell them what you want the to do, like pp said. tell them to get their shoes, socks etc. not "don't play with that we're going"...

#2 give them two positive choices. "do you want to go potty on the little potty or the big toilet", or "do you want the red socks or yellow ones"... you get the idea. it gives them something to choose and might help them think that they are in a little bit of control.

#3 - I really need to do this... if you have some type of calendar you can show them what you are doing for the day. and she said to do it in pictures. so what I'm thinking is a Sun-Sat. calendar with lots of room in each column. you can show pictures of them eating breakfast, then on days you need to go out, you show that they need to get dressed with shoes, then the car, then lunch, then nap, play, dinner, bath, brush teeth, bed etc. she talked in her example about a little girl who never knew if she was going to be a daddy's that night or mommy's. and when she was shown which house she would sleep at it calmed her down. I thought this was a good thing for me, because not every day is the same. Mon, Tues, Thurs a nanny comes, Wed. we go out and need to get in the car to a Bible study - which one week I arrived very frazzled! b/c of what you described! Fri. we sometimes go for playdates, Grandma's for dinner, then there's the weekends, church etc. Sometimes like OP said its a bear getting out of the house, and I think telling them what's coming and pointing to it on the chart might help. (Now to make that chart myself!)

#4 the most important one is that they feed off of us... if we get annoyed, they can sense it, the teacher said its like "tinkerbell sprinkling fear in the air"!... we are supposed to "download calm" to them! I think phrases like "you're disappointed we have to leave" or "you don't want to go yet" might help to give them some words for their emotions... you can sympathize, but not change what you are going to do.

anyway, I need to implement everything I just mentioned... but yes, toddlers are exasperating! gotta love it! so no you are not alone!

 

Phew!! I was really feeling like I wasn't meant to be a mom since I am constantly losing my patience with them. I have been feeling so guilty because I know they can tell I'm getting frustrated, even when I think I'm doing a good job of hiding it. They say things like, "what's wrong, mom?" or "why are you crying?". I'm not crying but they can obviously tell that I'm either feeling frustrated, exhausted or guilty. I worry that I'm inadequate to properly take care of two toddlers w/out scarring them psychologically from not being able to cover my frustration. It doesn't help that DH is ADHD and Bipolar. He is more work then help. However, I have learned to rely on God more, which is a good thing. Remember, this too shall pass. He will never gives us more then we can handle.

 

I just wanted to say that we have to add 10 minutes on to our getting ready time for the inevitable time outs. Which Alice is in right now while the rest of us have our shoes and jackets on and ready to go.

 

Only 10 minutes?! Seriously, I also build in extra time, but I still feel my frustration levels rising when we are running late and no one is cooperating.

 

Oh yeah, sometimes leaving the house and getting into the car feels like an eternity and I feel like I am going to pull my hair out most of the time.
Denise, you are not alone. Sometimes, I do get lucky and everything goes smoothly and other times I just want to hide in the closet and cry!

 

Agree with pps about building in lots of extra time and giving choices. Things like "Do you want to put your shoes on yourself or do you want me to help?" work well for us. I still wind up having to do a LOT of counting, though. ("I'm going to count to 5, and if you don't start putting your shoes on, I'm doing it for you" - they want to do it themselves, so that is a negative consequence for them.) There are also TOs if they disobey, don't listen, etc. Sometimes it does take forever to get out the door, esp. since DD is a major dawdler. And I do get impatient/annoyed with it.

About them asking you if you're mad etc - I try to talk about feelings a bit with the kids, in ways they can understand. I might answer that, "I feel very frustrated right now, because ___." I think in the long run this can help teach them how to put labels on their feelings and not be so overwhelmed by them. And if you're mad and they ask you if you're mad, you could just say, "Yes, I feel angry right now, because it's frustrating to me when you don't listen." I think it's important for them to learn that anger is OK and can be handled in non-threatening ways. Or if I've really lost it with the kids, later I might say, "I'm sorry that I yelled at you. I was angry and frustrated because ____, and it's OK to be angry, but it's still not OK to yell. I'm sorry." And if we've had a bad day, I make sure to tell them that I always love them, even when I'm mad/putting them in TO/even when they're screaming etc.

Also, since you mentioned meds - irritability and a really short fuse can be a symptom of depression/anxiety (though of course there is also lots of frustration in handling twin toddlers). If you have other symptoms and you think depression might be a possibility, it would be worth running it by your doctor. :hug:

 

Denise, thank you for posting because I was feeling like I was the only one out there feeling that exact way.

It's hard enough battling one 2.5 year old but when you have another one who is either picking fights over shirts or socks, or else crying hysterically because her sister is sitting on your lap, getting out the door to go to work is almost unbearable....

1) I get as much stuff ready before I go into get them, including packing the car, getting breakfast/milks ready, choosing clothes,etc. Even if this means they are calling for me for 10+ minutes, I let them do it while I prepare, because as you know, once they are up, it's a whole different ball game.

2)I pretty much lock ourselves in the bathroom to get ready. I bring in clothes, pull-ups/underware, socks, shoes. I sit on the floor while each of them goes potty and gets dressed. Someone is usually crying, and I usually have to threaten at least once that I am leaving for nana's or work or the store, and if they dont' go potty/get dressed, then they aren't coming.

3) after then are dressed, I give them free play time while I go up and finish getting myself ready

4) I bribe them in the car with some sort of breakfast food (or if it's not meal time, then a snack). Sometimes, I'll put what I know they want in their car seat ahead of time. So I'll say, "oh, you want your granola bar, it's in your car seat, lets go get it...)

5) I finish a few things I need to do in the house while they are strapped in their car seats in the garage. They aren't going anywhere and I have a minute or two to do something that would have been hard with them underfoot.

I have one DD who just doesn't wake up well. She cries over something different every morning and usually is screaming hysterically for me to pick her up. I don't however, b/c I have to move around to get things ready or help her sister, so I hate to say it, but I just have to let her cry, but it makes the mornings awful...

I can only hope that this is a phase that will end.... and end soon!

 

Gotta tell ya..

Just started reading "Screamfree PARENTING".. GOOD BOOK for people w/ short fuses.. I think it might change me!

Look into it if you are wondering how you might want to change YOU. That's kind of what it focuses on and that's what I'm looking for. I want to be more patient!

I'm enjoying it and I LOVE the title!

Oh and I'm already on meds!

 

You are NOT alone!

I am the same way and this is something my older kids are more frustrating about than the little ones!!! If I would just finally see Addison's point that elmo panties, a shirt and boots is acceptable attire for anywhere, the twins would be easy to get going! the boys are a NIGHTMARE (16, 12 and 14) - we cannot leave until T finds the perfect shirt but then the pants don't match, J has every hair plastered and D eats half of the fridge and then some OH and then D cannot find his left shoe - guess why?? J hid it - so now they are fighting. All I know is THANK GOODNESS for the BUS!!!!!

every time I make an appointment for early in the morning - I want to kick myself!! sure 8am sounded good 6 MONTHS AGO!!! :crazy:

 

I'm also right there with ya. The new thing with one of them is I'll get her socks, shoes and coat on and I turn around and she has taken it all off. We did this 3x the other day. I thought I would lose my mind. I ended up letting her wear her shoes with no socks and no coat. When we got to the car, she was more willing to do it. Thank God for the dvd player in the car. I can't wait for this phase to end. It's by far the hardest one so far.

 

I'm glad to hear I'm not alone! I'm pretty good at getting out of the house when we have an appointment, because I have every possible thing I can think of ready the night before. It's the day to day stuff, running errands, taking them to do fun things like the park or library just to get out of the house, that always get me. No set time we have to go, other then wanting to get out and back in time for lunch/nap. But by the time we are in the car and I'm completely frazzled, I wonder why I even bothered. I need to be better about getting us all ready as soon as we get up in the morning, even if nothing is planned. Then if I decide we need to get out, it will take a lot less work. Problem is, I'm not a morning person. So it's become habit for us all to roll out of bed and head downstairs in our pajamas until after breakfast and I decide it's time to go somewhere.

Thanks for that book recommendation, Meredith! I'll definitely check it out.

 

Denise, DO IT! I'm doing the.. "Just pretend you're somebody else.. somebody VErY calm.. somebody very normal.." LOL and I have to be honest with you.. IT IS WORKING!

Totally.

Read the book and PM me!

 

haven't read all the responses, but you are not alone. Now that mine are almost 4 and starting to understand "time" as a concept, its much better.

Yours are still at a tough age, it will get better!

 

we're like drill sergeants giving pep talks trying to get out of the house. Put your shoes on, put your shoes on, put your shoes. with a wee bit of clapping a short jot of praise and then onto the next item. Stand by the door, stand by the door, stand by the door. When Im alone, Ive taken to strapping everyone in the car and going back in for 5-10 minutes just so I can finish packing our bag and making sure the doors are locked etc. I cant do it with them running around. Its the most stressful part of the day but once we're out it sure is nice!