What advice do you wish you heard/listened to?

As I am fastly approaching the boys 1 year birthday I started thinking about what I wished I had knew or listened to. Some things that came to mind were:

1.) Yes, it does get better
Yes, I can handle this
Yes, God DID mean for me to be a mommy


2.) I wished I had talked to my dr sooner about my
"baby blues" and not have been embarassed by it.

3.) I wished that I had been easier on my MIL yes, she
is too controlling but I think she had her heart in
right place.

4.) I wish I knew that going back to work wasn't going to
hurt my children and that I hadn't been so resentful of
having to work because I had the bigger paycheck.

5.) That I have never loved anyone or anything as deeply as I love
my two little boys!

There are probably so many more that I could go on forever. I thought maybe if we share some of our wishes that it might help some mom's who are now going through all of this.

Cherish each day, hour, & minute!
Lesa

 

As I am fastly approaching the boys 1 year birthday I started thinking about what I wished I had knew or listened to. Some things that came to mind were:

1.) Yes, it does get better
Yes, I can handle this
Yes, God DID mean for me to be a mommy


2.) I wished I had talked to my dr sooner about my
"baby blues" and not have been embarassed by it.

3.) I wished that I had been easier on my MIL yes, she
is too controlling but I think she had her heart in
right place.

4.) I wish I knew that going back to work wasn't going to
hurt my children and that I hadn't been so resentful of
having to work because I had the bigger paycheck.

5.) That I have never loved anyone or anything as deeply as I love
my two little boys!

There are probably so many more that I could go on forever. I thought maybe if we share some of our wishes that it might help some mom's who are now going through all of this.

Cherish each day, hour, & minute!
Lesa

 

I had someone tell me that when her twins were babies was the only time she and her DH ever came close to a divorce. And that it does get better. I found that very comforting when I get so angry at my DH for not doing what I think he needs to do (when I feel overwhelmed, it's easiest to take it out on him). It's not easier, and knowing that has helped me make it through. It has improved, along with my attitude.

 

I used to be one of those moms that freaked out about every little thing that the twins were doing or not doing. I would spend hours reading about autism because I was fearful one might have it. I would constantly listen for wheezing in case one had RSV.

One day DH asked me why I was always trying to find something wrong with them and why couldn't I just enjoy that I have two perfect healthy children.

So I thought about and realized he is right. I was always looking for something to be wrong, because I was so scared something would be wrong. I found once I stopped doing that, that my mom senses kind of kicked in and I know now when I should call the pedi and when to just wait it out and see.

Does that make sense?

 

I used to complain b/c sometimes the only way the boys would sleep was laying on me. I was told to enjoy it b/c it doesn't last long and you will miss it. I already miss it b/c they boys want lay with me or snuggle. They only want to sleep in their cribs now.

 

quote:
Originally posted by Stephe:
I used to complain b/c sometimes the only way the boys would sleep was laying on me. I was told to enjoy it b/c it doesn't last long and you will miss it.



DITTO! It was stressful bouncing 2 babies back to sleep while balancing them on my chest, but it was so snuggly sweet. I really miss that. I hope when their a little older they'll want some more snuggle time. Right now their too busy growing up to slow down enough for snuggles!

 

Here is what I have learned:
1) Germs aren't that bad. So what if the cheerio she is chewing on had been in her high chair for a week?
2) You WILL cry at times. You WILL want to curse at times. These things are normal and even though you get stressed, you are still a very good, loving mom.
3) Snuggle as much as they will let you
4) Snotty and slobber kisses are the best kind
5) No one expects your house to be perfectly clean all day. In fact, most people would be shocked if it were.
6) Men just do not see things the same way. (At least with my dh)It is not that they are not trying, they just do not have the attention to detail and the instincts that we do. Pretty much...men are dumb

 

Although if I was living through it again I would probably change my mind , I wish I had worked even harder to get the girls to breastfeed. Saving myself from 8 months of pumping would have been wonderful.

Another thing is that I wish we'd established a real bedtime routine at an earlier age instead of 6 months. We had a little routine but our routine after 6 months was a little more involved. The girls weren't ready to sleep through the night until 10 months old but maybe we could have gotten the night wakings down by 1 time a night or so.

 

Here is what I wish:

I wish I had found this site when I was expecting. I could have really used the support and knowledge.

I wish I hadn't had such complete unrealistic expectations about breasfeeding. I wasn't emotionally prepared for how difficult it would really be.

I wish someone told me that the first 3 months pretty much suck. I had this total fantasy about how perfect and amazing it would be...then sleep deprivation set in along with thier reflux, my back getting injured, and a complete cluelessness (is that a word??) to how this whole "mommy" thing works.

Here is what I learned:

When it's your own kids, it's amazing what DOESN'T disgust you.

If it wasn't for complete sleep deprivation, I would have enjoyed every middle of the night feeding. There is nothing like holding that teeny tiny life in your arms when no one else is around giving her what she wants most in life at that moment: to be fed and held. I miss those moments now.

It's ok if you lose it. Crying is healing and screaming is therapeutic.

Mommy brain really exists!!!

When I was pregnant a friend of mine asked me, "If you were on a deserted island with your babies, and you found some food, who would you feed first? Yourself or your babies?" I said, "my babies, of course!" She said, "NO! You take care of yourself first cause if you die, who will take care of the babies??" I have learned that I NEED to take care of myself. It's ok if the babies cry for 10 minutes while I take a shower or eat a meal.

There are so many but like you I could go on and on. If we weren't learning things daily, life would sure be pretty monotonous and boring!!

 

I wish someone would have encouraged me to keep breastfeeding, and would have told me that it gets easier! My girls were 6 weeks early and had a hard time breastfeeding, and I'm a FTM so what did I know about breastfeeding?! I regret not beastfeeding longer - and I'm hoping to do a better job with that with the next baby.

 

Ditto on the breastfeeding. I wish I hadn't listened to the pedi. She didn't want me to breastfeed them just because they were twins and born 6 weeks early. She said they would be malnourished. Then when I didn't listen to that nonsense she told me it was my fault they were in so much pain all the time. Even when I had cut everything out of my diet except for water pretty much! Turns out they had reflux, but by the time I got the into the GI it was too late. They are my last babies, too so I don't have another chance to stick with it.

 

Oh my goodness! You guys are just the best! All of your responses are so wonderful! Thank you for sharing!

Lesa

 

I wish that I had listened to my motherly instincts more quickly/often.

I wish that I had gotten them on Zegerid (for reflux) sooner.

I wish that I spent less time obsessing over naps, and more time enjoying the babies.

I wish that I would've hired a babysitter occasionally.

I don't regret NOT breastfeeding. I don't regret taking (and upping) my antidepressants. I don't regret hiring a night nanny to help (even though it was so expensive).

I'm really thankful for my wonderful DH, a fantastic local Twins group and this website.

These 2 little girls are amazing. They almost aren't babies anymore and it is very bittersweet. It's truly amazing how much love you can feel for these 2 little people.